Let’s pick up the story of Elijah’s Day of Despair (or Dark Night of the Soul, if you like) in 1 Kings 19 from where we left it in the previous post…

And so, he [Elijah] gave up.  He had nothing left.  No hope.  No energy.  No faith.  No courage.  No reason to live.  He was spent.  He collapsed under a tree and cried out to God with his last ounce of bitter strength, “I’m DONE!  If you care for me in the slightest, God, kill me now and put me out of my misery!!!”

Perhaps you can relate.  You have collapsed in exhaustion and despair under that same tree and wailed at God in that same voice.  You know how helpless and hopeless he felt.  Read on, I have a message of real Hope for you today.

God’s immediate response to Elijah was one of understanding, compassion, and provision.  He didn’t ignore him.  He didn’t berate him for his weakness.  He didn’t strike him dead for his lack of faith.  He blessed his servant with rest.  And He blessed His servant with fresh food and fresh water.

God understands our limitations and our weakness.  He made us.  He does not punish us for being worn out and discouraged.  However, He will allow us to run out of gas if we begin facing life with the notion that we can handle it all on our own power.  God’s loving response to Elijah was to let him “crash” and get some much-needed sleep, interrupted only by a heavenly waiter serving up fresh baked bread and cold, clear water.  As a father, there is a good chance I would have begun with a lecture, had that been my son throwing in the towel: “Are you kidding me, Elijah?!!  Have you already forgotten what I just did on Mt. Carmel?  Do you really think I can’t handle one dastardly royal couple, after what I did to all those prophets of Baal?  Come on, son!  Get your head in the game.  What’s the matter with you?!!” It’s a good thing God handles weakness better than I do.  A very good thing.

And after his stay at God’s Bed and Breakfast, Elijah is invited to another mountaintop for a visit with The Almighty.  Here on the mountain of God, Elijah is given the three rich gifts of perspective, work, and relationship.  God gently reminds him that He is in charge, that He has not abandoned Elijah, and that he is not so alone (or all-important) as he thinks he is.  He blesses him with a new mission – more work to do.  Now, you may not see how giving a weary man more work to do could be a blessing.  What happened to that rest and refreshment?  To put it simply, we humans are at our healthiest in mind, body, spirit, and relationship when we are actively working on something meaningful.  Yes, we need to take time for rest and refreshment, and we American Christians are suffering greatly for our rejection of God’s command to honor the sabbath day and keep it holy.  But when rest and refreshment moves beyond retreat and turns to escape and avoidance, life turns ugly in a hurry.

Relationship.  “It is not good for a man to be alone.”  God’s comment on the human race is as true today as it was in the garden with Adam and on the mountaintop with Elijah.  Solitude is one thing, and can be deeply refreshing.  But feeling like you are a lone target with no one who cares, understands, or has the willingness to stand with you?  Hell on earth!  So God informs Elijah that he is actually part of a band of 7,000 rebels faithful to the LORD, and takes it a huge step further.  Guess what, Elijah?…  You don’t have to do this whole lone prophet thing any longer!  Elijah, meet Elisha, your new best friend and partner in ministry.

Does God respond this way to each of us when we are downtrodden and despairing?  Yes and no.  Yes, He always responds with understanding, compassion, and provision.  No, we don’t all get a stay at God’s Bed and Breakfast.  Or catch a ride on the hottest wheels of all time, for that matter.  But when we admit we cannot face life any longer out of our own strength, and fall on God’s mercy, He will lift us up and give us just what we need to continue the journey.

Ready for a truly life-changing experience?

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Want to learn how to be the best man you can be from some guys who have earned the right to teach us?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you really need to check out MEN’S FRATERNITY!!!  Click here or on the Men’s Frat tab above for all the details and registration information.

And for guys in the Baton Rouge area, come be a part of “REFUEL” Men’s Conference at the Church of the Highlands on Saturday, August 14.  Click here for details and registration information.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  This is what I call living!  Lord, keep teaching me through children.

(p.s. – I haven’t forgotten about my Elijah/God post.  I will share the rest of the story as soon as I finish some work that needs finishing.)

Here are a few tips for living with reasonable freedom from the bondage of stress.  Most of these I have learned the hard way.  Some of them I have experienced the hard way, but have not yet learned:

1. Seek God every day.
2. Surrender to God every day.
3. Ask for help when you need it.
4. Graciously accept the help you are offered.
5. Slow down.
6. Work hard to finish the tasks you start.
7. Make rest an important priority.
8. Prayerfully consider your list of current commitments before adding to the list.
9. Learn to embrace, respect, and celebrate your limitations.
10. Say “Thank you” often.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Stick with a sensible exercise routine.
13. Let go of the need to be right.
14. Hunger and thirst for righteousness.
15. Don’t forget to play and pray every day!

