HopeForYourFamily

Let’s pick up the story of Elijah’s Day of Despair (or Dark Night of the Soul, if you like) in 1 Kings 19 from where we left it in the previous post…

And so, he [Elijah] gave up.  He had nothing left.  No hope.  No energy.  No faith.  No courage.  No reason to live.  He was spent.  He collapsed under a tree and cried out to God with his last ounce of bitter strength, “I’m DONE!  If you care for me in the slightest, God, kill me now and put me out of my misery!!!”

Perhaps you can relate.  You have collapsed in exhaustion and despair under that same tree and wailed at God in that same voice.  You know how helpless and hopeless he felt.  Read on, I have a message of real Hope for you today.

God’s immediate response to Elijah was one of understanding, compassion, and provision.  He didn’t ignore him.  He didn’t berate him for his weakness.  He didn’t strike him dead for his lack of faith.  He blessed his servant with rest.  And He blessed His servant with fresh food and fresh water.

God understands our limitations and our weakness.  He made us.  He does not punish us for being worn out and discouraged.  However, He will allow us to run out of gas if we begin facing life with the notion that we can handle it all on our own power.  God’s loving response to Elijah was to let him “crash” and get some much-needed sleep, interrupted only by a heavenly waiter serving up fresh baked bread and cold, clear water.  As a father, there is a good chance I would have begun with a lecture, had that been my son throwing in the towel: “Are you kidding me, Elijah?!!  Have you already forgotten what I just did on Mt. Carmel?  Do you really think I can’t handle one dastardly royal couple, after what I did to all those prophets of Baal?  Come on, son!  Get your head in the game.  What’s the matter with you?!!” It’s a good thing God handles weakness better than I do.  A very good thing.

And after his stay at God’s Bed and Breakfast, Elijah is invited to another mountaintop for a visit with The Almighty.  Here on the mountain of God, Elijah is given the three rich gifts of perspective, work, and relationship.  God gently reminds him that He is in charge, that He has not abandoned Elijah, and that he is not so alone (or all-important) as he thinks he is.  He blesses him with a new mission – more work to do.  Now, you may not see how giving a weary man more work to do could be a blessing.  What happened to that rest and refreshment?  To put it simply, we humans are at our healthiest in mind, body, spirit, and relationship when we are actively working on something meaningful.  Yes, we need to take time for rest and refreshment, and we American Christians are suffering greatly for our rejection of God’s command to honor the sabbath day and keep it holy.  But when rest and refreshment moves beyond retreat and turns to escape and avoidance, life turns ugly in a hurry.

Relationship.  “It is not good for a man to be alone.”  God’s comment on the human race is as true today as it was in the garden with Adam and on the mountaintop with Elijah.  Solitude is one thing, and can be deeply refreshing.  But feeling like you are a lone target with no one who cares, understands, or has the willingness to stand with you?  Hell on earth!  So God informs Elijah that he is actually part of a band of 7,000 rebels faithful to the LORD, and takes it a huge step further.  Guess what, Elijah?…  You don’t have to do this whole lone prophet thing any longer!  Elijah, meet Elisha, your new best friend and partner in ministry.

Does God respond this way to each of us when we are downtrodden and despairing?  Yes and no.  Yes, He always responds with understanding, compassion, and provision.  No, we don’t all get a stay at God’s Bed and Breakfast.  Or catch a ride on the hottest wheels of all time, for that matter.  But when we admit we cannot face life any longer out of our own strength, and fall on God’s mercy, He will lift us up and give us just what we need to continue the journey.

Tags: HOPE, spiritual formation, the journey

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Want to lead your children like you never have before?

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If you answered YES to any of these questions, you really need to check out MEN’S FRATERNITY!!!  Click here or on the Men’s Frat tab above for all the details and registration information.

And for guys in the Baton Rouge area, come be a part of “REFUEL” Men’s Conference at the Church of the Highlands on Saturday, August 14.  Click here for details and registration information.

Tags: friends, leadership, manhood, marriage / relationships, parenting, the journey

Here’s a little sneak peak of the parenting seminar I will be sharing on Saturday, July 24 at Zachary Church of Christ from 9-11 am (call 225-654-5993 to register, childcare and lunch provided):

• At its core, parenting is about teaching and training your children to live well.
• Stop trying to convince your children you are in charge…  Just be in charge!
• Effective parenting is calm, loving, committed leadership of our children.
• Parenting Like You Mean It! means being more concerned with your child’s growth than their comfort, pleasure, or praise.
• Parenting Like You Mean It! means being more concerned with your child’s growth than their compliance.
• When the time comes to correct your child, use as few words as possible when pointing out their error and explaining why it was wrong.
• When the time comes to correct your child, aim for enough suffering to ensure the lesson is imprinted in their mind, but not so much that it inflicts damage to their body, spirit, or core relationship with you.
• Invest less energy in lecturing your child, and more energy in finding an effective consequence and offering encouraging, practical guidelines toward learning, growth, and success.
• Parenting Like You Mean It! means having greater vision than your child, while having a willingness to see life through your child’s eyes.
• Parenting Like You Mean It! means sharing your parenting energy out of a foundation of taking good care of your self and your marriage.
• Your children need to learn from you that they are valuable, but not the center of the universe.

