Chemaine’s Life Lessons
So I noticed my husband offered me a challenge in an earlier blog post to “guest post.” I will accept that challenge, good sir, because…well, you challenged me.
I think if I could blog about anything, it would be of the lessons learned in the last few years of my marriage and life. God has worked to “grow me up” through very trying times and steps of faith.
I have had to recognize and own my selfishness. I found out what a selfish person I am, and God began teaching me how we were going to get this out of my heart. Owning it means recognition of the feeling and taking responsibility for how it plays out in my actions. I am still working, and I am thankful for His presence and His patience.
I think I forget the valuable lessons he can teach us through those we love. My thought typically is “God is going to teach me through people/things that are unlovable and difficult.” For example, things I really don’t want to do for people I don’t really have a relationship with, so that somehow in that “selfless” giving, God will be praised.
The greatest lessons and time of growth for me have been acting in love for the people I love when they hurt me or disappoint me. These are the times when it is hardest to control your words, words that once said, can never be taken away. The times that your soul demands you stay engaged and in control, when your flesh wants to throw up your hands and forget it, or your pride dictates your actions. Actions that are led by what I want, not what Christ wants.
I have had to remember the word commitment. Roger and I have been through some tough, extended arguments that I grow sick of, and I have wanted to quit this constant struggle and effort. I have sat in the middle of the room and screamed out my hurt and pain during therapy. I have watched the face of my husband as he tried to find the words to explain the way something hurt him.
Commitment, to me, means I woke up every day and went through the motions until it was not a struggle. It meant accepting that I may not like my spouse in this current season, but I can still objectively appreciate (if I am really honest) things about my spouse. It meant searching for the reason I married him. This meant being real and looking beyond my pain at the moment to see the “lover of my youth” (SoS). This meant I look inward to see what is going on in me that contributes to the pain.
These things have shown me who is my refuge and who I can depend on always for my eternal well-being. I have come to a place where Christ is truly the center of my vision and in Him alone I find fulfillment. Not my husband, not my child, not money, and not recognition. I am thankful for the struggles and lessons I had to learn to be brought here. I am forever grateful and humbled to see how Christ has taught me utter dependence on Him by guiding me to release my grip on earthly relationships to be the source of fulfillment.
I am at peace in my soul, knowing my true joy and fulfillment come from Christ. I am grateful for the gift of my family, but they cannot truly make me happy or be the main source of my joy. I am setting them up to fail in my eyes if I put them in that place. I am responsible first and foremost for my relationship with my heavenly Father. That is now my focus, and healing and growth will continue as long as I remain steadfast.
I am so thankful for the fruits of our struggles that I see in myself, in my husband, and in my son. I see three hearts who are more equipped to love God more fully, who are contributing to His work, and who are growing to know Him better. I am thankful for my immediate team He has given me for my journey.
Praise be to God for His patient and gentle teachings and for the many blessings He gives us here on earth!
Still learning and growing,