Sorry about the “S-word” in that video, but he just nailed this issue, so I’m sharing it.  This will be short and sweet…

I am “on” my iPhone too much.  Facebooking mostly.  But also texting, taking silly pictures, and just looking for stuff.  This needs to change.  I am missing out on life.  I am missing out on my wife.  This is ridiculous!  So, here’s the plan, at least as a starting point.

After 9pm, the iPhone goes to the charger and stays outta my hands.  And the one I’m really wrestling with is this one – Don’t get on Facebook unless I have taken the time to either write a meaningful blog post for the day or read something meaningful from a book for at least half an hour.  I don’t want to get legalistic about it.  Believe me – I know what an epic fail that path is for actually solving any kind of heart issues.  Been there, done that.  But I need structure, and this thing needs turning around.  My wife tells me I share too much on Facebook.  True.  Maybe this post is too much.  But I’m thinking some of you can relate and could use an encouragement and a helpful idea.  And you may start finding some helpful stuff on my website again soon.  : ]

#NeedFreedom

I have always loved this classic song by the Byrds, inspired by Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about stress, demands, busyness, self-discipline, entertainment, enjoyment of life and family and work and play, and the intersection of these things.  (Yes, there are always lots of wheels turning inside my noggin.  It’s like a funhouse in here – trust me!)  Today I find myself especially considering the role of electronic gadgetry in the midst of this swirling mix.  I got an i-Phone a couple months or so ago, primarily because there is an app for my online scheduling system, and I hoped it would improve my business efficiency.  Well, it has certainly done that.  My scheduling process has never been smoother for me or my clients!  In addition, I have found this little gizmo to be an immensely helpful tool in many ways – from helping me navigate trips to boosting my enjoyment of amateur photography to assisting me in organizing my overall schedule to providing a handy-dandy light to navigate the toy-infested waters of my son’s room for a late night kiss on his cheek before going to bed.  But the impact on my life doesn’t stop there.  Consider also…

Words With Friends and the Facebook app and just how easy it is now to text like a maniac.  With such powerful distractions just a slide and a tap, tap, tap away, it is easy for my attention, my mind, my spirit, and my life to get seriously out of balance.  Not good.  And I’m a 37 year old man with the Holy Spirit, years of walking with Christ and attempting to live in surrender to the Father’s will, and even a doctorate in studying the role of mass media in family life all to assist me in making wise choices.  Imagine the impact on the fourteen year olds!

And this is not to mention the place of the Wii, XBox, Playstation, laptop computer, internet itself, i-Pad, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc.  And I shudder to consider this new technology with its unprecedented implications.

My point is this.  As parents – as adults – we need to live in view of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.  You know, while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and live in view of all of chapter 3, and might as well throw in Romans 12 for good measure!  All very difficult to do when I am giving my best to an electronic idol.  Ouch, did I really just post that on my website?!!  Our kids need us to be sober-minded, well-balanced guides to show them how to live rightly and humbly before God.  How are we doing?

Really?

REALLY?!!

Alright, this one is going to kick some shins and draw some backlash, but that’s how I roll.  Before you rush out to pick out a cell phone for your pre-teen, ask your self a few simple questions:

1. How old were you when you got your first cell phone?  (Why is that such a ludicrous question?!!)

2. What kind of horrible places are you sending your kid where they really need this kind of instantaneous emergency access?

3. Why do you think they can’t easily find another way to contact you?

4. Have you taken time to REALLY PREPARE your child for the tons of new choices she or he will have to make with this technological marvel strapped to their hip?

5. What has your child done to prove his or her trustworthiness with this much tremendous responsibility?

6. Have you considered how much responsibility this is bestowing?  (texting, sexting, porn, Facebook, Twitter, forums, approximately 4.3 bazillion apps, etc)

7. Have you read this article yet?

8. Is your preteen really ready for this?  Are you?

And if you REALLY want to take some time to mull this over, put on a pot of coffee and check out this presentation by the wonderful Kaiser Family Foundation.

Just some food for thought…

Great article from today’s Greater Baton Rouge Business Report!

And if you want some practical tips on cutting down screen time in your household, check out this great website / organization.

(Thanks to WAFB Channel 9 for inviting me to share this message with their viewers!)

Click here to watch WAFB bullying interview with Dr. Butner

Q. Is bullying becoming a worse problem in our society today?  If so, why?

A. YES!  It is clearly becoming a growing epidemic among us.  I believe the most significant contributing factor is the growing number of communication channels available that allow us to send powerful messages immediately, without taking time to think through our emotion or impulse.  There are two reasons this has given rise to more bullying behavior.  First, such digital communication is viral.  One message sent can quickly be spread to mass numbers of people in ways that were unimaginable to us back when I was a teen in the 80s and early 90s.  Second, such communication channels give an illusion of safe distance where it becomes easy to think of the message simply as fun comments, and not as a direct assault on a real live person.  As we become increasing consumers of digital communication, we will continue to see a rise in bullying, particularly cyber-bullying.