Feel free to share your thoughts or questions here, and I would love to see you there!  Anyone care to guess what Coach Herb Brooks has to offer in the realm of effective parenting?  What about Morpheus?

Tags: coming soon..., parenting

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  This is what I call living!  Lord, keep teaching me through children.

(p.s. – I haven’t forgotten about my Elijah/God post.  I will share the rest of the story as soon as I finish some work that needs finishing.)

Tags: teaching, the journey

I will be presenting “Parenting Like You Mean It!” at Zachary Church of Christ on Saturday, July 24 from 9-11 am.  Lunch and childcare will be provided.  Call 225-654-5993 to register.

Morpheus will be there…

…will you?

Tags: coming soon..., community, parenting

Here are a few tips for living with reasonable freedom from the bondage of stress.  Most of these I have learned the hard way.  Some of them I have experienced the hard way, but have not yet learned:

1. Seek God every day.
2. Surrender to God every day.
3. Ask for help when you need it.
4. Graciously accept the help you are offered.
5. Slow down.
6. Work hard to finish the tasks you start.
7. Make rest an important priority.
8. Prayerfully consider your list of current commitments before adding to the list.
9. Learn to embrace, respect, and celebrate your limitations.
10. Say “Thank you” often.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Stick with a sensible exercise routine.
13. Let go of the need to be right.
14. Hunger and thirst for righteousness.
15. Don’t forget to play and pray every day!

What would you add from your experiences?

Tags: freedom, HOPE, the journey

Just a little post to share my son’s favorite YouTube video.  Feelin’ pretty proud as a Dad right now!

Tags: parenting

I will never forget the tension and anxiety that permeated my house and family as I crossed the bridge from ignorance to knowledge regarding the fundamentals of sex.  Let me take you on a quick trip back to this poignant memory in my life.

I was in the fifth grade at a private Christian school.  Our school’s approach to sex education was to set aside one afternoon each year for the fifth and sixth grade guys and the fifth and sixth grade girls to meet together with a teacher of their own gender to watch a cartoon about the basic purposes, biology, mechanics, and functions of human sex and to spend time in Q & A / discussion about it.  In order to participate in the video viewing and discussion, students had to get their parents to sign a consent form and return it to the school.  No big deal, right?  Well, depends on your personality and your family dynamics.

I sensed immediately this was something that would be unpleasant at best, and should probably be avoided at all costs.  Somehow I had gotten the clear message that issues of sexuality were taboo in our household.  And I complied with all my might!  I brought that consent form home and silently laid it on the kitchen counter, hoping and praying my parents would sign it and leave it for me to return without having to face the terrifying awkwardness of this unknown conversational territory with them.  Well, my folks signed it an left it there for me without comment or question.  AFTER LEAVING IT SITTING SILENTLY ON THAT KITCHEN COUNTER FOR A WHOLE WEEK!  I think simple breathing was difficult that week.  The only two things that changed the next year were I spent more time in anticipatory worry and my parents signed the paper the first night.

I don’t know for sure how or when I will face this issue with my son.  And I’m sure I won’t get it all right.  But I’m sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that I won’t do it the way my folks did.  Oh yeah, there was also that time in the third or fourth grade when I asked my Dad out in our country backyard why the roosters were always attacking the hens, and he replied, “They’re making love, Son.”  Okay, Dad – check!

My point is not to vilify my parents or rake them over the coals.  My Mom may very well end up reading this post, and I wrestled with whether or not to share it.  I decided to share it with you because I think it typifies the kind of anxiety that so often keeps parents from having The Tough Talks with their kids in a purposeful, effective, and helpful manner.  After you finish laughing at me and my family (don’t be too hard on us – we all have our goofy stuff), you may find your self still unsure about how to have The Tough Talks with your own kids.  If so, I won’t laugh at you, but I will offer the following for your consideration and implementation.

