HopeForYourFamily

I find my self at Ground Zero.  Last night, I got my guitar out of the case where it has rested since Hurricane Gustav.  Wow – that’s been a while!  The short story is God has finally managed to break through the hardened crust around my heart to convict me to relinquish Facebook from my life.  In the ensuing addiction withdrawals, I have been replacing Facebooking with FaceStuffing, and have been putting on some unwanted pounds (see my previous post on The Biggest Loser).  I have a new structured exercise regimen that will begin next week – three workouts a week with a personal trainer, compliments of Pennington Biomedical Center.  But what to do with my fidgety self in the evenings?  Get out that guitar and start over!  And with that, I am re-posting the following entry.  These lessons really hit me hard as I read them again this morning.  Along with some really sore fingertips:

June 12, 2008

My lovely wife surprised me at Christmas with a guitar. My first guitar. A very nice Martin acoustic guitar – at that! She has heard me say over the years that “one of these days I’d love to learn to play the guitar,” so she decided there was no time like the present. My Dad played an acoustic guitar when I was growing up (and Mom played piano), and I’ve always been a singer, but I just never took the time to learn to play. And now I realize why.

It takes time, focus, patience, diligence – basically a lot of self-discipline. Hmmmm, where has the issue of self-discipline come up lately? But I really, really want to play guitar. No, that’s not quite the truth. The truth is, I want to be great with the guitar. It’s not that I have visions of being a famous performer with a huge following. (OK, maybe just a little – but it’s about as serious a dream as Fletch playing power forward for the Lakers!) I want to be great at the guitar, because music means so much to me, and I believe this will open up a whole avenue of experiencing and expressing my self. But what I really want to share with you are some of the life lessons I am learning from guitar lessons:

1. You don’t master anything overnight, no matter how much it matters to you. (I would argue that anything you actually can master overnight is not likely to make much of a meaningful impact on your life.) It takes time, focus, and determination to master anything worthwhile in life. Shortcuts and quick fixes do not lead to mastery. Only persistent, diligent, self-discipline leads to mastery.

2. If you really want to be good at something, you have to be willing to work on the stuff that isn’t fun and doesn’t come easy. If you are willing to toil your way through the parts that just aren’t fun and don’t come naturally, eventually you may just find yourself in the promised land where those things have become second-nature and allow you to enjoy life in ways you never could have imagined before doing all that hard work.

3. If you want to make big forward progress, you have to move at a pace you can actually sustain. Sometimes in our zeal to get where we want to be with a new life endeavor, we can push and rush ourselves so hard that we slide into the swamp of frustration and burnout, rather than steadily walking down the path to the promised land.

4. Sometimes you need to take a break and play, if you are going to have any hope of staying the course for the long haul. Just don’t forget that the playtime is a break, and that more work remains to be done. When practicing a Beatles song with rapid transitions from G to F to C have me wanting to make kindling out of my innocent six-string, it may be a good idea to blow off the Fab Four for a few minutes and play the really fun and easy chords of “Free Fallin” by Tom Petty, which requires very little thought or skill and has the benefit of leading me down the nostalgic path back to 10th grade. Ah, that was fun – now I’m ready to tackle George Harrison!

5. Humility goes a long way toward making real progress at any worthwhile pursuit in life. I can’t tell you how much I would love to quit going for my weekly guitar lessons until I have mastered everything my teacher has shown me so far. Then I could come back and really impress him! But I seriously doubt I would stick with it at this point, if I didn’t have that weekly lesson to keep me on track. And even if I did, I will progress much more quickly and learn much more, if I stick with a good teacher/mentor – which requires the humility to keep coming in week after week and demonstrate how at this point I’m not even worthy to change the guitar strings for a Hendrix or a Clapton or a Van Halen or a Vaughn. But I hope and believe that if I am willing to keep admitting each day who and where I really am, and who and where I really am not, I will grow a little better each day.

Many thanks to Ben “Obi-Wan” Hurley, my terrific guitar teacher at Zeagler Music. I am grateful for the many things I am learning from you, including guitar.

Tags: discipline, facebook, guitar, the journey

Step One: We admitted we were powerless…

Okay, God – you tell me what to do with Facebook.

Roger

Tags: discipline, facebook, freedom, hope, social networking, spiritual formation, the journey

Here it is, as promised.

