HopeForYourFamily

Thanks to David Dixon of Smart Parenting (via Twitter) for bringing this short, very practical article to my attention.  I have long encouraged parents to be very pro-active in engaging television and other electronic entertainment with their children.  In fact, this was the topic of my doctoral dissertation – long ago and far away.  I especially love the tip in this article about occasionally watching the TV with the sound turned off, to me more aware of what is being presented visually.  I would say the opposite might be an equally revealing and challenging exercise – listening to TV without watching the screen.

Tags: adolescence, media, parenting, teens, twitter

I recently referred to teens and tweens in a Twitter post, and promised a forthcoming blog post on why I hate the term “Tweens.”  Here it is.  If you are easily offended, you might want to stop reading now.  If you think it is cute to pose your pre-teens as little adults, but do little to actually equip them for adulthood, you probably won’t appreciate this post but would do well to read it and take it to heart.

The term “tween” was once a clever Tolkien linguistic creation that refered to the adolescent period from ages 20 – 32 in the life span of a hobbit.  It has taken on a much more popular usage in recent years, being applied to the period of “pre-adolescence” or pre-teen years from about 9 or 10  to 12.

Keep in mind that adolescence is a cultural construct, and not a biological or emotional dictate.  In other words, puberty is an inevitable part of normal human development, typically happening somewhere between the ages of 9 and 14.  But “adolescence” encompasses far more than that, and has grown in definition and cultural practice from its initial span of two or three years (ages 14-16 ish) to well over a decade (ages 12-25+).

And since you value my two cents enough to read my blog post today, I will tell you how I see this emerging cultural construct of “tweens.”  It seems to be a way to make it culturally acceptable, even cute, to market goods and services to children and to dress them up and put them in adult situations and pressures for which we have only barely equipped them, if at all.

For example, while I am glad to see this particular fashion trend seems to have waned, it didn’t strike me as the least bit cute to print big, bold words across the backside of short shorts and then market them to pre-teen girls.  How do you prepare your little girl for the fact that guys of all ages will now be looking at her rear because of the slogan stamped across it, whether out of innocent curiousity or marketing-induced sexual interest?

I’ll not go on with more examples, as I think this one fairly well represents my concern with the “Tween” phenomena.  Well, okay, one more quick one.  If you are looking at your 8 year old, and wondering when is the right time to buy him or her an i-phone, I recommend first asking at what age you got your first cell phone.  Then ask what fundamental change has occurred that has you thinking of buying an instant internet multi-media text-messaging portal for your youngster in the foreseeable future.  The group-force of culture can be very powerful and difficult to resist.  However, as parents we have the inherent responsibility to provide both the boundaries and the training that allow our children to be children, while equipping and preparing them to face life fully when they emerge into adulthood.

I appreciate the wisdom in the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  But it sure can be tough when a parent has to stand against the village so that the child can really be raised well.  God bless you, folks!

Tags: adolescence, culture, parenting, teens, texting, twitter

Parents, if your child has a cell-phone, or if you are thinking of allowing your child to have a cell-phone – you really need to be aware of the power of this electronic portal.  You may think, “But, it’s just a cell-phone.  What’s the big deal?”  Let me assure you, it is a big deal.  If your child (teen or younger) is going to be using a cell-phone, please take the time to stay informed and educated about the technologies and culture of the wireless world.

Here is a great place to start.

This one may be helpful (if  overwhelming), as well.

Tags: adolescence, culture, media, parenting, teens, texting

This year was the first time I have ever really followed the College World Series.  What a great year to start!  Of course, I got into it because the boys from Baton Rouge were headed to Rosenblatt.  And I’m so glad I followed the whole series.  It was a really wonderful experience for me and my family, in the air-conditioned comfort of our living room.  As I reflect on my first College World Series adventure, several interesting life notes come to mind:

1. Life really is a team sport.  We need one another.  We need the strength of teammates.  We need the energy of others to lift us up when we are down.  We need the perspective of teammates and coaches to calm us and challenge us when we need it.  I just can’t win on my own.