• Being uncomfortable talking to your kids about sex, alcohol, drugs, morals, divorce, etc is perfectly okay.  As long as you are willing to take a breath, say a prayer, and have the Tough Talks anyway.  Be a Nike parent.  JUST DO IT!
• Remember how much is at stake for your child.  Consider their chances of successfully navigating these waters without an experienced someone courageously showing them the way.  Consider where they may get their direction, if not from you.  Keep it in perspective.
• Practice saying the really hard stuff before you actually talk with your child.  Practice saying the really important stuff before you actually talk with your child.  Practice it with your spouse.  Practice it with a friend.  The more you practice saying the really hard/important stuff, the more you can get comfortable with the words and the greater your chances of getting them out at least halfway right with your kids.  Practice makes possible.
• Prep your child for The Tough Talk by having her/him read an assigned book, article, or manual before the conversation.  Equip your child for The Tough Talk. (By the way, my parents did get me a copy of “Preparing for Adolescents” by James Dobson at some point in there.)
• Prep your self, and maybe your child as well, with a movie that leads into the topic or inspires you to step up and lead courageously.  Movies and TV shows can provide some rich life-material ripe for thoughtful and meaningful conversation, if you will take the time to notice it, select it, and seize the moment.  Use entertainment media to your advantage.
• Start by discussing the level of discomfort in your self, and invite your child to do the same.  Once you have acknowledged the elephant in the living room, you will be more comfortable to go ahead with the guts of The Tough Talk.  Laugh at your discomfort!
• For crying out loud, don’t try to do this all alone or reinvent the wheel!  Ask your friends or trusted family members how they crossed this particular bridge (or similar ones).  Whether the stories you hear supply you with How-To or How-Not-To, you will be better equipped and less anxious when you step out on that bridge to lead your child across previously uncharted waters.  Ask friends for their stories.

I sincerely hope this is helpful in your quest to courageously, lovingly, and effectively lead your child through the challenging waters of life as you share The Tough Talks together.  I will be posting follow-up articles with specific tips for specific topics in the coming weeks and months, as I continue presenting my series of Having The Tough Talks on my Parenting 101 interview segment on WAFB at 6:15ish am the last Tuesday of the month.

Tags: adolescence, character, coming soon..., movies, parenting, personal responsibility, sex, teaching, teens, the journey

Fathers Day is over, but here’s an extra nod to my Fraternity of Dads, thanks to Trey Morgan’s consistently terrific blog.  Great stuff!  Thanks for sharing this one, Trey.

Tags: manhood, parenting

Have you ever felt totally beaten down and defeated by life?  Are you feeling that way today?  It seems like you have done everything you know to do.  You have tried to do what is right.  Maybe even done what you can to live a life pleasing to God.  You know you aren’t perfect, but you have done your best.  And life has kicked you in the teeth and left you weeping alone, praying for God to at least show you the mercy of letting you die and leave all this pain and misery behind.

You are not alone.  I have a story to share with you.  I don’t mean to cheapen your pain and grief and misery by dismissing you with a simplistic story of faith.  I do hope to share with you a glimpse of the God who created you, loves you, understands your limitations, and wants to point you in the direction of a good purpose for your life.  But before we hear the story of God’s tender loving response, we must first hear the story of a man’s real life experience with weariness, fear, bitterness, and despair (as described in 1 Kings 17-19 in the Holy Bible):

Elijah had been shown special provision and favor from God.  That much was unmistakable.  While God had certainly not made his life comfortable through the hard times that had hit the land, He had cared for his daily needs of food and shelter in rather amazing ways.  When God had called him to stand up to the wicked and corrupt king and to humiliate and slaughter the false prophets of the land, he had obeyed and seen an awe-inspiring display of God’s power.  As bizarre as God’s expectations had been, hadn’t he shown his consistent willingness to obey?!?  Had God not seen how faithful his servant had been, and how willing he had been to face adversity in obedience to his Lord?

And what blessing had Elijah received for his faithfulness?  What prize to thank him for his devotion to the Almighty of Heaven?  What token of gratitude for his willingness to stand up for God, when all others seemed to have abandoned Him?

A DEATH THREAT!  From a queen who did not make idle threats and had an established history of ruthless, bloodthirsty cruelty.  Elijah was now assured of a cruel execution in the very near future, probably in a very public spectacle to make an example out of him.  His mountaintop experience wasn’t worth a hill of beans now.  His number was up.

And so, he gave up.  He had nothing left.  No hope.  No energy.  No faith.  No courage.  No reason to live.  He was spent.  He collapsed under a tree and cried out to God with his last ounce of bitter strength, “I’m DONE!  If you care for me in the slightest, God, kill me now and put me out of my misery!!!”

Stay tuned to read the rest of the story and hear of God’s wonderful response of mercy, provision, and power…

Tags: HOPE, spiritual formation, the journey