Tags: coffee, friends, spiritual formation, the journey

As I shared in my last post, I have been praying and meditating on the original “long form” of the Serenity Prayer for a few days now.  Today I had an experience with this prayer that I just had to share.  I actually printed it out and brought it to share with some friends of mine, as it has been making such a meaningful impression on me.  One of my good buddies spilled his coffee on the table, resulting in stains here and there on the paper on which the prayer had been printed.  I must admit, I had a momentary reaction of wanting to call him some version of a big, clumsy oaf (the immediate impulse of my flesh), but I laughed to my self as I considered the words and message of the prayer.  It was such a great learning moment for me that I decided to tape the coffee-stained Serenity Prayer on my desk, to help me remember to actually PRACTICE the principles contained within it.  Go down and read the words of this prayer in the post below, and perhaps you will see why it struck me as a humorous situation and a great opportunity to put the prayer into action.

Blessings to you on your journey!

p.s. – I’ll follow up with a picture when I have the opportunity.

Tags: coffee, friends, spiritual formation, the journey

God has been gently, but clearly, speaking to me about my need to establish a “rule of life” – a daily structure of prayer, reading His Word, and meditation in Him.  As some have put it, I need to stop trying to live a holy life and start training to live a holy life.  As such, the Holy Spirit has led me to several prayers to guide my rule of prayer for the season of Lent this year as I seek to grow in the Way of Christ.  For those who may be interested, here they are:

Penitential Prayer of St. Ambrose of Milan

O Lord, who hast mercy upon all, take away from me my sins, and mercifully kindle in me the fire of thy Holy Spirit.  Take away from me the heart of stone, and give me a heart of flesh, a heart to love and adore Thee, a heart to delight in Thee, to follow and enjoy Thee, for Christ’s sake.  Amen

Prayer in the Way of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.  Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.  O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.  For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.  Amen

Serenity Prayer of Reinhold Neibuhr

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.  Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that You will make all things right, if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen

Model Prayer of Jesus

Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.  May your Kingdom come soon.  May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.  Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.  And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.  For yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever.  Amen

Tags: hope, spiritual formation, the journey

The world class athletes stand on wobbly legs, sweating profusely and wondering when this nightmare drill will end.  Some are doubled over at the goal line, retching, coughing, sputtering, and moaning.  Others have their bodies steeled and upright, but their minds are reeling.  Never in their lives have they experienced this kind of suffering.

Their jerseys declare them to be the 1980 USA hockey team.  Their halfhearted efforts on the ice and boyish comments on the bench have said otherwise tonight.  So here they are, doing line drills on the ice after the Norwegian team, all the fans, and even the rink manager have long since gone home for the night.

“AGAIN!” The whistle blows, and down and back they skate.  “AGAIN!” Another whistle blow.  Another down and back.  “AGAIN!” Down and back. “AGAIN!”  “AGAIN!” Despite the exhaustion of the players’ bodies, the disbelief of the assistant coach, and the protests of the team doctor, Coach Herb Brooks does not relent.  Over and over and over and over, the men skate the agonizing distance from one line to another, back and forth across the punishing ice.  “Back on that line.  Again!” “AGAIN!”  “AGAIN!” When will this madness end?!  Is the coach trying to kill his players?  Has he lost his mind?  Someone make it stop!!!

The rhythm is finally broken by the faltering voice of one of the players, who would eventually become team captain.  “Mike Eruzione…Winthrop, Massachusetts”  “Who do you play for?” “I play for…the United States of America!” “That’s all, gentlemen,” says Coach Brooks in a casual voice, and he turns and walks off the ice.

Do you think these men will EVER forget this lesson?!!

I think not.

Did these men learn their lesson?  Learn to play to their best ability as a team?

Ask the 1980 Soviet team!

Parents, today’s message is for us.  Buckle up.  And watch Disney’s “Miracle” about the 1980 USA hockey team while you’re at it.  It just might help drive home the point.

If we are not willing to allow our children to suffer for foolish choices, laziness, disrespect, and disobedience, then we are not willing to prepare them for life as God has called us to do.  In fact, many times it falls on our shoulders to actually induce the suffering in their lives, in an effort to help them muster the motivation to rise from their waywardness and walk on the right path.

Rewards in life are wonderful, and they can serve as helpful motivators along the way.  But let’s get honest here.  From the cradle to the grave, the life lessons most deeply impressed upon us have most often been etched into our memories by suffering.  When we suffer, we tend to become very motivated and very open to learning a better way.

And so it is with our children, be they 4, 10, 16, or beyond.  Now, I am not telling you that the key to successful parenting is to be cruel and sadistic, reveling in the pain and suffering of your children.  If that is your style, please get in to see me asap, so I can point you on a better way.  What I am telling you is that your children need you to love them enough and be devoted enough to their real, substantial growth of character that you will lovingly use the tool of suffering to guide them toward right living.

