Ever get into a funky place where you seem restless, irritable, and discontent?

Well, I do.  Sometimes for long stretches, I am sad to say.  And I have found that when I get into one of these grouchy seasons, there is one question that lurks at the heart of the murkiness.  It is a terrible question.  A question that drives me, when I let it.  “What is the Matrix?”  No, that’s not it!  Here it is…

“What do I FEEL LIKE DOING right now?”

Sooner or later, living by this question day after day drives me into the ditch.  It is a lame question for any of us to follow, particularly someone with an “addictive personality” like me.  But we all have a sin nature that calls out in various fleshly ways, convincing us that this question is actually a very reasonable approach to life.

It is not.

Far better to guide my actions from day to day with questions such as these…

“What would be good for me to do now?”

“What is God’s will for me today (as best I can tell)?”

“How can I bless someone else?”

And the irony of it is this: When I pursue those things that I feel like doing, I am rarely, if ever contented by them.  But when I am willing to pursue those things that God would have me do to bless others, I find within my self a growing sense of contentment and joy that I am simply not capable of contriving on my own.

Have a great day – bless someone else by doing God’s will!

This was my most physically fit point of last year.  I don’t have an updated Wii Fit screen shot to show you today, but it is in the neighborhood of 240 (Don’t even start me on what happens to my Mii when I get on the balance board!).  Here is a brief account and analysis of what happened with my physical fitness last year…

I decided some time in late December that it was time to surrender my appetite fully to God.  I knew this would be the most important foundation to any approach I took to improving my physical fitness.  I still believe this to be true.  In December/January, I began a two part (“Eat Less, Move More”) process to weight loss that burned off nearly 40 lbs in 4 months.  I began eating homemade fruit smoothies as meal and snack replacements, and I began working out for an hour a day (sometimes twice a day) on our elliptical machine at home.  I’m sure there were some other nuances, but that is the core of what I did.  It worked, but it was too extreme to be sustainable for me.  And so it didn’t stick.

Three things happened at the same time that interrupted my rhythm, and because my rhythm was so hard core, I have never regained it.  1. I got a plantar wart.  Very painful.  Not fun.  Incredibly disruptive to my workout rhythm.  2. I started P90-X, thinking I would have a workout partner, but without being sure our schedules would really line up.  Given my personality, the elliptical machine makes for a great solitary workout.  P90-X makes for a great workout buddy exercise.  This further interrupted my flow.  3. I did the “Plyometrics” workout on P90-X and gave it everything I had.  I could barely walk for the next three days.  Literally.  I was in agony.  The culmination of these three dynamics was more than my workout rhythm could overcome.

I have found that exercising regularly and eating a healthier diet go hand in hand.  They just do.  At least for me.  If I do one in earnest, I am likely to do the other.  And reap the physical (emotional, relational, and spiritual) benefits.  If I let one go, I am likely to stop doing the other.  And reap the physical (emotional, relational, and spiritual) consequences.  Given all of this, here is my plan for the foreseeable future…

• Do a moderate workout (20-40) minutes three times a week.
• Drink more water, and less soft drinks.
• Eat more vegetables, and less salty stuff (the latter category covers a host of dietary nightmares)
• Have a smoothie when I’m really hankering for a snack.
• Have some fruit when I’m really hankering for dessert.

Rather than aiming to lose X number of pounds in the next few months, I am aiming for being under 200 pounds in three years and five years and ten years.  I am going for moderate, consistent, and sustainable.  Here goes…

p.s. – I will also probably have smoothies sometimes for breakfast and/or lunch, but not as a rigid rule.  Also, if you are wondering how I make my smoothies, here goes.  I have a smoothie blender that makes basically one large (XL maybe?) smoothie.  Don’t remember the name.  Don’t know the volume.  Oh well.  I put a fresh banana in first, then top that with Dole frozen mixed fruit until it is almost to the top.  I usually sprinkle in some ground flax seed.  Then I fill it up with unsweetened almond milk and sweetened coconut milk.  Blend that sucker up and I’m good to geaux!

Sorry about the “S-word” in that video, but he just nailed this issue, so I’m sharing it.  This will be short and sweet…

I am “on” my iPhone too much.  Facebooking mostly.  But also texting, taking silly pictures, and just looking for stuff.  This needs to change.  I am missing out on life.  I am missing out on my wife.  This is ridiculous!  So, here’s the plan, at least as a starting point.

After 9pm, the iPhone goes to the charger and stays outta my hands.  And the one I’m really wrestling with is this one – Don’t get on Facebook unless I have taken the time to either write a meaningful blog post for the day or read something meaningful from a book for at least half an hour.  I don’t want to get legalistic about it.  Believe me – I know what an epic fail that path is for actually solving any kind of heart issues.  Been there, done that.  But I need structure, and this thing needs turning around.  My wife tells me I share too much on Facebook.  True.  Maybe this post is too much.  But I’m thinking some of you can relate and could use an encouragement and a helpful idea.  And you may start finding some helpful stuff on my website again soon.  : ]

#NeedFreedom

Mark your calendars and pay your registration, because you won’t want to miss this opportunity in Baton Rouge!

On March 27-28, internationally recognized family expert and best-selling author, Dr. Kevin Leman, will be sharing three live seminars at Parkview Baptist Church.  Call the church office to register or for more information at 225-293-2820.