What would you add from your experiences?

I will never forget the tension and anxiety that permeated my house and family as I crossed the bridge from ignorance to knowledge regarding the fundamentals of sex.  Let me take you on a quick trip back to this poignant memory in my life.

I was in the fifth grade at a private Christian school.  Our school’s approach to sex education was to set aside one afternoon each year for the fifth and sixth grade guys and the fifth and sixth grade girls to meet together with a teacher of their own gender to watch a cartoon about the basic purposes, biology, mechanics, and functions of human sex and to spend time in Q & A / discussion about it.  In order to participate in the video viewing and discussion, students had to get their parents to sign a consent form and return it to the school.  No big deal, right?  Well, depends on your personality and your family dynamics.

I sensed immediately this was something that would be unpleasant at best, and should probably be avoided at all costs.  Somehow I had gotten the clear message that issues of sexuality were taboo in our household.  And I complied with all my might!  I brought that consent form home and silently laid it on the kitchen counter, hoping and praying my parents would sign it and leave it for me to return without having to face the terrifying awkwardness of this unknown conversational territory with them.  Well, my folks signed it an left it there for me without comment or question.  AFTER LEAVING IT SITTING SILENTLY ON THAT KITCHEN COUNTER FOR A WHOLE WEEK!  I think simple breathing was difficult that week.  The only two things that changed the next year were I spent more time in anticipatory worry and my parents signed the paper the first night.

I don’t know for sure how or when I will face this issue with my son.  And I’m sure I won’t get it all right.  But I’m sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that I won’t do it the way my folks did.  Oh yeah, there was also that time in the third or fourth grade when I asked my Dad out in our country backyard why the roosters were always attacking the hens, and he replied, “They’re making love, Son.”  Okay, Dad – check!

My point is not to vilify my parents or rake them over the coals.  My Mom may very well end up reading this post, and I wrestled with whether or not to share it.  I decided to share it with you because I think it typifies the kind of anxiety that so often keeps parents from having The Tough Talks with their kids in a purposeful, effective, and helpful manner.  After you finish laughing at me and my family (don’t be too hard on us – we all have our goofy stuff), you may find your self still unsure about how to have The Tough Talks with your own kids.  If so, I won’t laugh at you, but I will offer the following for your consideration and implementation.

• Being uncomfortable talking to your kids about sex, alcohol, drugs, morals, divorce, etc is perfectly okay.  As long as you are willing to take a breath, say a prayer, and have the Tough Talks anyway.  Be a Nike parent.  JUST DO IT!
• Remember how much is at stake for your child.  Consider their chances of successfully navigating these waters without an experienced someone courageously showing them the way.  Consider where they may get their direction, if not from you.  Keep it in perspective.
• Practice saying the really hard stuff before you actually talk with your child.  Practice saying the really important stuff before you actually talk with your child.  Practice it with your spouse.  Practice it with a friend.  The more you practice saying the really hard/important stuff, the more you can get comfortable with the words and the greater your chances of getting them out at least halfway right with your kids.  Practice makes possible.
• Prep your child for The Tough Talk by having her/him read an assigned book, article, or manual before the conversation.  Equip your child for The Tough Talk. (By the way, my parents did get me a copy of “Preparing for Adolescents” by James Dobson at some point in there.)
• Prep your self, and maybe your child as well, with a movie that leads into the topic or inspires you to step up and lead courageously.  Movies and TV shows can provide some rich life-material ripe for thoughtful and meaningful conversation, if you will take the time to notice it, select it, and seize the moment.  Use entertainment media to your advantage.
• Start by discussing the level of discomfort in your self, and invite your child to do the same.  Once you have acknowledged the elephant in the living room, you will be more comfortable to go ahead with the guts of The Tough Talk.  Laugh at your discomfort!
• For crying out loud, don’t try to do this all alone or reinvent the wheel!  Ask your friends or trusted family members how they crossed this particular bridge (or similar ones).  Whether the stories you hear supply you with How-To or How-Not-To, you will be better equipped and less anxious when you step out on that bridge to lead your child across previously uncharted waters.  Ask friends for their stories.

I sincerely hope this is helpful in your quest to courageously, lovingly, and effectively lead your child through the challenging waters of life as you share The Tough Talks together.  I will be posting follow-up articles with specific tips for specific topics in the coming weeks and months, as I continue presenting my series of Having The Tough Talks on my Parenting 101 interview segment on WAFB at 6:15ish am the last Tuesday of the month.