Yes, it hurts to see our children suffer.  Especially when they try to manipulate us into believing we are being cruel to them.  But we don’t do them any favors by standing back and watching them take the easier, softer way in life.  Whether they realize it or not, whether they appreciate it or not, whether they temporarily despise us for it or not, they need us to hold them accountable for their actions and see that they suffer enough for their misdeeds to find sufficient motivation to improve their ways and grow.  We must be willing to parent for the long haul, not just for the peace of the moment.

With Hope in Him, Dr. B

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”  Proverbs 22:15 (NIV)

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”  Proverbs 14:12 (NIV)

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”  Proverbs 19:18 (NIV)

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”  Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

Tags: adolescence, character, discipline, leadership, parenting, respect, teaching, teens

I will be posting more in the next few days, but for now, here is a “Valentine’s Day” resource I can share with strong personal and professional recommendation:

Forget candy hearts and sappy cards this Valentine’s Day. Your marriage deserves more than that. Instead, give your relationship a real boost with the gift of:

Sizzle: The ScreamFree Guide to Turning Up the Heat in Your Marriage

You want a vibrant, exciting, and fun-filled relationship with your spouse. But too often, what you end up with is a conflict-ridden grudge match with the one person who is supposed to love you the most. You are not alone.

In this audio download, you’ll laugh out loud right alongside the audience as Hal challenges many of the notions you’ve held about marital advice. You’ll have a blast and learn some simple truths that you can put into practice right away in order to see your spouse and yourself in a whole new light.

Your marriage is worth it. Learn how to make it sizzle.
This hour long recorded seminar will teach you:

• Why every great marriage is a self-centered marriage
• The secrets to turning common conflict into crazy connection
• How to get beyond the most common marital myths that are keeping you stuck

Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to reconnect and recommit to your marriage. Make this year better than ever.

Offer good until February 14th

* This offer is only available online
* No coupon code required

Click here to buy this great marriage resource!

Tags: marriage / relationships, screamfree

You won’t find a better deal for Super Bowl tickets, unless you happen to be Drew Brees’ cousin.  And the organization offering the raffle is devoted to blessing folks in a tough place through efforts that will likely never receive any great recognition (this side of Heaven).  I personally know the head of this organization, with which I once served as a board member, and this is the real deal:

Tags: community, hope

John Hall, my colleague and friend at Murphy Toerner and Associates, will be leading this new group beginning on February 4th.

* Thursdays from 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm

* 17170 Perkins Rd, Baton Rouge, LA 70810 (C-K Office Park)

* Please contact John Hall at 225-933-1542 if you are interested in attending, or would like more information.

Tags: character, coming soon..., hope, leadership, manhood, personal responsibility, respect, teaching

Tug-of-war can be a really fun way to get exercise, build teamwork, and enjoy a spirited competition.  Then again, it can also be a great way to get pulled into a big mud puddle!

Emotional tug-of-war can be a frustrating, draining exercise that diverts our energy from positive pursuits and relationship-building activity into a muddy pit of wasted life.  Does this sound familiar?  Have you experienced the discouragement of pouring seemingly endless energy into a relationship, with the underlying goal of “having it your way,” only to feel the ongoing pull on the emotional rope of the other person who is equally invested in “having it his/her way?”  There are definitely better ways to get a strenuous workout!

Folks, as I always strive to do in my sharing with you, I’m going to level with you about my own struggles in this fruitless playing of emotional tug-of-war.  Despite my sincere desire and efforts to grow spiritually, emotionally, relationally (they are really simply different strands of the same rope, by the way), I still slip back into playing this game.  It is exhausting and a ridiculous waste of my time, focus, and energy.  And yet, there I go – picking up the rope and straining and pulling and sweating and cursing for all I’m worth!  YUCK!

The weariness and emotional drain isn’t even the most painful part of the process.  The real pain comes in realizing that however justified and “Right” I may feel in my position in this particular round of emotional tug-of-war, what is actually driving me to hold that rope and pull with all my might is PRIDE.  Plain old sinful egotistical pride!  I think my way is right, and I won’t let go until you agree.  Take that!  And so I voluntarily tie my self to an individual (or organization or entity) that I believe, at least at the present moment, to be misguided and wrong.  And then I wonder why my blood pressure goes up and I feel agitated and tired.  Wait a minute – haven’t I been pursuing FREEDOM in my life?!!  Don’t I still want to live in freedom as I journey along the road of life?  Don’t I still believe I cannot truly offer gifts of freedom to others if I do not live in freedom in my own life?  What to do?…

DROP THE ROPE!!!

(Next post – Dropping the Rope)

Tags: family, friends, hope, leadership, marriage / relationships, parenting, personal responsibility, screamfree, the journey