2. We play better with great fan support.  Frankly, with LSU, sometimes the only clear divider between players and fans is the wall that separates the seats from the field.  This is true for all of us, not just athletes with official jerseys.  We need to know someone knows us and is rooting for us.  Alone is hell.

3. Despite our best plans, life often reminds how much is out of our control.  From rain delays to wind changes to umpire bags that can’t hold back the sweat of two hours in 100+ degree heat, life can really throw us some curveballs.  (I just couldn’t resist that one!)  And we can get bent out of shape and camp out in our disappointment, or make some adjustments and play on.

4. Life is played in seasons.  And seasons are marked by stretches of routine, interspersed with moments of great drama, great rejoicing, and great agonizing.

5. Living well takes a lot of hard work and discipline.

6. Life can be tons of fun, especially when we are willing to put in the work at the right time, and then relax and enjoy at the right time.

7. Beneath our various uniforms, we are all people in the same race.  I was so grateful for the way ESPN included life stories about the players and coaches, as it reminded me that these guys may be focused on performing in certain roles right now, but those roles are just roles.  It isn’t who they are.

Take me out to the ballgame!

Tags: culture, discipline, friends, the journey

“Unmerited favor.”

For some reason, I remember that being the classic simple definition of grace I have heard over the years of my religious experience.  I would always smile and nod, and offer my intellectual agreement with this two word explanation.  But truthfully, “unmerited favor” just doesn’t connect with me in any real-life kind of way.  You?

“Cut me some slack, please!” Now that is a real cry for grace, if ever there was one.  I can sure relate to that one.  It’s like, “I know you don’t have to give me a break and go easy on me, but it sure would mean the world to me right now if you would.”

“I know I messed up (again), but I really am trying.  Really.  Please be patient with me!” Okay, I’ve been there many times my self.

“I feel so much pressure on me right now, I don’t even know where to begin!  I’m sorry I’m not living up to your expectations.  And I’m sorry I don’t even know what to do about it.” Been there, for sure!

If you haven’t found your self in a position of needing some grace, I’ve got news for you – you must not be a human being!  Because as far as I can tell, every one of us desperately needs others to cut us some slack and give us a break here and there along our journeys.

Especially teenagers!  This is not about picking on teens and saying they screw up a lot.  Sure they do.  Don’t we all?  It just seems that the mistakes and failures of adolescents can be more glaring and obvious, and they are often more painfully aware of their need of grace than us “grown-up” types.  As parents, teachers, counselors, youth pastors, coaches, and other adults who live up close and personal with teens – are we aware of how much they need grace from us?

I am not saying we throw responsibility and accountability out the window and just let teens run willy nilly in a boundary-free field of grace with no consequences.  That simply wouldn’t be loving.  But within the important rules and boundaries we set for our teens, let us all remember to include generous helpings of grace.  Sometimes they have already paid enough of a price, before we even find out what they have done.  And what they need most from us the grace to embrace and accept them with their failure, and lovingly encourage them along the path to recovery and growth.  Just look at the response of the Father to his “prodigal” son!

Other times, what teens need most from us is the loving enforcement of firm consequences to deliver enough suffering and guidance to help them learn from their mistake – and the grace to embrace and accept them with their failure and to lovingly encourage them along the path to recovery and growth.

May you grow in grace.  And may your teens thrive in the grace they find in you.

Tags: adolescence, hope, parenting, teens

A friend shared this video with me, and I am so glad to have this forum to share it with you.

Tags: freedom, the journey

Sometimes I feel like I have to face life and its struggles all alone.  Sometimes I isolate my self by believing I have to do it all on my own – and then I really feel alone.  And I know there are many others feeling this way.  I hear it in the pain of teenagers.  I see it on the face of brokenhearted wives.  I sense it in the weariness of husbands.  It spills out in the cries of parents.  Feeling weary and burdened is bad enough.  Feeling weary and burdened and alone is Hell on earth.

