Our shower curtain.  Isn’t it lovely?  For every shower curtain hanging in someone’s bathroom, there is a story.  This is mine (*disclaimer* The following conversations may be enhanced only ever so slightly by time and the desire to make a clear point on my blog.  But this is pretty much how it went)…

My lovely fiance (now my lovely bride) and I had been having a somewhat less than lovely experience registering for wedding gifts.  Some items had gone smoothly, but things had reached a tense crescendo at the china section of Dillard’s (aka The Gauntlet) the day before.  We agreed to lighten up.

A shower curtain.  This should be an easy place to make a decision, bring the anticipation of a touch of loveliness to our one bedroom newlywed apartment castle, and help us rebuild some positive momentum toward our wedding day.  Shower curtain…piece of cake…Let’s Do This!

As we strolled arm in arm into the first department store, she very graciously invited me to point out the style I liked.  Me: “I like this one with the big, bold stripes.”  Her: (look of slight disapproval) “Hmmm…how about a different one?”  Me: “Okay, I also like this other one with the big, bold stripes.”  Her: (look of growing annoyance, but still genuine graciousness) “Ummm…”  Me: (also showing the annoyed/gracious countenance) “Why don’t you show me what YOU like?”  Her: (grateful and looking relieved) “I love this one with the flowers!  Do you like it?”  Me: (best poker face) “Nah.  Not really.”  Her: (patiently and eagerly) “Okay, how about this other one with a lovely floral design?  How do you like this one?”  Me: (poker face fading fast) “I…don’t really…like…the ones with…flowers on them.”  Her: “Okay.  Well, what DO you like?”  Me: “I like the ones with big bold stripes.”  Her: “How about this lovely one with a pattern of small flowers on it?  See, they’re really small?  Do you like this one?”  Me: (feeling defeated, aggravated, yet still trying to be patient with the woman I love) “Maybe we could look at another store.”

We then proceeded to essentially repeat the above conversation at two or three other department stores around Baton Rouge.  Finally, with no shower curtain selected, we called off the hunt and called it a night.  The next day, as we were gearing up to face another round of this lovely expedition, something occurred to me, and I thought it was worth sharing with Chemaine…

Me: “You know, you kept asking me yesterday which shower curtain I liked, or whether I liked this or that one.”  Her: (looking as though she suspected I might be on something) “Yes, I remember.”  Me: “Well, I finally realized something you never asked me…”  Her: (bracing for something unspeakably horrific) “Okay…”  Me: “You never asked if I CARE about the shower curtain.”  Her: (a look that said I’d better start making sense real quick)  Me: “Well, you kept asking me whether or not I liked them, and I answered you honestly because you were asking.  And I really appreciate you asking me.  It lets me know you care about my opinion, and I appreciate it.”  Her: (waiting and listening)  Me: “But here’s the thing.  To me, it’s just a shower curtain.  I seriously don’t care what it looks like.  Pick what you like.  It’s just a shower curtain to me.  If I don’t like the way it looks, it honestly doesn’t matter to me.  This seems important to you, though.  Pick what you like.  Seriously.”  Her: (looking relieved and thrilled to be marrying the man of her dreams #PossibleEmbellishmentHere) “Thank you, Baby.  Let’s go find the perfect shower curtain!”  Me: “Great!”

We get to the store, and she took her time browsing around.  Then, suddenly, she lets out a squeal of delight, grabs me, and pulls me over to the object of her gaze.  And there it is…

Don’t expect me to describe it.  You’re looking at the picture!  Her: “This is it!  This is it!  It’s perfect!”  Me: “Terrific!  Let’s get it!”  Her: “Oh, thank you, Jesus!  (My wife is so delightful.)  This is just perfect!  And I know you said to just pick the one I like, but I am so glad I found one we will both like!”  Me: (looking at the shower curtain above, completely confused, but not daring to let on my confusion in this victorious moment) “Okay.  Right.  Good.”  (or just insert any staccato mindless blather here)

And that is the story of how we came to possess the lovely striped and flowered shower curtain that hangs before our shower to this very day.

I learned a very valuable lesson on that day.  When tackling a tough, gridlocked situation in marriage, it is ALWAYS helpful to take time to discover how your spouse FEELS about it, in addition to simply sharing opinions and solutions.  Our emotions drive us most of the time.

And that shower curtain now serves as a reminder of something much more important to me.  I look at those flowers twined around the big bold stripes, and I see my wife’s heart.  I am reminded to follow her example and consider how I can help her win, even as I seek to do what is good for me.  I am reminded of my favorite marriage passage – Philippians 2:1-12.  And I am reminded that my wife’s heart is truly lovely, and I am eager to keep facing the fun and the pain of life together with her.  It’s a great life!  I hope this post is insightful, helpful, or encouraging to you in some way.  If not…well, that’s okay with me.  I had a lot of fun writing it.  And remembering it.

p.s. – I don’t remember how many months or years it was before I finally told her that I actually didn’t like that shower curtain any better than the others, because it still had flowers on it, but that I loved the way she showed me her heart in the process.  We laughed.  Life is good.

