HopeForYourFamily

I find my self at Ground Zero.  Last night, I got my guitar out of the case where it has rested since Hurricane Gustav.  Wow – that’s been a while!  The short story is God has finally managed to break through the hardened crust around my heart to convict me to relinquish Facebook from my life.  In the ensuing addiction withdrawals, I have been replacing Facebooking with FaceStuffing, and have been putting on some unwanted pounds (see my previous post on The Biggest Loser).  I have a new structured exercise regimen that will begin next week – three workouts a week with a personal trainer, compliments of Pennington Biomedical Center.  But what to do with my fidgety self in the evenings?  Get out that guitar and start over!  And with that, I am re-posting the following entry.  These lessons really hit me hard as I read them again this morning.  Along with some really sore fingertips:

June 12, 2008

My lovely wife surprised me at Christmas with a guitar. My first guitar. A very nice Martin acoustic guitar – at that! She has heard me say over the years that “one of these days I’d love to learn to play the guitar,” so she decided there was no time like the present. My Dad played an acoustic guitar when I was growing up (and Mom played piano), and I’ve always been a singer, but I just never took the time to learn to play. And now I realize why.

It takes time, focus, patience, diligence – basically a lot of self-discipline. Hmmmm, where has the issue of self-discipline come up lately? But I really, really want to play guitar. No, that’s not quite the truth. The truth is, I want to be great with the guitar. It’s not that I have visions of being a famous performer with a huge following. (OK, maybe just a little – but it’s about as serious a dream as Fletch playing power forward for the Lakers!) I want to be great at the guitar, because music means so much to me, and I believe this will open up a whole avenue of experiencing and expressing my self. But what I really want to share with you are some of the life lessons I am learning from guitar lessons:

1. You don’t master anything overnight, no matter how much it matters to you. (I would argue that anything you actually can master overnight is not likely to make much of a meaningful impact on your life.) It takes time, focus, and determination to master anything worthwhile in life. Shortcuts and quick fixes do not lead to mastery. Only persistent, diligent, self-discipline leads to mastery.

2. If you really want to be good at something, you have to be willing to work on the stuff that isn’t fun and doesn’t come easy. If you are willing to toil your way through the parts that just aren’t fun and don’t come naturally, eventually you may just find yourself in the promised land where those things have become second-nature and allow you to enjoy life in ways you never could have imagined before doing all that hard work.

3. If you want to make big forward progress, you have to move at a pace you can actually sustain. Sometimes in our zeal to get where we want to be with a new life endeavor, we can push and rush ourselves so hard that we slide into the swamp of frustration and burnout, rather than steadily walking down the path to the promised land.

4. Sometimes you need to take a break and play, if you are going to have any hope of staying the course for the long haul. Just don’t forget that the playtime is a break, and that more work remains to be done. When practicing a Beatles song with rapid transitions from G to F to C have me wanting to make kindling out of my innocent six-string, it may be a good idea to blow off the Fab Four for a few minutes and play the really fun and easy chords of “Free Fallin” by Tom Petty, which requires very little thought or skill and has the benefit of leading me down the nostalgic path back to 10th grade. Ah, that was fun – now I’m ready to tackle George Harrison!

5. Humility goes a long way toward making real progress at any worthwhile pursuit in life. I can’t tell you how much I would love to quit going for my weekly guitar lessons until I have mastered everything my teacher has shown me so far. Then I could come back and really impress him! But I seriously doubt I would stick with it at this point, if I didn’t have that weekly lesson to keep me on track. And even if I did, I will progress much more quickly and learn much more, if I stick with a good teacher/mentor – which requires the humility to keep coming in week after week and demonstrate how at this point I’m not even worthy to change the guitar strings for a Hendrix or a Clapton or a Van Halen or a Vaughn. But I hope and believe that if I am willing to keep admitting each day who and where I really am, and who and where I really am not, I will grow a little better each day.

