Feb 26 2010
Lent Revelations
Step One: We admitted we were powerless…
Okay, God – you tell me what to do with Facebook.
Roger
Tag Archive 'freedom'
Nov 24 2009
Holiday Help – Alcohol & Drugs
I am very aware that this time of year is often particularly difficult for those caught in the merciless grip of alcholism or drug addiction. Numbing out to escape the holiday time realities is a common experience for many, but especially for the addict or alcoholic.
If you, or someone you love, seem to be struggling with alcoholism, I would urge you to take a little time here – where you can find the answers to many common questions regarding alcoholism, find the keys to the solution that has worked for countless alcoholics, and even find a place near your home where you can talk with someone directly and personally about your struggles and their hope.
If you, or someone you love, seem to be struggling with addiction to any type of drugs, I would urge you to take a little time here – where you can find the answers to many common questions regarding addiction, find the keys to the solution that has worked for countless addicts, and even find a place near your home where you can talk with someone directly and personally about your struggles and their hope.
Certainly, many treatment centers are available around the world that offer a varying range of care and resources, but the sites I have listed provide access to the most accessible, inexpensive, and universal programs of alcoholism/addiction recovery that have touched the most lives with hope and direction around planet Earth.
And may God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
With Hope in Him,
Dr. Butner
Sep 23 2009
Help with the Homework Battle
Here is a link to WAFB’s video archive of my latest Parenting 101 interview, where I simultaneously share some practical wisdom about how to put the responsibility for homework back in your child’s court and drive the sound-guy crazy with my drumming on the table. Ah, life is fun! By the way, one of the graphics they showed on-screen had a significant typo. Here are the key points I brought to the interview:
- Homework is the student’s responsibility, NOT the parent’s!
- Parents CANNOT control kids’ choices (about homework or anything else).
- Parents CAN control consequences.
- Keep school performance expectations reasonable.
- Provide reasonable suffering to induce motivation.
- Canceling text messaging is a great motivator for teens!
Enjoy, be at peace, and be blessed.
Sep 17 2009
Swamped with Blessings
Normally, I really hate feeling swamped. That feeling when I seem to be so behind and scrambling to catch up, certain that it won’t really happen and someone is going to end up very frustrated or disappointed with me. I hate that feeling! Ironically, one of my favorite things to do when I really feel swamped is take a mini-retreat to the Bluebonnet Swamp. Well, okay, sometimes it isn’t so much a mini-retreat as just escaping or avoiding the pressures I feel.
But that isn’t what I’m posting about today. Whew!
As of today, I am officially feeling swamped with blessings. And since I have this virtual platform, I thought I would share my little ray of sunshine with you. My counseling practice is growing, giving me the opportunity to provide for my family, while helping struggling people in the process. For a couple years or so now, I have been a part of a wonderful church and a wonderful fellowhip where I am increasingly finding freedom, joy, contentment, and purpose. I am beginning my second year of participation in Men’s Fraternity, which has blessed my life immeasurably, along with an even bigger group of guys than last year. I am increasingly having opportunities to share seminars with various groups, which I really love, also allowing me to provide for my family while helping and encouraging others. I am getting my virtual classroom set up for my first semester as an online adjunct professor with Liberty University, with my course beginning on Monday. My relationship with my wife has emerged from the doldrums we endured some months ago, and we are very much enjoying our friendship, partnership, and service in the Kingdom together. I am about to begin offering my counseling services one day a week in the nearby community of Hammond, which is also exciting. Let’s see – what am I missing? I am making new, deeply meaningful friendships lately. The wonders of online social networking technologies of various kinds have increasingly afforded me the opportunity to encourage and respond to people in places all around the globe. God has called me out to join the fight against human trafficking, and I still have no idea what that is going to mean for me, but I believe it will be profoundly meaningful. Have I mentioned lately how much fun and challenge it is being a parent?
So, as you can see – I’m swamped with blessings. I much prefer it to being swamped with pressure and stress. And I may just take my self to the Bluebonnet Swamp anyway!
Blessings to you.
Sep 09 2009
Duped!