Have you ever felt totally beaten down and defeated by life?  Are you feeling that way today?  It seems like you have done everything you know to do.  You have tried to do what is right.  Maybe even done what you can to live a life pleasing to God.  You know you aren’t perfect, but you have done your best.  And life has kicked you in the teeth and left you weeping alone, praying for God to at least show you the mercy of letting you die and leave all this pain and misery behind.

You are not alone.  I have a story to share with you.  I don’t mean to cheapen your pain and grief and misery by dismissing you with a simplistic story of faith.  I do hope to share with you a glimpse of the God who created you, loves you, understands your limitations, and wants to point you in the direction of a good purpose for your life.  But before we hear the story of God’s tender loving response, we must first hear the story of a man’s real life experience with weariness, fear, bitterness, and despair (as described in 1 Kings 17-19 in the Holy Bible):

Elijah had been shown special provision and favor from God.  That much was unmistakable.  While God had certainly not made his life comfortable through the hard times that had hit the land, He had cared for his daily needs of food and shelter in rather amazing ways.  When God had called him to stand up to the wicked and corrupt king and to humiliate and slaughter the false prophets of the land, he had obeyed and seen an awe-inspiring display of God’s power.  As bizarre as God’s expectations had been, hadn’t he shown his consistent willingness to obey?!?  Had God not seen how faithful his servant had been, and how willing he had been to face adversity in obedience to his Lord?

And what blessing had Elijah received for his faithfulness?  What prize to thank him for his devotion to the Almighty of Heaven?  What token of gratitude for his willingness to stand up for God, when all others seemed to have abandoned Him?

A DEATH THREAT!  From a queen who did not make idle threats and had an established history of ruthless, bloodthirsty cruelty.  Elijah was now assured of a cruel execution in the very near future, probably in a very public spectacle to make an example out of him.  His mountaintop experience wasn’t worth a hill of beans now.  His number was up.

And so, he gave up.  He had nothing left.  No hope.  No energy.  No faith.  No courage.  No reason to live.  He was spent.  He collapsed under a tree and cried out to God with his last ounce of bitter strength, “I’m DONE!  If you care for me in the slightest, God, kill me now and put me out of my misery!!!”

Stay tuned to read the rest of the story and hear of God’s wonderful response of mercy, provision, and power…

My bride, Chemaine, and I celebrate 14 years of matrimonial journey together today.  So far, it has been an adventure infused with joy, laughter, pain, frustration, delight, growth, healing, seeking, praying, forgiving, encouraging, reacting, responding, play, work, and so much more.  Thank you for sharing your life with me, Darlin!  I am enjoying today, and looking forward to tomorrow, hopefully having grown from yesterday.

As I reflect on my years of marriage, it seems fitting to pass along to you some of the lessons I have learned, in no particular order.  Feel free to post comments in response, or with your own lessons learned.

1. Friendship is a key ingredient to a thriving marriage.
2. Apologizing clearly, sincerely, and quickly (once you can genuinely cover the first two points well) is a powerful lubricant to the marital engine.
3. Life is better when I am praying regularly for my wife’s blessings.
4. When I am feeling discontented, frustrated, or angry, serving my wife is always good medicine for both of us.
5. Playtime shouldn’t be reserved just for the kids.
6. Getting stuck on a sandbar on a cruise to Cozumel, and catching the redeye flight home via expedited Mexican customs is a great way to make lifetime memories.
7. Hanging out in the cruise ship karaoke bar with no other agenda than relaxing together, dancing a bit, and enjoying a few moments in the glorious spotlight of karaoke fame is another.
8. If I had fully understood the challenges of “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh” before I got married, I might not have taken the plunge.
9. I’m really glad I took the plunge.
10. Marriage is MUCH better when I am willing to humbly seek the guidance of others whose lives and marriages I respect.
11. If I live in such a way that others know my marriage is my highest relationship priority, I won’t need to convince my wife.  She will already know it.
12. I do well to regularly read Philippians 2:1-11 and James 1:19-20
13. Watching “Everybody Loves Raymond” together is always time well spent.
14. Sex is not nearly as big a part of marriage as I thought it would be.
15. Sex is a far greater part of marriage than I imagined.
16. Sex can be complicated, mysterious, and mystifying.  Of course, both marriage and life in general can be complicated, mysterious, and mystifying.
17. Learning to speak my wife’s “love language” well is good for both of us.
18. Love languages are not necessarily static.  They can change over time.
19. Periodically reading good books together is time well spent.
20. The Holy Spirit’s voice sometimes sounds remarkably like Chemaine’s.
21. Taking regular retreats together to fine-tune, rest, listen, and grow are essential to my marriage.
22. The Parish Hermitage is the best place for us to retreat.
23. If I am smiling and genuinely present with my wife on the phone, she feels it clearly on her end.
24. If I am distracted or rolling my eyes with my wife on the phone, she feels it clearly on her end.
25. I am a FAR better man for my wife’s impact on my life!
26. If I am not sure what to say to my wife, “Let’s go to Izzo’s (Illegal Burrito)!” is always a good option.
27. Learning what delights my wife, and then bringing that delight to her, is one of my favorite treasures to experience.

