HopeForYourFamily » freedom

Stress Less

Roger Butner — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 19:14:08 +0000

Here are a few tips for living with reasonable freedom from the bondage of stress. Most of these I have learned the hard way. Some of them I have experienced the hard way, but have not yet learned:

Seek God every day.
Surrender to God every day.
Ask for help when you need it.
Graciously accept the help you are offered.
Slow down.
Work hard to finish the tasks you start.
Make rest an important priority.
Prayerfully consider your list of current commitments before adding to the list.
Learn to embrace, respect, and celebrate your limitations.
Say “Thank you” often.
Drink plenty of water.
Stick with a sensible exercise routine.
Let go of the need to be right.
Hunger and thirst for righteousness.
Don’t forget to play and pray every day!

What would you add from your experiences?

It’s just air…right?

Roger Butner — Fri, 28 May 2010 21:24:29 +0000

I work with teens and their families on a regular basis. As you can imagine, the issue of various forms of drug abuse and other addictions is a common topic in my office. Parents have various levels of awareness of the presence and threat of drugs such as alcohol, marijuana, amphetamine, meth, crack, and the like. However, one popular and potentially deadly drug is one that few parents have on their radar, and can be easily accessible and extremely difficult to detect in the system. I just watched a special episode of A & E’s “Intervention” (one of the finest shows on television!) about “huffing”/”dusting” and I saw the story about the following family. I will let this father share his story with you in his own words. Perhaps you have read this in an email forward. Somehow, hearing the man and his family tell their story on “Intervention” made it really come to life for me. While this teen died from inhaling computer duster, others are threatening their lives with various other chemical inhalants from gasoline fumes to household cleaners. I realize this post may annoy some folks who don’t want to read “email forwards” on a professional blog. That’s fine – I don’t really care. If this post saves one life, it will have been worth the annoyance to others. Here is Kyle’s story, as told by his father, Jeff:

A MUST read if you are a parent or work with children

First IM going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn’t allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs. I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they wont.

I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my 2 sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them. On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn’t have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer.

On March 1st I left for work at 10 PM. At 11 PM my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 530 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was sitting up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up. He didn’t move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead.

I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 Am.

I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It’s called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn’t hurt you. Its just compressed air. It cant hurt you. His best friend said no.

Kyle’s Death

Kyle was wrong. It’s not just compresses air. It also contains a propellant I think its R2. Its a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas. Heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out. That’s why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It cant hurt you. IT KILLS YOU. The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It’s not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. ITS NOT AN OVERDOSE. Its Russian roulette. You don’t die later. Or not feel good and say I’ve had too much. You usually die as your breathing it in. If not you die within 2 seconds of finishing “the hit.” That’s why the straw was still in Kyle’s mouth when he died. Why his eye’s were still open.

The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don’t believe its huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn’t fit here. And that’s why its more accepted. There is no chemical reaction. no strong odour. It doesn’t follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known.

Its easy to say hay, its my life and I’ll do what I want. But it isn’t. Others are always effected. This has forever changed our family’s life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I cant describe it. There’s nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don’t ever cry. I do what I’m supposed to do but I don’t really care. My kids are messed up. One won’t talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I cant even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them.

After Kyle died another story came out. A Probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they don’t have a drug problem there. They don’t even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this “new” way of getting high they found, they hid it. The probation officer told the media after Kyle’s death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn’t have been in my house.

We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs.

Using Dust Off isn’t new and some “professionals” do know about. It just isn’t talked about much, except by the kids. They know about it.

April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I cant help but wonder If I died and went to Hell.

Jeff

Insight to “Nice Guys” and Porn

Roger Butner — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:03:14 +0000

I just read this post today by my blogging buddy, Lantz Howard, and I thought it was well worth sharing. Great stuff, Lantz!

Strongholds to FREEDOM!

Roger Butner — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 18:59:17 +0000

This may be the best thing I’ve ever seen on a screen! Yes, 8:46 is an eternity by today’s standards. But today’s standards don’t seem to be very eternal, do they? Watch it, for your sake – or for the sake of someone else who needs you to watch it.

Scheduling Update!

Roger Butner — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 15:34:05 +0000

I am rebooting the start date for the upcoming group I will be leading here in Baton Rouge. I hate that there is such a need for this kind of group, but I have learned that the ugliness of reality is better faced than avoided. I am doing what I can to face this particular painful reality and equip teens and their families with tools to overcome it in their lives. Please do what you can to support this group by praying for us and sharing the word as you have opportunity.

Alternatives to Cutting for Teens (A.C.T.)

A psycho-educational group for male and female teens who want to stop self-injuring.

NEW START DATE! June 1, 2010

7:00-8:30 pm on Tuesday evenings

Group runs for 10 weeks (through August 3)

- Space is limited to 12 participants -

$50/session or prepay total for $450

Murphy Toerner and Associates

C-K Office Park

Conference Room A (front building)

17170 Perkins Rd

Baton Rouge, LA 70810

Pre-registration is required to ensure participation.