After a long and sensational ordeal of witnessing the wrestling match between God’s miraculous power and the stubborn heart of Pharaoh, the Israelite people have finally been led by God out their bondage of cruel slavery in Egypt.  He chose Moses, an imperfect knucklehead, so that all would know Who had really delivered them.  After several days of marching toward their long anticipated home in the Promised Land, the people follow God’s direction via Moses to settle their camp on the bank of the Red Sea.  Just as they are settling in, they realize that the whole Egyptian army is hot on their trail, led by an infuriated king who has decided he is not ready to let his vast supply of slave labor slip away so easily.  The Israelites are understandably very upset, anxious, and afraid.  And they turn on Moses, blaming him for leading them to their seemingly unavoidable and rapidly approaching doom.  To attempt to swim across the Red Sea would have meant certain death.  And to stand and face the terrible army of Egypt would have meant death, just as certainly.

Picking up the story right here, check out Exodus 14:13-15 (New Living Translation)…

But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid.  Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today.  The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.  The LORD himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm.

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me?  Tell the people to get moving!”

I LOVE the paradox reflected in these three verses!  And I find this message is at the heart of recovery from my old life of self-reliance and self-indulgence, as I desire to grow in the freedom of walking in God’s will.

My flesh is so given to worrying.  Fearful fretting and hand-wringing WILL NEVER HELP!  Focusing on the problem – or worse yet, on the fears of how much worse it could get – will only make my situation seem that much more bleak and terrifying.  And I will only get sicker.  I must focus on the solution – the loving hand of God, and doing my best to grasp His hand by surrendering to His will.  Trust God and calm down.  That WILL ALWAYS HELP!

At the same time, my flesh is so given to sitting on my backside, whimpering to God to somehow make my problems go away without me having to do anything challenging or painful.  And so often, His response to me is to ask me what I expect HIM to do for me, when He has already told me what I need to do, at least in part.  I am reminded of the clever and insightful poem, “Buttprints in the Sand.”

Like the nation of Israel, I so often find myself caught between death and death.  The death of flesh-driven self-destruction on one hand, and the death of flesh-sacrificing surrender on the other.  And when I am willing to receive God’s grace, deny the impulses of my flesh, and surrender to God’s will in the moment, it sill amazes me to see the way He parts Red Seas in my life still today.

• This post brought to you by the impact of feeding daily on God’s Word for a continual month, assisted by the One Year Bible reading plan on the YouVersion Bible app for the iPhone.

Ever get into a funky place where you seem restless, irritable, and discontent?

Well, I do.  Sometimes for long stretches, I am sad to say.  And I have found that when I get into one of these grouchy seasons, there is one question that lurks at the heart of the murkiness.  It is a terrible question.  A question that drives me, when I let it.  “What is the Matrix?”  No, that’s not it!  Here it is…

“What do I FEEL LIKE DOING right now?”

Sooner or later, living by this question day after day drives me into the ditch.  It is a lame question for any of us to follow, particularly someone with an “addictive personality” like me.  But we all have a sin nature that calls out in various fleshly ways, convincing us that this question is actually a very reasonable approach to life.

It is not.

Far better to guide my actions from day to day with questions such as these…

“What would be good for me to do now?”

“What is God’s will for me today (as best I can tell)?”

“How can I bless someone else?”

And the irony of it is this: When I pursue those things that I feel like doing, I am rarely, if ever contented by them.  But when I am willing to pursue those things that God would have me do to bless others, I find within my self a growing sense of contentment and joy that I am simply not capable of contriving on my own.

Have a great day – bless someone else by doing God’s will!

This was my most physically fit point of last year.  I don’t have an updated Wii Fit screen shot to show you today, but it is in the neighborhood of 240 (Don’t even start me on what happens to my Mii when I get on the balance board!).  Here is a brief account and analysis of what happened with my physical fitness last year…

I decided some time in late December that it was time to surrender my appetite fully to God.  I knew this would be the most important foundation to any approach I took to improving my physical fitness.  I still believe this to be true.  In December/January, I began a two part (“Eat Less, Move More”) process to weight loss that burned off nearly 40 lbs in 4 months.  I began eating homemade fruit smoothies as meal and snack replacements, and I began working out for an hour a day (sometimes twice a day) on our elliptical machine at home.  I’m sure there were some other nuances, but that is the core of what I did.  It worked, but it was too extreme to be sustainable for me.  And so it didn’t stick.

