I have always loved this classic song by the Byrds, inspired by Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about stress, demands, busyness, self-discipline, entertainment, enjoyment of life and family and work and play, and the intersection of these things.  (Yes, there are always lots of wheels turning inside my noggin.  It’s like a funhouse in here – trust me!)  Today I find myself especially considering the role of electronic gadgetry in the midst of this swirling mix.  I got an i-Phone a couple months or so ago, primarily because there is an app for my online scheduling system, and I hoped it would improve my business efficiency.  Well, it has certainly done that.  My scheduling process has never been smoother for me or my clients!  In addition, I have found this little gizmo to be an immensely helpful tool in many ways – from helping me navigate trips to boosting my enjoyment of amateur photography to assisting me in organizing my overall schedule to providing a handy-dandy light to navigate the toy-infested waters of my son’s room for a late night kiss on his cheek before going to bed.  But the impact on my life doesn’t stop there.  Consider also…

Words With Friends and the Facebook app and just how easy it is now to text like a maniac.  With such powerful distractions just a slide and a tap, tap, tap away, it is easy for my attention, my mind, my spirit, and my life to get seriously out of balance.  Not good.  And I’m a 37 year old man with the Holy Spirit, years of walking with Christ and attempting to live in surrender to the Father’s will, and even a doctorate in studying the role of mass media in family life all to assist me in making wise choices.  Imagine the impact on the fourteen year olds!

And this is not to mention the place of the Wii, XBox, Playstation, laptop computer, internet itself, i-Pad, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc.  And I shudder to consider this new technology with its unprecedented implications.

My point is this.  As parents – as adults – we need to live in view of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.  You know, while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and live in view of all of chapter 3, and might as well throw in Romans 12 for good measure!  All very difficult to do when I am giving my best to an electronic idol.  Ouch, did I really just post that on my website?!!  Our kids need us to be sober-minded, well-balanced guides to show them how to live rightly and humbly before God.  How are we doing?

I was recently asked to contribute a recipe to a cookbook for an organization that encourages step-families to live well.  Now that we have gotten some hints of fall in the air (my prayers continue to go up for the drought to end for the great state of Texas, where this recipe first began its evolution), I thought this would be something appropriate and different to share on the blog…

I have heard Ron Deal’s comment that step-families shouldn’t be
blended, but slow-cooked. In that spirit, here is a recipe I have
developed over the years that is a wonderful celebration of this
concept. Different ingredients cooked low and slow to lend their
unique contributions to one delightful, house-warming creation. I have
found that the longer it sits, the better it gets, provided you don’t
interrupt the process too much by reacting with the impulse to “fix” it
along the way. So true for stepfamilies! Slow and steady is a far better
recipe than quick and reactive. And isn’t that true with so much of life.
I have included options for making it hotter. Experiment to find the
best alarm-level for your family’s taste.

When serving it to large
groups, I typically make a big pot (triple recipe) that I would consider a
good 2-3 alarm chili. I will also make a small pot (half recipe) of a 5+
alarm concoction (heavy on chili peppers, including the almighty
habanero) that will burn a hole through your belly if eaten straight. I
then invite my family and friends to use the bowl of fire as a mix-in to
heat up a big bowl of the standard chili to their liking.
And if you ever join my family at our table for a big bowl of fiesta chili,
don’t be surprised if it seems a bit different than what you’ve been
cooking. I promise I’m not holding out on you – I just never really cook
it the same way twice. ENJOY!!!