Contact Dr. Butner for registration or further information (225-333-1582 or Roger@hopeforyourfamily.com )

- Ask about the 5-week group for parents! -

Alternatives to Cutting for Teens (A.C.T.) Group

Roger Butner — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 21:54:45 +0000

Click here to download the pdf of the flier to pass along to someone who may benefit from our group.

More Lenten Lessons

Roger Butner — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 19:02:45 +0000

Moving right along…

4. Relinquishing our attachments to God and His will is tremendously freeing! I hope I will never forget the moment in my truck as I neared the Hammond exit several weeks ago. I had spent about 3o minutes of my weekly Thursday commute in conscience contact with God, praying for His will and thanking Him for the blessings in my life. As I talked with Him about the whole attachment to Facebook issue, I so clearly sensed He was asking me, “Are you willing to give it up forever, if it is My will?” It was a couple of minutes before I could sincerely answer. Finally, a weak, fearful, but surrendered reply emerged from my heart and my lips. “Yes, Lord. If it is your will for me to let go of anything forever, I know it must be what is best for me. Yes, if you want me to never return to Facebook, I will surrender to your will.” The peace that came with that surrender was amazing. It truly defies description. The best I can say is that my spirit felt suddenly right and in line with God. And it was VERY good.

5. I must continually seek God’s heart and voice and will if I am to have any hope of living the Jesus Way. I may have a powerful breakthrough in my spiritual walk with Christ today, but if I do not continue listening to the Holy Spirit’s voice on a daily basis, I will likely become attached to my experience of God more than I am surrendered to the will of God. I am gratefully and delightfully coming to appreciate this difference more all the time. Specifically, my experience with God near the I-12 Hammond exit left me believing He had told me to walk away from Facebook forever. Perhaps He will do so one day, and I hope I remain as willing to obey. But as I have continued to prayerfully listen, I have realized He was simply checking my spirit to see if I was/am willing to make that sacrifice. Since then, I believe I have heard His challenge to take an even more difficult road – continue using this powerful medium, but use it His way rather than my way.

And again, I find my time window has closed. More soon.

To be continued…

Matthew 6:16 – Reflections on a Facebook Fast

Roger Butner — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 16:27:13 +0000

Jesus instructs us in Matthew 6:16-18, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

It occurred to me just a few days after I had begun my Lenten Facebook fast that I had blatantly and totally missed the mark on this teaching from my Master. For those of you who are not Facebook “friends,” the above picture is the one I posted for my profile pic the day before I announced my FB fast to the entire FB universe, which meant this is the picture that represented me throughout the fast. I even commented that this picture represented how I felt about the whole thing. This has really been a painful reminder to me today of how immature I really am, and how much I need to grow in Christlikeness.

Given this inauspicious beginning and the fact that I have already announced the whole thing throughout cyberspace, here are a few reflections gained from the past few weeks that you might as well benefit from, as well:

1. Apparently the “official rules” of Lenten fasting include some kind of Sunday loophole for the duration. My Catholic friends insist this is legitimate and purposeful. Maybe that works for many folks, and I am in no place to call them or the Church of Rome into question on this issue. However, I knew how God had moved in my spirit regarding this FB issue, and this was no season for periodic indulgences. There are certainly other areas and seasons in my life where I have taken indulgences of various kinds, but it was clear to me this was not the time to do so.

2. While my resolve to avoid sanctioned indulgences on Sundays held strong throughout Lent, my wayward sinful heart found other ways to indulge. Namely, by going on frequent carb-binges in the kitchen at night. I’ll get to the update on my “Biggest Loser” experience soon enough. Suffice it to say, abstaining from Facebook was not good for my waistline. This serves as a painful eye-opener of deeper spiritual struggles at play.

3. Man, I had been spending WAY too much time on FB! I was amazed how much time I got back when I stopped giving it away to FB. I spent more time reading God’s Word, talking with my wife, playing with our son, praying, and practicing my guitar, along with getting more work done at the office.

And now, I see it is time for me to move on to something else. More reflections are on the way in the next day or so.

To be continued…

Lent Revelations

Roger Butner — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:11:10 +0000

Step One: We admitted we were powerless…

Okay, God – you tell me what to do with Facebook.

Roger

Holiday Help – Alcohol & Drugs

Roger Butner — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:19:49 +0000

I am very aware that this time of year is often particularly difficult for those caught in the merciless grip of alcholism or drug addiction. Numbing out to escape the holiday time realities is a common experience for many, but especially for the addict or alcoholic.

If you, or someone you love, seem to be struggling with alcoholism, I would urge you to take a little time here – where you can find the answers to many common questions regarding alcoholism, find the keys to the solution that has worked for countless alcoholics, and even find a place near your home where you can talk with someone directly and personally about your struggles and their hope.

If you, or someone you love, seem to be struggling with addiction to any type of drugs, I would urge you to take a little time here – where you can find the answers to many common questions regarding addiction, find the keys to the solution that has worked for countless addicts, and even find a place near your home where you can talk with someone directly and personally about your struggles and their hope.

Certainly, many treatment centers are available around the world that offer a varying range of care and resources, but the sites I have listed provide access to the most accessible, inexpensive, and universal programs of alcoholism/addiction recovery that have touched the most lives with hope and direction around planet Earth.

And may God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

With Hope in Him,

Dr. Butner