With Hope in Him, and delight in her,

Roger

No, I am not a financial adviser.  But I have discovered the key to total financial security.  It is the simplest and hardest thing you can do.  It doesn’t involve the Powerball Lottery or the New York Stock Exchange.  It doesn’t require any understanding of stocks, mutual funds, or anything reported on CNN, Fox News, or MSNBC.  It didn’t come from Dave Ramsey or Ron Blue or Larry Burkett or Crown Financial Ministries, although I think these guys would agree.  So, what is the key to total financial security?

“Seek first his (God’s) kingdom and his (God’s) righteousness, and all these things (financial needs) will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:33

Make it your business to do God’s will as your sole focus in life, and He will make it His business to take care of your every need.

Now I’m not going to sit and here and lie to you and tell you I never get worried over financial insecurities.  I do fall into that stress-trap from time to time.  But I’m going to shoot straight with you here, and this isn’t just some kind of religious mumbo-jumbo.  I am speaking from real life experience.  When my heart, soul, mind, and strength is focused on Kingdom business as I seek to surrender to God’s will and carry out His good work around me, I do not worry about finances.  And God takes care of me.  Period.

Do I have a huge cushion in my bank account?  No.  Do I live in the nicest house or drive the nicest car in Baton Rouge?  No.  But ask me if I have missed a house payment.  Ask me if my family has gone hungry.  Ask me if my family has everything we need.  I realize I live in Middle Class America, which means I live with more wealth at my disposal than the vast majority of the population of the world.  This means I probably have a very skewed view of financial needs, wants, security, abundance, etc.  Granted.  But I know this for sure.  When my life is centered on doing the work of the Kingdom and living as an ambassador of Christ in this dark world, I don’t worry about bills, checking accounts, and IRAs.  And let’s face it, worrying about those things can drain the life right out of us.

I know this is a very familiar passage for many of you, but I dare you to take some time to really read and meditate on what these words mean to your life:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  The eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!  No one can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and Money.”

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:19-34 (NIV)

I think the key to putting this lifestyle into practice is expressed very well in this old hymn that I haven’t sung in years:

“This world is not my home.  I’m just a-passin’ through.  My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.  The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door.  And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.”

Now I think I’ll head outside and watch the family of geese feed around the pond for a while.  God is so good!

Please pray for this amazing event!  For all in the Baton Rouge area, please consider getting involved in the event announced in this email from my friend, and a genuine servant of Christ, Clayton Hays:

Gardere Giveaway Outreach – Almost Here Again!

If you were a part of last year’s Gardere Giveaway Outreach, the picture above brings back some great memories!

Last May about 250 folks from at least 12 churches teamed up to show the love of the Lord to over 1,200 people who live in the Gardere Area.  We provided clothing, household items, medical evaluations, food, caring conversations, and the Good News of God’s provision for us all through Jesus Christ!

It was such a time of joy and encouragement as the believers in the Gardere churches were so excited for other believers to come help them reach out.  All the folks from the churches had fun getting to know each other and many people in the surrounding neighborhood were touched to see that others cared about them.  In addition, people became involved in the Gardere churches.  The Hispanic church doubled in size within four weeks of the outreach!

This year the Gardere Giveaway is planned for Saturday May 1^st at the same BREC park on Gardere Lane.  At this stage we are focused on gathering and organizing donations of clothing, household items, small furniture, and toys.

Here are some ways you can be involved in this outreach:

1.    Help organize items and put clothes on hangers Monday’s in April (5PM to 8 PM).

2.    Donate items.

3.    Show a DVD about this outreach at your church to invite others to become involved.

4.    Collect donated items at your church and haul them to our storage facility.

5.    Help put up the tents at the BREC park on Thursday April 29^th.

6.    Help move all donated items to the BREC park on Friday April 30^th.

7.    Volunteer at the outreach May 1^st.

If the Lord is moving you to be involved, please let me know by responding to this email or call my cell phone (225-803-4566).

Please pray that the Lord will touch many people in significant ways through this outreach!

Thank you for your prayers!

Clayton Hays

Connections

“Connecting People for Ministry”

5440 Port Hudson Dr.

Baton Rouge, LA 70817

Also, here is an article from 225 on Clayton and the Gardere Giveaway.