Sunday, March 27, 8:00 a.m. or 11:00 a.m.:

“The Deception of Perfection” (during worship services of Parkview Baptist Church)

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Sunday, March 27, 6:00 – 8:00 p.m.:

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Monday, March 28, 9:30-11:30 a.m.:

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Monday, March 28, 7:00-9:00 p.m.:

ScreamFree Marriage

Calming Down, Growing Up
and Getting Closer

By Hal Edward Runkel
with Jenny Runkel

Now Available Nationwide!

Order An Autographed Copy Now - Help Your Marriage and Help Us Reach Others!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I just discovered these great resources today from Ron Deal and Successful Stepfamilies.  While I have not read them yet, I have read Ron’s first book, The Smart Stepfamily, and it is fantastic.  I have also had the pleasure of hearing him present a message live at a conference, as well as sharing a conversation with him over a meal afterward.  He was the real deal then, and he seems to be growing in his wisdom and effectiveness in blessing and guiding stepfamilies over the years as God continues to guide his steps.  If you need guidance through the rough waters of stepfamily and remarriage life, listen to Ron.  He has something worth hearing.

Men, are you looking to be a better husband?  Improve your marriage?  Improve your wife’s view of you?  Here is a practical tip with huge spiritually transformational power.  Print out the following scriptures on a sheet of paper, laminate it, and put it somewhere you will see every day.  Pick it up daily, pray for God to shape you through His Word, slowly read these verses, and look at your life in this mirror:

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”  – Ephesians 5:25-27

• “All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”  – Song of Solomon 4:7

• “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  – Matthew 5:27-28

• “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  – Philippians 2:1-11

• “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

• “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”  – James 1:19-20

• “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”  – Philippians 2:14

• “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  – Ephesians 4:29
  

Ready for a truly life-changing experience?

Tired of feeling like you aren’t what you should be?

Just need to make some real friendships with some real guys?

Want to make your marriage the best it can be?

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Want to learn how to be the best man you can be from some guys who have earned the right to teach us?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you really need to check out MEN’S FRATERNITY!!!  Click here or on the Men’s Frat tab above for all the details and registration information.

And for guys in the Baton Rouge area, come be a part of “REFUEL” Men’s Conference at the Church of the Highlands on Saturday, August 14.  Click here for details and registration information.

My bride, Chemaine, and I celebrate 14 years of matrimonial journey together today.  So far, it has been an adventure infused with joy, laughter, pain, frustration, delight, growth, healing, seeking, praying, forgiving, encouraging, reacting, responding, play, work, and so much more.  Thank you for sharing your life with me, Darlin!  I am enjoying today, and looking forward to tomorrow, hopefully having grown from yesterday.

As I reflect on my years of marriage, it seems fitting to pass along to you some of the lessons I have learned, in no particular order.  Feel free to post comments in response, or with your own lessons learned.

1. Friendship is a key ingredient to a thriving marriage.
2. Apologizing clearly, sincerely, and quickly (once you can genuinely cover the first two points well) is a powerful lubricant to the marital engine.
3. Life is better when I am praying regularly for my wife’s blessings.
4. When I am feeling discontented, frustrated, or angry, serving my wife is always good medicine for both of us.
5. Playtime shouldn’t be reserved just for the kids.
6. Getting stuck on a sandbar on a cruise to Cozumel, and catching the redeye flight home via expedited Mexican customs is a great way to make lifetime memories.
7. Hanging out in the cruise ship karaoke bar with no other agenda than relaxing together, dancing a bit, and enjoying a few moments in the glorious spotlight of karaoke fame is another.
8. If I had fully understood the challenges of “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh” before I got married, I might not have taken the plunge.
9. I’m really glad I took the plunge.
10. Marriage is MUCH better when I am willing to humbly seek the guidance of others whose lives and marriages I respect.
11. If I live in such a way that others know my marriage is my highest relationship priority, I won’t need to convince my wife.  She will already know it.
12. I do well to regularly read Philippians 2:1-11 and James 1:19-20
13. Watching “Everybody Loves Raymond” together is always time well spent.
14. Sex is not nearly as big a part of marriage as I thought it would be.
15. Sex is a far greater part of marriage than I imagined.
16. Sex can be complicated, mysterious, and mystifying.  Of course, both marriage and life in general can be complicated, mysterious, and mystifying.
17. Learning to speak my wife’s “love language” well is good for both of us.
18. Love languages are not necessarily static.  They can change over time.
19. Periodically reading good books together is time well spent.
20. The Holy Spirit’s voice sometimes sounds remarkably like Chemaine’s.
21. Taking regular retreats together to fine-tune, rest, listen, and grow are essential to my marriage.
22. The Parish Hermitage is the best place for us to retreat.
23. If I am smiling and genuinely present with my wife on the phone, she feels it clearly on her end.
24. If I am distracted or rolling my eyes with my wife on the phone, she feels it clearly on her end.
25. I am a FAR better man for my wife’s impact on my life!
26. If I am not sure what to say to my wife, “Let’s go to Izzo’s (Illegal Burrito)!” is always a good option.
27. Learning what delights my wife, and then bringing that delight to her, is one of my favorite treasures to experience.

With Hope in Him, and delight in her,

Roger