Three things happened at the same time that interrupted my rhythm, and because my rhythm was so hard core, I have never regained it.  1. I got a plantar wart.  Very painful.  Not fun.  Incredibly disruptive to my workout rhythm.  2. I started P90-X, thinking I would have a workout partner, but without being sure our schedules would really line up.  Given my personality, the elliptical machine makes for a great solitary workout.  P90-X makes for a great workout buddy exercise.  This further interrupted my flow.  3. I did the “Plyometrics” workout on P90-X and gave it everything I had.  I could barely walk for the next three days.  Literally.  I was in agony.  The culmination of these three dynamics was more than my workout rhythm could overcome.

I have found that exercising regularly and eating a healthier diet go hand in hand.  They just do.  At least for me.  If I do one in earnest, I am likely to do the other.  And reap the physical (emotional, relational, and spiritual) benefits.  If I let one go, I am likely to stop doing the other.  And reap the physical (emotional, relational, and spiritual) consequences.  Given all of this, here is my plan for the foreseeable future…

• Do a moderate workout (20-40) minutes three times a week.
• Drink more water, and less soft drinks.
• Eat more vegetables, and less salty stuff (the latter category covers a host of dietary nightmares)
• Have a smoothie when I’m really hankering for a snack.
• Have some fruit when I’m really hankering for dessert.

Rather than aiming to lose X number of pounds in the next few months, I am aiming for being under 200 pounds in three years and five years and ten years.  I am going for moderate, consistent, and sustainable.  Here goes…

p.s. – I will also probably have smoothies sometimes for breakfast and/or lunch, but not as a rigid rule.  Also, if you are wondering how I make my smoothies, here goes.  I have a smoothie blender that makes basically one large (XL maybe?) smoothie.  Don’t remember the name.  Don’t know the volume.  Oh well.  I put a fresh banana in first, then top that with Dole frozen mixed fruit until it is almost to the top.  I usually sprinkle in some ground flax seed.  Then I fill it up with unsweetened almond milk and sweetened coconut milk.  Blend that sucker up and I’m good to geaux!

1. I remember feeling physically better than I ever had in my entire life back in the early spring of 2011.  I was eating healthy and working out regularly.  That all started with a decision to surrender my appetites daily to God.  It’s time to yield to the true leadership of the LORD again.
2. Life will be better on multiple fronts if I will read more and iPhone less.
3. Life will be better on multiple fronts if I will blog more and Facebook less.
4. My family has been sharing nightly (well, more often than not) devotionals together during this Christmas season.  It has been very good.  I need to find a nightly family devotional guide TODAY that we can begin to use, now that we are through the Christmas lessons.  This is a wonderful momentum, and I can see the obvious benefits of me taking the primary lead in this movement at our house.
5. I need to practice at home what I preach in my office as a husband.  Grace, mercy, and compassion have been in short supply on my end for a while.  By God’s grace, that is changing.  It’s about time!
6. I am eager to stay in more regular conversation with my spiritual mentor.  Daily would be good – but I’m staying away from “resolutiony” goals here.
7. I want to grow in grace.  I think that is “my word” for this coming year.  I want to experience it more fully by embracing the gift that God so freely and eagerly offers me daily.  I want to share it more by walking more purposefully and willingly with my amazing Savior.  I want to be a grace person.
8. God is clearly calling me to be more missional.  To be more intentional about sharing the Good News of Jesus with those around me.  Especially with my friends who are reaching out for God.
9. Slow down more.  Enjoy the present moment and the wonder of God.
10. Get going more readily.  When it’s time to do something I don’t really feel like doing, quit thinking about it and get with it.
11. Be a more consistent friend.
12. Respond to emails and phone messages more promptly.

Okay, 12 seems like a good number.  I’ll stop there.  But here’s the deal.  I’m not beating my self up about the growth I still see a need for in my life.  Gracious!  Who do I know that isn’t still in need of growth?!  I am grateful for my life today.  I am grateful to be the man I am today.  Just as I am.  Aiming high.  Falling short.  Aiming low.  Rising above.  Succeeding.  Failing.  Enjoying.  Whining.  Leading.  Punking.  Worshiping.  Slacking.  And doing it all in the grace of God.  Bring on 2012 – so long as I get to face every day in God’s grace.

I know, another video link, rather than original blog material – lame.  Oh well, it’s where I am, and today God reminded me in His wonderful, powerful, wild, calming way how true is the Message of this song.  May you be blessed with the peace of embracing His presence in your life today.