I am increasingly realizing that I have been terribly duped for much of my life. My flesh has conspired with the American culture of hedonism to raise me on a steady diet of the consideration, “What do I feel like doing?” Some regular variations include, “What would make me more comfortable?” “What would make me happy?” and “What is easiest?” Let’s face it, a great deal of the advertising that bombards us on a daily basis is built on these kinds of questions.
And it usually starts very early. As a parent, I have a tremendous responsibility to train my child in the reality that being led by these flesh-directed considerations will not bring him to fulfillment, joy, and freedom. No small task, when the millions of mighty voices of our worldly culture are chanting in unison, “Have it your way!”
I am sick of being duped by this insidious lie that my flesh will lead me to contentment. It never has, and it never will. God, have mercy on me. Lord, free me from this self-imposed slavery. Spirit, lead me in the paths of righteousness.
And so – last night I decided to defy this old way of life. I checked my schedule for the coming day, and realized I didn’t have to be in the office until late in the day. “Yes! A perfect morning for sleeping in!!! My wife will head to school for the day with our son, leaving me to enjoy the peaceful slumber of an empty house. Beautiful!” Thus spoke the old familiar voice of Comfort. And then another voice spoke within me. A voice more removed, and yet, somehow more intimate. “You don’t need more sleep. Your son does need more time with you, though. And, haven’t you been seeking to cultivate a life of greater discipline?”
Okay, Lord, you guide my steps. And, so I said, “Hey son. How about if I drive you to school tomorrow? Would that be cool?” So this morning, I got up “early,” led my son through his morning tasks, and drove him to school. And not that there is always an immediate, tangible reward for following the voice of God rather than the voice of Comfort, but today there was. As we sat in the car line, waiting for his teacher to bring him to his classroom, we discovered he had his first loose tooth. It was a wonderful moment of growth and mystery and creation and relationship. A moment I would have missed if my lazy bum had been lying in bed, slumbering to the soothing melodies of Comfort.
Aug 23 2009
Hell
What is your concept of Hell? An eternal fiery inferno. Being in the grotesque presence of Satan forever. Complete separation from God for all time. There are several common Biblical and not-so Biblical concepts and descriptions of Hell.
How about this one?
You are a child who wanders across the wrong path one day and you are violently abducted and transported to some other part of the world where you begin a new “life” of being drugged, beaten, and daily forced to endure sexual assault by wealthy, flesh-hungry men up to 20, 30, 40 or more times a day, and are given only enough food, shelter, and rest to keep you alive enough to keep the customers happy. And if you don’t keep the customers happy, you will be denied even those essentials for a few days, just to teach you that you no longer have the human right to choose anything other than surrender to the will of the money-wielding monster who longs to take you, break you, and discard you for a few moments of twisted pleasure.
DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY.
Sounds like Hell to me!
And human trafficking is happening in shocking numbers every day.
All around the world.
Including in various forms throughout the United States – “The land of the free and the home of the brave.”
In Louisiana.
I don’t yet know how God is going to use me in this fight, but I am answering His call. I will not stand on the sidelines, knowing innocent lives are being ravaged by demons in the flesh. I have to fight back. I am praying God will show me where He can best use my gifts to bring hope, healing, freedom, and justice in response to this unspeakable atrocity.
Here are some of the organizations I am prayerfully investigating:
http://ccatcoalition.web.aplus.net/
www.tradethemovie.com/get_involved.html
Is God calling you to join the fight against Hell on earth?
Aug 06 2009
Expectations
Life is hard. I have to work when I don’t feel like it. Things don’t always go the way I want. Crisis comes with pain and devastation. Sometimes I do the right things and still do not see a reward for my efforts. I don’t get to make many of the rules in life. Others have authority over me. In order to get what I want, someone (me, or someone on my behalf) has to be able and willing to pay for it. When I do something wrong, there are painful consequences to one degree or another.
You get the point – I’ll not extend the list of unpleasant life-truths. But here is the real point. These unpleasant truths are not the problem. The problem is when I try to live as though they aren’t the truth of the matter. I mean, let’s face it, my sinful nature (flesh, immature self, ego, etc.) would rather life go according to this alternate reality of expectations:
Life is easy. I don’t have to work when I don’t feel like it. Things will always go the way I want. The pain and devastation of crisis will never come to my life. I will always see a reward for my efforts, whether I do the right thing or not. I get to make all the rules in life my way. I don’t have to submit to any authority but me. In order to get what I want, all I have to do is want it and it is mine for the taking. I should be able to have a free pass every time I do something wrong.
