Oh, Deer! What Can I Do?!?

My recent family vacation to the beach was a true gift of refreshment. It had been a while since we’ve been able to take off a full week, and it did us all a world of good. Even got to bring some good friends with us. I mean, between the ongoing stress of pandemic mayhem, and several layers of more personal and family stresses, we really needed the R&R. Had an amazing time fishing with my son, my buddy, and his two sons: we limited out on some gorgeous and delicious red snapper on a close off-shore charter. I really stayed in the moment with my son, and with our friends, and savored every bit of it. We all enjoyed having lots of relaxed time to take in lots of different competitions from the Tokyo Olympics. We fell in love with Katie Ledecky, chuckled at the very teenage Olympic skateboarders, found other things to watch besides 3 on 3 basketball, and had lots of challenging and enriching conversations about Simone Biles and her whole situation. I was very pleased with some of the nature shots I captured with my iPhone camera, particularly a couple of sunrises. There was ample time for our own style of “Panda Vacationing.” (If you’ve seen Kung-Fu Panda III, you’ll get it. If you haven’t… do yourself a huge favor and watch the Kung-Fu Panda trilogy as soon as possible!)

Put simply – it was a perfect vacation. Until…

On Thursday evening, I decided I would get up early the next morning for another sunrise photo shoot, then a leisurely hike and photo shoot through the wonderful nearby state park I had recently discovered. This is the kind of thing that makes beach vacations richly rewarding for me, and I was eager for the combination of solitude, natural beauty, and exercise. I woke up just a bit later than I intended, which meant I pulled out of our condo parking lot maybe 10 minutes before sunrise proper. I figured I’d pull over just down the road at the beachfront park, rather than going the length of the Key and across the bridge to my usual sunrise photo spot. The entrance to that park is less than a quarter of a mile down the beachfront drive from our condo. I was almost there when a large buck barrels across the road from the beach side on my left. In the moment I had to react, I hit my brake as firmly as I can without totally locking it up and realize if I swerve toward the curb, I will hit the deer for sure – but an oncoming car meant I couldn’t swerve left. “Please JUMP! PLEASE don’t come through my windshield or tumble under my car!” is the silent instantaneous prayer that surges through my brain. Well, he didn’t jump. And, thankfully, he didn’t come through my windshield or go underneath my vehicle. But he did meet his end on the front of my Honda. I pulled in at the entrance to the park, caught my breath, collected myself, took pictures of the front end of my car, and then walked back the 50 yards or so to the collision site to see if I could spot the deer and just take in what had happened.

As I got to the spot, I looked for my car’s front logo panel, but never found it. I did spot the injured and dying deer. He had lost one antler, and obviously had at least a broken leg, in addition to whatever horrible internal injuries he had suffered. He struggled on a dune about 100 yards or so on the mainland side of the road. I closed my eyes and processed what had happened, what was happening, and would would need to happen. Okay, time to start making some choices…

The first thing I did was look up the number for the state wildlife department and gave them a call. I hoped someone could come shoot or euthanize the terrified dying deer to put it out of its agony. The conversation with the dispatcher on duty at 6 am who was obviously covering the bases for multiple departments assured me that “I’ll pass on your message” meant the poor deer would have to die in its own awful time. I’ve never had such a longing for a handgun. I wished I could end its suffering. But I had done all I could for the deer, and must turn my attention to taking care of my vehicle, and my family in the process. Because the only apparent damage was to the bumper, I thought I’d go ahead with my park hiking/photo plans, and deal with the car insurance process as soon as I was done with my excursion. As soon as I began to drive, my freshly injured car let me know it needed serious attention before it was going to carry me anywhere farther than our condo. The automatic car/obstacle braking system was malfunctioning, and engaging the brakes seemingly at random every few seconds. I gently coaxed my precious Passport to limp back to the condo parking lot, backed into a parking space, and began making phone calls. To make a long story short, over the next couple of hours, I was able to coordinate with my insurance company, AAA, the best body shop option we could find, a car rental company, my wife, and my in-laws to get my car towed away for repairs and have my mother-in-law pick up and deliver a rental car to us at the beach. I even had the presence of mind to let my wife enjoy her sleep until she woke up on her own before I shared the news of my worst sunrise excursion ever.

So, what’s my point in sharing this vacation trauma vignette with you?

Disappointments happen. Bad news comes. Stresses sometimes hit in droves. Trauma comes our way. One thing we can count on in our journey through time on planet earth is that life will periodically smash into the front of our cars. And when we are shocked or discouraged by the wreckage of life we are facing on a given day or for a given season, what are we to do?

Stop. Breathe. Look around. Pray. Think.

Let go of wishing life wasn’t unfolding this way. Because it is. And wishing it wasn’t is just a waste of our energy and focus.

Consider our options, and remember our principles, priorities, and people.

Make our best decisions and move forward.

Ask for help when we need it.

Take the time. No. Make the time to find things for which to be grateful. There are ALWAYS blessings! Our rental replacement car was white. In a serious heat wave. My wife and I laughed as we expressed our gratitude for this little realization. We have great insurance coverage AND super helpful additional benefits via AAA coverage. My wonderful in-laws drove our rental car an hour to deliver it directly to us. And folks, we were only out a hundred bucks on an eight thousand dollar situation. Ummm…GRATEFUL!!!

And when all was said and done, the shop got my car finished a full week before their projected date, and restored it to like-new condition (as you can see in the pictures). And I’m also somewhat pleased to report, based on my observations over the time between the accident and getting everything lined up for the day: it appears the deer didn’t suffer too long before finding his final rest on that dune. And for that, I am also genuinely grateful.

Whatever crisis, stressful situation, relationship challenge, or particular life battle you are facing, I hope you will take the time to practice these simple guidelines to make your way forward to what’s next for you. Because we can always make bad situations worse by fretting, grumbling, blaming, lashing out, wishing it wasn’t happening, drinking, drugging, burying our heads in the sand, or any of a number of other very human ways of compounding our misery. May you make a better choice for your path through the struggle. And please don’t hesitate to call on me if I can help you through the process.