Several years ago at my previous church, I taught a series of lessons entitled “Making the Most of Family Life.” The lessons were based on a series of six brief essays I wrote, inspired by the style of “The Screwtape Letters” by C. S. Lewis. In case you haven’t read Read more…
Good ole Master Oogway just may become a regular contributor here at HopeForYourFamily! It is obvious that many have been touched by his wisdom and are hungry to be reminded of his profound words, given the tracking history on my site. (Previous posts on 11/13/08 and 12/28/08) Today I found Read more…
My list of 10 Proven Ways to Increase Your Peace has really been in no particular order. Until now. I have been saving the best for last. This final recommendation is, in my opinion, by far the biggest factor in our lives that affects our level of peace. 10. Read more…
A paradigm is basically a worldview and overall structure for approaching and making sense of life. I start today’s post with the concept of a paradigm, because yours may get shaken a bit today. My number one mentor was all about shaking people’s paradigms while he was walking planet earth. Read more…
In the spirit of Christmastime and the impending new year, it seems appropriate to share another nugget of wisdom from our old friend, Oogway the kung-fu grandmaster turtle. This quote happens to be my very favorite: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That is Read more…
I write this post in anticipation of joy. Based on many past experiences (and one in particular), I feel I am on solid ground to expect some genuine joy and exuberance this weekend. I’m going to risk taking you into my confidence here. My son is turning five this weekend, Read more…
Our household is in full-on Kung Fu Panda mode right now. Don’t tell my son’s school teachers or principal, please! It’s a peace-loving Montessori school, and Kung Fu definitely wouldn’t go over well on that playground. But, he’s a boy who is about to turn five years old, and I’m Read more…
People define success in many different ways. For some, it can be roughly measured by the number of digits in one’s salary or the net value of one’s portfolio. (I suppose these folks are feeling less successful by the day, given the economic mess coming from Wall Street and D.C.) Read more…
Independence Day is just days away for the people of our country. We celebrate the 4th of July as the day our nation officially became a free land, governing ourselves with independent sovereignty. The Boston Tea Party, The Declaration of Independence, “the shot heard round the world” at Concord, and Read more…
The concept of “differentiation of self” was formally defined, explored, and explained by the late Murray Bowen, one of the great minds and founding grandfathers of the field of marriage and family therapy. While his mind and insights were incredibly keen, he wrote on a level that has been very difficult for most folks to easily understand and apply in a practical, meaningful way. Thankfully, others have picked up his torch and found more accessible ways to share his light with the world. I am grateful to find myself in this succession of torch-bearers, and I would like to share a bit with you today about what I have learned regarding the process and power of differentiation.
Here is my best definition of Differentiation: Standing on one’s own two feet. Speaking and acting with calm, courageous, honest integrity, despite any pressures being applied by people or circumstances outside oneself. Being who you know you should be in all circumstances, regardless of whether others praise, criticize, or ignore.
OK, so if you’re like me, you conquered this differentiation thing a long time ago, and always live according to this standard. Yeah, right!!! With the best of intentions, I continue to fall so short of this way of living in so many different circumstances. At the same time, I am grateful to say I am growing, and I come closer to this ideal more often today than in years past. Part of my growth has come through reading and studying about differentiation and related principles, through my academic and ongoing professional training and practice. Most of my growth has come through two far more powerful teachers – life experience and real life mentors.
Through every challenge, failure, and victory I have experienced in my life, I have had one great mentor there for me. He has shown me the best example I could possibly find. He has believed in me, and offered me a steady presence of loving, devoted encouragement. He has even forgiven me of every one of my mistakes and failures, including the ones so heinous I have almost been crushed under the weight of their shame. This mentor is Jesus, the only perfect example of human life and differentiation who has ever walked the planet. I will be sharing more later, but consider today the following glimpses into the life of my ultimate example. (more…)