Q. What can we do about this?

A. Parents, teachers, coaches, school administrators, pastors, scout leaders, and the like must commit to a no-tolerance stand against any type of bullying behavior.  In addition to physically aggressive behavior and threatening messages, this includes hurtful name-calling, manipulative pressure tactics, deliberate exclusion and ridicule, etc.  Children and youth need to learn from an early age that the adult leaders of their community are standing together against such foolishness, thoughtlessness, and cruelty.

A. Parents can contact your school administration to find out what is in place to monitor and respond to bullying.  Challenge your school to be proactive and effective in their approach.

A. Parents need to take time to clearly teach and coach our kids in respectful behavior toward others, including face to face, phone conversation, texting, and online formats.  Don’t assume your kids will do the right thing.  Train them to do the right thing!

A. We must watch our own words and actions carefully.  For example, what message are you sending your kids when you scream and cuss at players, coaches, and officials during a football game that isn’t playing out to your liking?  How do you treat other drivers during traffic?  What kind of snarky comments and “likes” are you posting on your own Facebook page?  Any time we use our words and actions to tear down others, we are essentially giving our kids permission to be bullies.

A. Teach victims to respond calmly, rather than reacting emotionally.  Emotional reactions typically “fuel the fire” of bullies, bringing on more of the unwanted behavior.

A. Help victims find genuine strength and self-worth in their abilities and your love.

Q. What are some signs that your child might be the victim of bullying?

A. Sudden lack of interest in social activities.

A. Sudden change in Facebook/MySpace activity (You ARE keeping an eye on your teen’s Facebook/MySpace activity, AREN’T YOU?!!)

A. Lashing out toward siblings, pets, property, etc.

For much more guidance, information, resources, etc, check out Bullying.org

Book Recommendation: “The Wounded Spirit” by Frank Peretti

- Homework is the student’s responsibility, NOT the parent’s!

- Parents CANNOT control kids’ choices (about homework or anything else).

- Parents CAN control consequences.

- Keep school performance expectations reasonable.

- Provide reasonable suffering to induce motivation.

- Canceling text messaging is a great motivator for teens!

Enjoy, be at peace, and be blessed.

Thanks to Walt Mueller and CPYU for providing the link to this very helpful parental control application for your teen’s iPhone.

This just in (Sept 15): Safe Eyes Mobile is also available as an excellent protection software for iPhones.

This is a very compelling public service announcement from the UK.  Yes, our teens need to see it.  But I do, too.  I have convinced my self at times that I am competent enough to do a bit of light texting while driving.  It’s time to stop.  I don’t want to TMSTD.

Text

My

Self

To

Death!

Or anyone else, for that matter.

The term “tween” was once a clever Tolkien linguistic creation that refered to the adolescent period from ages 20 – 32 in the life span of a hobbit.  It has taken on a much more popular usage in recent years, being applied to the period of “pre-adolescence” or pre-teen years from about 9 or 10  to 12.

Keep in mind that adolescence is a cultural construct, and not a biological or emotional dictate.  In other words, puberty is an inevitable part of normal human development, typically happening somewhere between the ages of 9 and 14.  But “adolescence” encompasses far more than that, and has grown in definition and cultural practice from its initial span of two or three years (ages 14-16 ish) to well over a decade (ages 12-25+).

And since you value my two cents enough to read my blog post today, I will tell you how I see this emerging cultural construct of “tweens.”  It seems to be a way to make it culturally acceptable, even cute, to market goods and services to children and to dress them up and put them in adult situations and pressures for which we have only barely equipped them, if at all.

For example, while I am glad to see this particular fashion trend seems to have waned, it didn’t strike me as the least bit cute to print big, bold words across the backside of short shorts and then market them to pre-teen girls.  How do you prepare your little girl for the fact that guys of all ages will now be looking at her rear because of the slogan stamped across it, whether out of innocent curiousity or marketing-induced sexual interest?

I’ll not go on with more examples, as I think this one fairly well represents my concern with the “Tween” phenomena.  Well, okay, one more quick one.  If you are looking at your 8 year old, and wondering when is the right time to buy him or her an i-phone, I recommend first asking at what age you got your first cell phone.  Then ask what fundamental change has occurred that has you thinking of buying an instant internet multi-media text-messaging portal for your youngster in the foreseeable future.  The group-force of culture can be very powerful and difficult to resist.  However, as parents we have the inherent responsibility to provide both the boundaries and the training that allow our children to be children, while equipping and preparing them to face life fully when they emerge into adulthood.

I appreciate the wisdom in the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  But it sure can be tough when a parent has to stand against the village so that the child can really be raised well.  God bless you, folks!