But we are NOT ALONE.  When we are willing to risk being vulnerable with others, there are people around us who are there to encourage us and lend us their strength.  And there is One who is always with us, always loving us, always offering us love, strength, acceptance, mercy, and guidance.  And this is very Good News!

I need to be reminded of this regularly, so I thought you might could use an encouraging reminder as well.

Tenth Avenue North – “By Your Side”:

Tags: hope

Thanks so much to Trey Morgan for sharing this one with the blogosphere!

Tags: manhood

Okay folks, here is a serious slice of American adolescence today.  I haven’t seen the show yet, but guess what new series is running on MTV now?

“16 and Pregnant”

If you find this troubling in any way, I recommend reading the books by Ron Luce and Chap Clark posthaste, and practicing what they preach.  In no way am I throwing stones at these girls/moms, or MTV, for that matter.  I just find it heart-breaking how prevalent this situation has become.  I am so grateful to folks like Luce and Clark, who are serving God with all their hearts at the cutting edge of adolescent turmoil.  Let’s all do our best to be part of the solution.  And we may do well to start by watching this series.

Tags: adolescence, culture, media, parenting, sex, teens

As I continue on my personal and professional quest for how to have the best possible marriage, I got a great lesson yesterday.  It all started with a phone call…

Well, actually, it started before the phone call, as you will see.  I had just left a meeting with some friends where I had told them I have been in a funky place the last few days, and I know I need to work on my spiritual condition, because I think I had been waiting on God to just suddenly make life easy.  At about 1:30 pm I was gassing up my truck at Sam’s Club when my cell phone rang.  Since it was my wife, I decided to risk blowing up my self and half the parking lot of Sam’s to answer my phone at the gas pump.  (For some reason, I think “They” say you aren’t supposed to do that.)  Chemaine sounded rather frantic as she asked me where I was.  I immediately went through my mental schedule to be sure I wasn’t supposed to be somewhere else.  In the clear, I told her where I was and what I was doing.

Then she told me she had just knocked over the paint mixture in our utility room while trying to open the door of the chest freezer.  We have been painting the cabinets in our kitchen with a heavily thinned white oil-based paint to give them that kinda distressed, white-washed look.  So there is now a paint/mineral spirits mixture splattered all over my wife and the sundry items in the corner of the utility room, and she is clearly in need of some help ASAP.  I didn’t have to be back at the office right away, so I told her I would drive straight home and be there in under 10 minutes.

Then I hung up my phone and started pounding on my truck.  I didn’t actually cuss my wife, because I didn’t want to draw THAT much attention in such public place, but inwardly I was railing on her for being so careless and clumsy.  And then God smacked me in the head. “This could so easily be me in the utility room choking on fumes, trying to clean up my self and the mess around me, and wondering how upset Chemaine will be when she finds out what I have done.  Hmmm… How would I want her to respond if I were the one who had this accident?  WITH GRACE!!!”

So, by the grace of God, I immediately released the frustration and judgment, and was instead filled with the compassionate resolve to come home and bless my wife in her time of need.  And the cleanup actually went amazingly well.  Afterward, I told her about my transformation at the gas pump.  She told me her immediate response when the paint mixture went up and over was to rail on me for putting it so close to the freezer, but that she quickly checked that train of thought with the realization that she could easily have done the same thing.

Where would our marriage be without God’s grace?!!  For cryin’ out loud, where would my LIFE be without God’s amazing grace?!!  Where would our marriage be without our offering grace to one another?  Why is so easy and natural for me to blame my wife, while avoiding taking personal responsibility?  How amazing would our marriage be if our first response was always grace?  How is the grace factor in your marriage?  When has your spouse shown you grace in a way that made the difference for you?

Tags: hope, marriage / relationships, personal responsibility