parenting encouragement

Momnipotent

Thanks to a client of mine, I was introduced to this amazing artist and song this week.  The artist’s name is Nancy White, and the song is “Momnipotent.”  Following are the lyrics.  Two things struck me hard enough in this song to compel me to share it as my blog offering for the week.  First, I know so many women who feel exactly like my new friend, Nancy.  And, second, I am blown away by someone who can be so Real!  One of my greatest desires for my clients, my church, my family, and myself is that we can learn to have the courage, honesty, and integrity to be really Real.  May the words of Nancy’s song encourage you to hang in there and keep going as a parent, and inspire you to be Real about your experiences and beliefs in life! (more…)

By Roger Butner, ago

Listen. And Learn

Parents of adolescents, how many of you enjoy your children’s favorite music – if you can even understand it?  I realize there are families in which parents and children enjoy the same musical tastes.  However, for many, the choice of music preference can become not only a difference between generations, but even a focal point of major misunderstanding and conflict.  I would urge you, as parents, to give serious consideration to what I am sharing today.  With the right approach, you can take the huge barrier of your teen’s musical identity and turn it into an open doorway into the deep struggles, hopes, fears, beliefs, and desires lying in the heart and mind of your son or daughter.

Music has always been important to people.  It has the power to touch and stir our spirits in a unique and powerful way, giving voice to our inner thoughts and shaping our identities in the process.  In modern America, each generation had their music that defined them and expressed their inner selves outwardly for all to hear – much of it commonly shared by the majority of one’s generational peers.  However, in postmodern adolescent America, music has become a much more personal expression – with scores of styles, genres, and subgenres available for download.  And let’s face it, much of today’s music (but certainly not all!) is distasteful, offensive, or outright disturbing to the parent who can pick out enough words to hear the themes.  So, what do you do when confronted with shocking album covers, myspace pages, cds, and downloads?

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By Roger Butner, ago

Experts

Self-proclaimed “experts” abound.  They write books and articles, appear on the news, offer conferences and workshops, and set up websites.  Some of these “experts” have a wealth of wisdom to offer, while others are offering up nothing but hot air (at best).  I do my best to be one of the former, but you can be the judge of that.  At any rate, perhaps no issue has attracted more “experts” than the ever-challenging role of parenting.  Now, I’ve got my opinions as to who are authentic parenting experts and who are the quacks.  If you take any time to peruse my website, you will get some idea of the experts I endorse.  However, there is one expert I want to commend to you as a parent that I believe tops the list.  And the winner is:

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By Roger Butner, ago

A “Storiented” Family Activity

Apparently I coined a new term a few nights ago through a slip of the tongue.  After making some comments in my Bible study group, a couple of people immediately spoke up, saying they like my use of the term “storiented” in reference to our postmodern culture.  I didn’t really mean to say it – I guess I just ran “story” and “oriented” together a little, so it sounded like one word.  We moved on with our discussion of the Gospel of Mark, and I told them I wasn’t trying to sound clever.

I’ve thought about it several times since then and realized…we do live in a storiented culture.  Stories are very important to us.  They evoke deep emotion in our hearts.  A good story can prompt us to: laugh, cry, shout, believe, remember, imagine, hope, sympathize, blame, forgive, and so much more.  Stories open up other worlds of adventure and romance and possibility.  Wrongs are righted.  True love prevails.  Goodhearted heros triumph over sinister villains.  Problems are solved.  And relationships are restored.

Many of our entertainment choices are very storiented in nature.  We keep up with our favorite prime-time dramas or “reality” shows on TV.  We enter the story world of a good movie in a dark theater or the privacy of our own surround-sound entertainment room.  We lose ourselves in the unfolding narrative of a novel, biography, or other book.  Even music, videogames, and web surfing can be about connecting with a story larger than ourselves.  We love great stories, and we love to feel that we are, in some way, a part of them.

If approached properly, stories can inspire us to live better lives and build better relationships. (more…)

By Roger Butner, ago

Reconnecting with Family and Community During Summertime

In my recent interview on “Around Town with Scott Rogers,” I spoke on this topic, but our interview was cut fairly short.  Here is a fuller picture of my thoughts and suggestions on this timely and important issue:

What has contributed to our society’s disconnection?  High mobility.  Families no longer live in one central community for generation after generation.  Extended families, even “nuclear” families, are more scattered and mobile than ever.  Families are also busier than ever.  Between each family member’s schedule, there is often barely time to sit down or go for a walk, just to find out how the other’s activities are going.  It’s a tiring and disconnecting trap, and a trend that seems to be growing.  Similarly, the average work week has grown significantly over the last few decades, despite early speculation that increasing technology would actually shrink the work week!  Another big factor is the massive amount of time Americans spend involved with entertainment media.  The numbers are staggering.  In general, plugging into the screen means unplugging from the people around you.  All of these factors seem to be connected to a shift in our culture away from service and community life toward more affluence and personal enjoyment.

How do we reconnect?  Get out of our entertainment rooms and fenced-in backyards, and get involved in others’ lives. (more…)

By Roger Butner, ago

Whatever happened to chainlink fences?

Last week I was driving down a major thoroughfare in Baton Rouge behind what appeared to be a fairly nice upper-middle class neighborhood.  Something caught my eye that made me profoundly sad as I considered the implications behind it.  Three backyards in a row contained very nice red cedar playground sets.  Three families living next door to one another had spent thousands of dollars buying the very best professional level equipment for their children’s backyard adventures.

Now, I don’t have any problem with families spending money on nice swingsets.  What struck me was the thought that I never would have seen this when I was growing up – three houses right next to one another, all with virtually identical major-league playground gear.  I’m not reaching back to some long ago era, either.  I’m talking about growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, when yards were separated by chainlink, if there was a fence at all.

The good ole chainlink fence served to keep the dogs in the right yards, and let you know where to stop cutting the grass, but they didn’t keep neighbors away from each other. (more…)

By Roger Butner, ago