Fiesta Chili

*1 – 1 1/2 lb. ground beef or venison (browned)
*2 cans Ranch Style Beans (undrained) or Texas Style (hotter)
*1 can crushed tomatoes (undrained) or 1 can Rotel (hotter)
*1 medium yellow onion (chopped)
* 3 green onions (chopped)
*1 poblano pepper (finely chopped) (can sub a bell pepper if poblano
is unavailable)
* 1 serrano pepper (finely chopped)
* 3 cloves garlic (finely chopped) or 1 tsp. garlic powder
* 3 jalepenos (chopped) (hotter)
* 2 cups beef broth
* 1 Tbs. Tabasco Sauce (hotter)
* 1 Tbs. chili powder
* 1 tsp. paprika
* 1 tsp. cumin
* salt and pepper to taste

Brown the meat – in a cast iron pot, if you have one. As the meat is
almost browned, add all fresh chopped onions and peppers. When
meat, onions, and peppers are cooked (about 3 minutes or so), add all
remaining ingredients. I like to serve this chili over rice, so feel free to
stretch it with another cup or two of broth or water to feed another
person, if needed. Cook on stovetop at medium-low for 1-2 hours (the
longer the better), or in a crock-pot for as long as you can resist the
mouthwatering aroma.  After pouring over rice, and maybe adding some Fritos, top with fresh cilantro leaves to go all the way with your chili fiesta!

With Hope in Him and eagerness for fall weather,

Dr. Butner

Here are three key ways (there are certainly plenty more) to sweat with your kids to produce big results in your relationship and in their developing character.  If you live anywhere near my neck of the woods (South Louisiana), and you spend any time at all with your kids, you will be sweating with them.  But might as well do it with purpose.  PARENT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!  Right?

1. Get out there and join them in their fun!

Play in the yard.  Climb that treehouse (build it first, if necessary).  Ride that bike.  Throw that ball.  Try the disc golf park.  Practice that sport.  Play chase.  Sit and talk out in that special spot.  Play that weird, evolving game your kid is trying to teach you that seems to make no sense whatsoever.  Etc.  Joining our kids in their choice of fun outdoor activities helps to keep parents young at heart, and shows our kids that we are eager to be a part of their world and don’t insist on them always joining our world to spend time with us.

2. Invite your kids to assist you in your work or special projects.

Not all kids will jump at this chance, I know.  But many children (especially if you start when they are young!) are thrilled with the opportunity to be Mom’s or Dad’s right hand helper on a manual project.  It gives them such a sense of value and self-respect, as well as helping them learn valuable life skills, when we include them in that cleaning, building, planting, arranging, etc. project.

3. Serve someone together.

Find someone in your neighborhood, church, or school community who could really use some help with a special project or maintenance challenge that is beyond their capability.  Bring your kids and serve them as a family.  Your kids will learn the powerful spiritual and community value of blessing others (maybe you’ll learn it with them!).  Your relationship will be cemented in a fresh way by sharing the common bond of sweat equity together.

And don’t forget to have fun cooling off together when sweat time is over!

I’m not even sure where I’m going to go with this post, but I have to write about the experience. My family and I are currently making plans for another Disney World trip. Right now, the primary decisions to made involve rooms – which resort and what type of rooms. As my wife and I were discussing the possibilities, and taking input from our seven year old son, he offered an unexpected twist. We wanted to know if he was more interested in the amenities available at one site over another. He was thinking along another line…

“I know!  I can share a room with Dad, and you can stay with Nana and Memaw, Mom!”

“But I want to stay with my husband, you know.”

“Yes, son, I really look forward to staying with my wife on our vacation time.”

“But this way, you girls can chat about girl stuff, and me and Dad can chat about guy stuff.”

“Oh really!  What kind of stuff were you thinking of?”

“You know!  Mom, you and Nana and Memaw can chat about beautiful stuff.  Dad, you and me can chat about destructive stuff.”

The kid is only seven years old and already has the solid gender constructs that femininity is about beauty and relational celebration, and masculinity is about destruction and explosive power! And it’s funny how this has impacted me as I consider it.  I am very pleased to know he has a clear distinction in his mind about masculinity and femininity, and that he obviously identifies with me (a virtual paragon of masculinity).  And on a very immature, flesh level, it feels good to hear him pick me as his favorite parent.  Look – just keepin it real, okay!