Many thanks to Ben “Obi-Wan” Hurley, my terrific guitar teacher at Zeagler Music. I am grateful for the many things I am learning from you, including guitar.

Tags: discipline, facebook, guitar, the journey

Step One: We admitted we were powerless…

Okay, God – you tell me what to do with Facebook.

Roger

Tags: discipline, facebook, freedom, hope, social networking, spiritual formation, the journey

Here it is, as promised.

Tags: coffee, friends, spiritual formation, the journey

As I shared in my last post, I have been praying and meditating on the original “long form” of the Serenity Prayer for a few days now.  Today I had an experience with this prayer that I just had to share.  I actually printed it out and brought it to share with some friends of mine, as it has been making such a meaningful impression on me.  One of my good buddies spilled his coffee on the table, resulting in stains here and there on the paper on which the prayer had been printed.  I must admit, I had a momentary reaction of wanting to call him some version of a big, clumsy oaf (the immediate impulse of my flesh), but I laughed to my self as I considered the words and message of the prayer.  It was such a great learning moment for me that I decided to tape the coffee-stained Serenity Prayer on my desk, to help me remember to actually PRACTICE the principles contained within it.  Go down and read the words of this prayer in the post below, and perhaps you will see why it struck me as a humorous situation and a great opportunity to put the prayer into action.

Blessings to you on your journey!

p.s. – I’ll follow up with a picture when I have the opportunity.

Tags: coffee, friends, spiritual formation, the journey

God has been gently, but clearly, speaking to me about my need to establish a “rule of life” – a daily structure of prayer, reading His Word, and meditation in Him.  As some have put it, I need to stop trying to live a holy life and start training to live a holy life.  As such, the Holy Spirit has led me to several prayers to guide my rule of prayer for the season of Lent this year as I seek to grow in the Way of Christ.  For those who may be interested, here they are:

Penitential Prayer of St. Ambrose of Milan

O Lord, who hast mercy upon all, take away from me my sins, and mercifully kindle in me the fire of thy Holy Spirit.  Take away from me the heart of stone, and give me a heart of flesh, a heart to love and adore Thee, a heart to delight in Thee, to follow and enjoy Thee, for Christ’s sake.  Amen

Prayer in the Way of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.  Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.  O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.  For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.  Amen

Serenity Prayer of Reinhold Neibuhr

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.  Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that You will make all things right, if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen

Model Prayer of Jesus

Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.  May your Kingdom come soon.  May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.  Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.  And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.  For yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever.  Amen

Tags: hope, spiritual formation, the journey

Tug-of-war can be a really fun way to get exercise, build teamwork, and enjoy a spirited competition.  Then again, it can also be a great way to get pulled into a big mud puddle!

Emotional tug-of-war can be a frustrating, draining exercise that diverts our energy from positive pursuits and relationship-building activity into a muddy pit of wasted life.  Does this sound familiar?  Have you experienced the discouragement of pouring seemingly endless energy into a relationship, with the underlying goal of “having it your way,” only to feel the ongoing pull on the emotional rope of the other person who is equally invested in “having it his/her way?”  There are definitely better ways to get a strenuous workout!

Folks, as I always strive to do in my sharing with you, I’m going to level with you about my own struggles in this fruitless playing of emotional tug-of-war.  Despite my sincere desire and efforts to grow spiritually, emotionally, relationally (they are really simply different strands of the same rope, by the way), I still slip back into playing this game.  It is exhausting and a ridiculous waste of my time, focus, and energy.  And yet, there I go – picking up the rope and straining and pulling and sweating and cursing for all I’m worth!  YUCK!