Sorry about the “S-word” in that video, but he just nailed this issue, so I’m sharing it.  This will be short and sweet…

I am “on” my iPhone too much.  Facebooking mostly.  But also texting, taking silly pictures, and just looking for stuff.  This needs to change.  I am missing out on life.  I am missing out on my wife.  This is ridiculous!  So, here’s the plan, at least as a starting point.

After 9pm, the iPhone goes to the charger and stays outta my hands.  And the one I’m really wrestling with is this one – Don’t get on Facebook unless I have taken the time to either write a meaningful blog post for the day or read something meaningful from a book for at least half an hour.  I don’t want to get legalistic about it.  Believe me – I know what an epic fail that path is for actually solving any kind of heart issues.  Been there, done that.  But I need structure, and this thing needs turning around.  My wife tells me I share too much on Facebook.  True.  Maybe this post is too much.  But I’m thinking some of you can relate and could use an encouragement and a helpful idea.  And you may start finding some helpful stuff on my website again soon.  : ]

#NeedFreedom

Click here to view the embedded video.

Now watch this video…

Click here to view the embedded video.

I dare you to watch the first one again now.

Maybe you’re not an LSU fan, so it’s easy to dismiss.  And perhaps you genuinely don’t care about football.  This pair of videos kicked me in the teeth.  More importantly and to the point, my heart is convicted.  Thanks to my friend, Joey, for sharing these with me.  Pray for me, as I pray for you to be set free of the idols in our lives.  As far as I know, I will still be watching the big game on November 5 and cheering for the LSU Tigers.  Nothing wrong with that.  But I want to be totally willing to do something else with my time if the Holy Spirit calls me elsewhere.  And I don’t need to be worshiping LSU or Coach Miles or the defense or the offense or the “Honey Badger” or any of that as I watch the game.  As Joey so eloquently and succinctly put it – “GEAUX JESUS!”  Thanks again, Joe!

I was recently asked to contribute a recipe to a cookbook for an organization that encourages step-families to live well.  Now that we have gotten some hints of fall in the air (my prayers continue to go up for the drought to end for the great state of Texas, where this recipe first began its evolution), I thought this would be something appropriate and different to share on the blog…

I have heard Ron Deal’s comment that step-families shouldn’t be
blended, but slow-cooked. In that spirit, here is a recipe I have
developed over the years that is a wonderful celebration of this
concept. Different ingredients cooked low and slow to lend their
unique contributions to one delightful, house-warming creation. I have
found that the longer it sits, the better it gets, provided you don’t
interrupt the process too much by reacting with the impulse to “fix” it
along the way. So true for stepfamilies! Slow and steady is a far better
recipe than quick and reactive. And isn’t that true with so much of life.
I have included options for making it hotter. Experiment to find the
best alarm-level for your family’s taste.

When serving it to large
groups, I typically make a big pot (triple recipe) that I would consider a
good 2-3 alarm chili. I will also make a small pot (half recipe) of a 5+
alarm concoction (heavy on chili peppers, including the almighty
habanero) that will burn a hole through your belly if eaten straight. I
then invite my family and friends to use the bowl of fire as a mix-in to
heat up a big bowl of the standard chili to their liking.
And if you ever join my family at our table for a big bowl of fiesta chili,
don’t be surprised if it seems a bit different than what you’ve been
cooking. I promise I’m not holding out on you – I just never really cook
it the same way twice. ENJOY!!!

Fiesta Chili

*1 – 1 1/2 lb. ground beef or venison (browned)
*2 cans Ranch Style Beans (undrained) or Texas Style (hotter)
*1 can crushed tomatoes (undrained) or 1 can Rotel (hotter)
*1 medium yellow onion (chopped)
* 3 green onions (chopped)
*1 poblano pepper (finely chopped) (can sub a bell pepper if poblano
is unavailable)
* 1 serrano pepper (finely chopped)
* 3 cloves garlic (finely chopped) or 1 tsp. garlic powder
* 3 jalepenos (chopped) (hotter)
* 2 cups beef broth
* 1 Tbs. Tabasco Sauce (hotter)
* 1 Tbs. chili powder
* 1 tsp. paprika
* 1 tsp. cumin
* salt and pepper to taste

Brown the meat – in a cast iron pot, if you have one. As the meat is
almost browned, add all fresh chopped onions and peppers. When
meat, onions, and peppers are cooked (about 3 minutes or so), add all
remaining ingredients. I like to serve this chili over rice, so feel free to
stretch it with another cup or two of broth or water to feed another
person, if needed. Cook on stovetop at medium-low for 1-2 hours (the
longer the better), or in a crock-pot for as long as you can resist the
mouthwatering aroma.  After pouring over rice, and maybe adding some Fritos, top with fresh cilantro leaves to go all the way with your chili fiesta!

With Hope in Him and eagerness for fall weather,

Dr. Butner