But I want him to understand that true masculinity, at its very best, is FAR more than having the power to destroy.  I am reminded of the scene from “The Lion King” where King Mufasa is talking to his young son, Simba, about what it means to be king.  At one point, Simba cries out, “But don’t kings get their way all the time?!”  To which his father replies, “Simba!  There’s more to being king than getting your way all the time!”  “There’s MORE!” exclaims the eager, yet self-centered lad.  Then Mufasa begins to explain to him the “Great Circle of Life.”

I think my son has just opened up a golden opportunity for me to expound upon his understanding of manhood, and help him catch a vision for a much grander identity and purpose.  I need to tell him and show him how a Real Man uses his strength to bless, lead, encourage, fight, equip, defend, build, and ultimately surrender to God’s greater purposes.  As my buddy, Hans, would say – “Time to man up!”

These images represent joy.  They are snapshots of diligence and reward.  But most importantly, they are pictures of faith in action!

Yesterday, I took Shep on a fishing “trip” to the local YMCA catch and release pond, where I hoped to share a couple of hours or so of good father-son bonding.  I suppose my three goals were to: 1. enjoy time with my son, 2. face my fears of inadequacy and clumsiness at outdoorsy stuff, and 3. help my son gain some knowledge and skill in fishing, so he can do more of it and enjoy a good thing that was largely missing from my childhood.  As it turns out, God had a far more important goal for these two fellas: TO GROW OUR FAITH!

My first challenge was walking into the bait and tackle shop.  I felt totally intimidated and out of place; as though I had a neon sign over my head that said, “Look at clumsy idiot who is pretending to be a man, but knows nothing about the ways of the Louisiana Sportsman.”  But, praise God, I received the grace and courage to march right into that testosterone-land with my son, show him around the store while we waited for the clerk to get free, and then ask the Manly Man if they sold live bait.  (I had been told worms were a good choice for where we would be fishing, and I remembered crickets were supposed to be another good choice.)  He didn’t seem to pick up on my fear-scent, and very respectfully sent us to the nearby live bait shack, where I proceeded to buy five bucks worth of crickets and nightcrawlers.  So far, so good.  Thank you, God for helping me grow up some more as a man and lead my son.  Now, time to hit the fishing hole!

We parked the truck close to the pond, grabbed our gear, and found a nice spot on the bank where I thought the bass would enjoy dining on the lunch we were prepared to offer them.  For about the first five minutes, I worked with Shep on his casting skills.  I did a fairly good job of balancing showing, watching, coaching, helping, and remaining silent.  Not an easy balance for me – I don’t know about you.  After that, he spent another five or ten minutes enjoying showing off his new casting skills as we watched in anticipation for that red and white bobber to dive under the water.  Not even one nibble, despite the tantalizing splashing of fish here and there around the pond.  He then decided I could take over the fishing, while he set out to smooth a strip of grass from the top of the hill down to the bank where I stood – rolling and tumbling down over and over like…a seven year old boy.  Then, in about five minutes, came the comment I had been dreading…

“Dad, fishing is BORING!  Let’s go!”

The Holy Spirit then prompted me to suggest we pray for God to send us some fish.  I know.  I know.  Many a fishermen over the centuries has prayed for fish, only to come up empty handed.  Maybe I was asking for trouble.  I just knew I wasn’t ready to give up on our day, I believe turning to God for help in ANY situation is always the right thing to do, and I wanted to use this mundane life experience as another lesson to point him to our Father.  He asked me if God would really do something like that – send fish to us, just because we asked.  I told him that Jesus once told his friends where to catch a whole boatload of fish after they had been up all night with not one fish, so this was definitely something God had done before.  So he joined me in a simple prayer of thanking God for the beautiful day and asking Him to send us some fish.  I was TOTALLY unprepared for what happened next!  (Totally revealing my need to grow in my faith.)

Shep says, just as matter of fact as you please, “Dad, God is telling me we should go over to that dark water by the bridge.  He is telling me that’s where the fish are.”