The weariness and emotional drain isn’t even the most painful part of the process.  The real pain comes in realizing that however justified and “Right” I may feel in my position in this particular round of emotional tug-of-war, what is actually driving me to hold that rope and pull with all my might is PRIDE.  Plain old sinful egotistical pride!  I think my way is right, and I won’t let go until you agree.  Take that!  And so I voluntarily tie my self to an individual (or organization or entity) that I believe, at least at the present moment, to be misguided and wrong.  And then I wonder why my blood pressure goes up and I feel agitated and tired.  Wait a minute – haven’t I been pursuing FREEDOM in my life?!!  Don’t I still want to live in freedom as I journey along the road of life?  Don’t I still believe I cannot truly offer gifts of freedom to others if I do not live in freedom in my own life?  What to do?…

DROP THE ROPE!!!

(Next post – Dropping the Rope)

Tags: family, friends, hope, leadership, marriage / relationships, parenting, personal responsibility, screamfree, the journey

Some of you may consider me a big loser for posing with my friend Pooh Bear, here.  That’s cool.  Others may consider me a big loser for plenty of other reasons.

The reason I am posting this today is because I am very excited about participating in the Biggest Loser 2010: C-K Office Park edition.  Several years ago, I decided it was time to lose weight and get fit.  I did just that, losing 60 lbs in about 6 months.  I kept it off for quite some time, but slowly put almost all of it back on as I slowly lost the discipline to be guided by my goals and values over my impulses and urges.

So, I’ve been THINKING a lot for a while about losing weight and getting fit again, but DOING very little about it.  It seems I needed something a bit out of the ordinary to help me find that catalyst to get going.  Well, I found my needed catalyst.  First was a realization that my unhealthy diet and lifestyle habits are setting the pace for my son, and I am not okay with that.  Second was an invitation from a friend at my office park to pay in $10 and join the Biggest Loser pool for the next three months.  Whoever takes off the highest percentage of body weight takes home the $100 purse.  I’m in!

While my blog is not going to become a weight loss / fitness forum, I do plan to share with you my progress, lessons learned, struggles, and challenges faced over the coming weeks and months.  I thought including this recent “before” picture on my site would be a fun, if painful, incentive for me to really get serious and bring down my weight from my 6′1″ official starting weight of 227.  Maybe I won’t have to find such a rotund photo partner to feel good in my forthcoming “after” shot!

With Hope and Contentment in HIM,

Dr. B

Tags: compasses, discipline, fitness, personal responsibility, respect, the journey

Colt McCoy – hats off to you, brother!  Folks, you’ve got to see this minute and a half interview!  For those who aren’t aware, Colt McCoy was a Heisman runner-up for the last two years, and one of the most outstanding quarterbacks ever to play college football.  His Texas Longhorns played an impressive undefeated season and clearly earned the number two spot to play against the Alabama Crimson Tide for the national championship last night.  In the very first series of Texas downs, he took a hard hit to the shoulder, which apparently caused some type of nerve injury that was significant enough to sideline him for the entire game.  This resulted in the freshman backup QB playing the entire game.  No one knows how the game would have gone had McCoy played, but the Longhorns lost to a fairly dominant Alabama team, despite an impressive rapid buildup of poise and confidence in Gilbert, the green QB sub.

Given all of that, listen to the humble, steadfast words of this incredibly talented young man of faith:

Tags: compasses, hope, leadership, manhood, respect, the journey

I just wanted to take a moment to officially inquire what topics you would like to see me address in the coming year?  Spiritual issues?  Self-Injury?  Teen help?  Marital recommendations?  More lessons from Disney World?

What have you gained from your time spent on my blog?  What difference does it make in your life?

What holes have you seen in my blog that you would like to see me fill this year?

Thanks for taking time to be a part of the HopeForYourFamily community!  As always, I love getting your comments and feedback, and welcome the discussion.  Also, thanks to all who have linked and helped me get a rating of 4 on the official blogometer thingy.  I don’t really understand the ins and outs, but apparently this means my site is a hit!

May you be blessed with growth, humility, strength, peace, faith, love, and courage in 2010!

With Hope in Him,

Dr. Butner

Tags: blogging, the journey

From Dr. Butner to you, I’m wishing you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas (or a Happy Festivus – take your pick)!

Tags: hope, movies, the journey