Time for some PRESENCE!

Published by Roger Butner on

I hope you had the pleasure of sharing Christmas with your family this year.  Sharing gifts with our children – watching their joy erupt as they rip open presents and try out new toys and games – is a rich gift from God.  I am thankful He blessed me with another such year with my family.

Now that the house is filled with new goodies and the recycling bin looks like an overflowing landfill, what’s next?  Well, we have done our best to give good presents – now it’s time to give our presence to our families.  This is one of the richest blessings we can offer our spouse and children.  It costs us nothing, and everything, and is SO worth it!

Our presence blesses our children by:

  1. Helping them develop a secure identity.
  2. Engaging them in meaningful conversation.
  3. Preparing them for life’s challenges.

Being present with our children requires us to:

  1. Show up.  You can’t be present if you aren’t around.
  2. Open our minds to the realities of their perspectives.
  3. Show our child their worth to us by showing interest and value in what matters to them.
  4. Let go of what might happen, and focus on what is happening.
  5. Listen fully before we speak.
  6. Consider before we guide.
  7. Connect before we correct.

So, what does this look like in real life in a real relationship in a real family?

Well, this morning it means I will do my best to encourage my son as he conquers the world of Wii Pokemon.  And I need to be present enough to learn where the Drifblim is carrying Pikachu next, what may happen there, and why it matters to him.  And if his attitude gets off-track during his gaming journey this holiday season, I need to love him enough to gently and firmly correct him and guide him back to the right mindset and behaviors.  Alright, Son, game on!…


10 Comments

Hans Googer · December 28, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Roger, check me out, commenting on your site. Here’s my question: How do I let my one-year-old know that I’m around? What’s the best way to do that?

    Dr. Roger D. Butner · December 30, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Hans – great to have you drop in and comment, my friend! Let’s see, I would
    recommend a generous rotation of: kisses, tickles, peekaboo, feeding,
    reading, singing, storytelling, and general floor play. And I have been
    telling Shep at least every night (and sometimes a few times during the day)
    since he was a baby, “I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re a good boy.”
    He gets it.

    With Hope in Him,
    Dr. Roger D. Butner

    – Murphy Toerner and Associates
    (at C-K Office Park)
    17170 Perkins Rd
    Baton Rouge, LA 70810
    225-753-7773 office
    225-333-1582 cell

    PARENT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!: Don’t assume your child/teen will do the right
    thing. TRAIN your child to do the right thing!

    And there’s plenty more where that came from at http://www.hopeforyourfamily.comand on
    http://www.twitter.com/DrButner

    CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This E-Mail, including attachments, is intended only
    for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may
    contain information that is privileged, confidential and exempt from
    disclosure under applicable law. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure,
    or distribution is prohibited. If you have received this communication in
    error, please do not distribute it. Please notify the sender by E-Mail at
    the address shown and delete the original message. Thank you.

      Hans Googer · January 5, 2011 at 12:44 am

      dude, that is the longest closeout reply ever.

        Dr. Roger D. Butner · January 5, 2011 at 5:27 am

        Closeout reply? Sorry, Hans, don’t follow.

        With Hope in Him,
        Dr. Roger D. Butner

        – Murphy Toerner and Associates
        (at C-K Office Park)
        17170 Perkins Rd
        Baton Rouge, LA 70810
        225-753-7773 office
        225-333-1582 cell

        PARENT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!: Don’t assume your child/teen will do the right
        thing. TRAIN your child to do the right thing!

        And there’s plenty more where that came from at http://www.hopeforyourfamily.comand on
        http://www.twitter.com/DrButner

        CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This E-Mail, including attachments, is intended only
        for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may
        contain information that is privileged, confidential and exempt from
        disclosure under applicable law. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure,
        or distribution is prohibited. If you have received this communication in
        error, please do not distribute it. Please notify the sender by E-Mail at
        the address shown and delete the original message. Thank you.

          Roger D. Butner · January 5, 2011 at 5:29 am

          Oh – now I get it. Looks like I need to work out the bugs in my email reply system.

Hans Googer · December 28, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Roger, check me out, commenting on your site. Here’s my question: How do I let my one-year-old know that I’m around? What’s the best way to do that?

    Dr. Roger D. Butner · December 30, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Hans – great to have you drop in and comment, my friend! Let’s see, I would
    recommend a generous rotation of: kisses, tickles, peekaboo, feeding,
    reading, singing, storytelling, and general floor play. And I have been
    telling Shep at least every night (and sometimes a few times during the day)
    since he was a baby, “I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re a good boy.”
    He gets it.

    With Hope in Him,
    Dr. Roger D. Butner

    – Murphy Toerner and Associates
    (at C-K Office Park)
    17170 Perkins Rd
    Baton Rouge, LA 70810
    225-753-7773 office
    225-333-1582 cell

    PARENT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!: Don’t assume your child/teen will do the right
    thing. TRAIN your child to do the right thing!

    And there’s plenty more where that came from at http://www.hopeforyourfamily.comand on
    http://www.twitter.com/DrButner

    CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This E-Mail, including attachments, is intended only
    for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may
    contain information that is privileged, confidential and exempt from
    disclosure under applicable law. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure,
    or distribution is prohibited. If you have received this communication in
    error, please do not distribute it. Please notify the sender by E-Mail at
    the address shown and delete the original message. Thank you.

      Hans Googer · January 5, 2011 at 12:44 am

      dude, that is the longest closeout reply ever.

        Dr. Roger D. Butner · January 5, 2011 at 5:27 am

        Closeout reply? Sorry, Hans, don’t follow.

        With Hope in Him,
        Dr. Roger D. Butner

        – Murphy Toerner and Associates
        (at C-K Office Park)
        17170 Perkins Rd
        Baton Rouge, LA 70810
        225-753-7773 office
        225-333-1582 cell

        PARENT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!: Don’t assume your child/teen will do the right
        thing. TRAIN your child to do the right thing!

        And there’s plenty more where that came from at http://www.hopeforyourfamily.comand on
        http://www.twitter.com/DrButner

        CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This E-Mail, including attachments, is intended only
        for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may
        contain information that is privileged, confidential and exempt from
        disclosure under applicable law. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure,
        or distribution is prohibited. If you have received this communication in
        error, please do not distribute it. Please notify the sender by E-Mail at
        the address shown and delete the original message. Thank you.

          Roger D. Butner · January 5, 2011 at 5:29 am

          Oh – now I get it. Looks like I need to work out the bugs in my email reply system.

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