I almost laughed, but instead said, “Well, son, I think we should listen to God and do what He says.  Lead the way!”  Shep marched along the bank toward the bridge.  “Okay, son, I think this is close enough.”  “No, Dad.  God said the fish are over THERE!” “Okay, son, let’s do it God’s way.”  We finally reached the spot, and I put another cricket on the hook for him.  At this point, I have to tell you, I never even considered the faith-disappointment it would have been for him if we encountered no fish after praying and obeying.  That didn’t matter.

He threw a perfect strike at the shadowy shallow in the lake where God had directed his young eyes and heart.  WHAMMO!!!  Down went the bobber in ten seconds!  “Go!  Go!  Go!  Go!  Go!,” I yelled in encouragement.  And the pictures above are tribute to the incredible gift of God that followed.  We caught over a dozen fish (well, some were repeats, but that’s cool) together, with Shep catching most of them.  And as amazing as the gift of fish was, it was a trifle in comparison to the gift of faith God gave us both.  Especially me.

God, lead me to the childlike faith of my son.  Teach me to not only talk to you about everything in life, but to LISTEN FOR YOUR LOVING GUIDANCE.  Forgive me of my unbelief and my pride of self-sufficiency and my foolish ways of trying to fit you in a tidy little box.  And thank you for the gift of my son.  The two of you amazed me yesterday.

Mark your calendars and pay your registration, because you won’t want to miss this opportunity in Baton Rouge!

On March 27-28, internationally recognized family expert and best-selling author, Dr. Kevin Leman, will be sharing three live seminars at Parkview Baptist Church.  Call the church office to register or for more information at 225-293-2820.

Sunday, March 27, 8:00 a.m. or 11:00 a.m.:

“The Deception of Perfection” (during worship services of Parkview Baptist Church)

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Sunday, March 27, 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.:

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Monday, March 28, 9:30-11:30 a.m.:

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Monday, March 28, 7:00-9:00 p.m.:

Sorry about the audio.  I’m still trying to figure out the best way to go from my DVR to computer/internet.  This was my first attempt with just a straight video recording of the TV.

Let’s start with two fundamental concepts on which I am building this blog post (and the interview I did on WAFB)…

1. Helping kids develop athletic skill and excellence is a good thing, and I believe it is generally a far better gift to them than just buying them more video games, toys, or other stuff.

2. Chances are slim that any of our children will ever be playing pro ball, and most of them will finish their athletic careers in high school.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s huddle up!

1. Rather than focusing too much on scores and W/L records, kids’ sports programs (read parents and coaches) should focus largely on experiencing teamwork, skill development, and character growth.

2. Rather than holding kids to adult expectations, coaches and parents should emphasize the process and victory of progress and growth.

3. Rather than dwelling on individual achievement, team sports should focus on teamwork and interactive encouragement.

4. Rather than consuming family lives and schedules in a stress-battering way, kids’ sports involvement should be a fun way to extend family character development.

5. Bottom line – kids’ sports programs should be a place to assist in the development of healthy, responsible, virtuous adults, and NOT an end unto themselves!

Certainly, the older kids are, and the more experienced the team, the more important it becomes to focus on skills and athleticism.  Granted.  But I still believe the above principles hold true, even throughout middle school and high school sports.

Finally, a couple of examples from my son’s seven year old coaches pitch baseball team.  I LOVED this little moment at their first practice!  At the post-practice huddle, Coach Brad asked the boys if they were doing well in school.  He then asked them specifically if any of them had gotten in trouble in the classroom that week.  Three of them confessed to having “their stars moved” once during the week (apparently, the discipline system used at the school where most of the boys attend).  Coach then proceeded to have the whole team (himself included) do three push ups to impress on them the importance of right behavior in the classroom and the fact that they are a team, on and off the field.  Hats off, Coach Brad!  Coach asked me to sub for him this Thursday, as he will be out of town.  While we are certainly going to be working on fundamental baseball skills, the theme for practice will be Respect.  Showing respect for self by not hanging your head if you make a mistake, respect for coaches (and officials) by obeying and following instructions, respect for teammates by giving your best every play, encouraging them, and being “heads up” between plays, and respect for opposing players by being encouraging rather than ugly.

Play Ball!

- Coach Roger