The problems of living according to this flesh-directed set of expectations are too many to count. Irresponsibility, addiction, terrible relationships, crime, and misery would be somewhere around the top of the list, based on what I have seen. If you find your self living more according to the second “compass” than the first “compass,” it’s time reset your bearings and get plugged into Truth on a regular basis. I would highly recommend plugging into God’s Word from the Bible, worship and fellowship at a healthy church, small groups and meaningful relationships with others who are plugged into the Truth, Men’s Fraternity for men, and even active participation in support or recovery groups for those with particular addiction struggles.
But mostly, I share this as a challenge to parents. Take some time to look at the reality of your children’s lives as lived out in your family/home experience. Are you helping them to live in view of the first compass of Reality, training them to live well in this fallen world? Or are you actually leading them toward the second compass of the self-centered flesh expectations that have become so prevalent in Western culture?
In my work with adolescents and with addicts, I constantly see this skewed compass of flesh at the heart of the problems that have surfaced in their lives. As parents, we have the privilege and the responsibility to train our children to live in view of Reality. It may feel good now, for them and for us, to deny or minimize that reality by serving up life on an easy silver platter for them. But we do them a terrible disservice, and we invite deep trouble and misery into their lives and ours in the process.
I am by no means a “doom and gloom” kind of guy. Those of you who know me can certainly testify to this. But it is critical that I commit each day to living in view of the Reality of this fallen world, and that means embracing the unpleasant, difficult, and seemingly harsh truths that make up a significant portion of the fabric of life. And so I share this today as a reminder for you, for me as a parent, and for my own life. Let us live in the freedom of Truth!
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-5:10 NIV)
Jul 09 2009
Your Choice
Ever have a day where you felt terrible? A week? A month?
What do you do when you feel sick, afraid, angry, anxious, resentful, ashamed, envious, or some other variety of less than ideal? Really. Think about it for a minute. What do you do when you feel bad?
Where do you focus your mind? What do you tell your self? What do you tell others? How do you treat others? How do you treat your self? Do you lash out? Lash in? Pray? Gripe? Stew in your own juices? Stew in alcohol? Talk with a trusted friend? Take action to make a positive difference? Listen to “screamo” music? Go for a walk? For for a road-rage drive? Help someone else? Call your therapist? Spend money? Practice breathing?
Having unpleasant emotional experiences is a guaranteed part of the human condition. Frequently, things will not go the way we want, and we will feel bad as a result. We can’t stop it. We can’t control it. If you have found a way to successfully refute what I’m saying here, please let me know. My clients and I could really use your secret!
In my experience, there are two main things we can do to make a positive difference in the face of unpleasantness. First, accept that this is simply part of life and that God is still in charge with His loving will. And then, we can choose to respond in a way that makes life better, rather than worse. Toward that end, here is a prayer many have found to be helpful:
- Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
- where there is hatred, let me sow love;
- where there is injury, pardon;
- where there is doubt, faith;
- where there is despair, hope;
- where there is darkness, light;
- and where there is sadness, joy.
- O Divine Master,
- grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
- to be understood, as to understand;
- to be loved, as to love;
- for it is in giving that we receive,
- it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
- and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
- Amen.
So, you find your self facing something troubling or unpleasant or difficult today? Okay, now what? It’s your choices that will define you and your life. What will you choose? Will that make life better or worse? I sincerely hope you will choose attitudes and actions that will make life better for you. And the truth is, when you make choices that genuinely make your life better, you make life better for everyone. Well, looks like it’s time for me to head home. I really FEEL like hitting the La-Z-Boy and being a vegetable for the evening. Hmmm…What to do?
Jul 03 2009
Let Freedom Ring!
FREEDOM.
What does it mean to you?
What does it cost?
What makes it valuable?
Is it valuable to you?
What price are you willing to pay for freedom?
What are you teaching your kids about freedom, its value and its price?
Are you living in freedom?
Today I seem to have more questions than answers. Sometimes asking questions is more valuable than giving answers. I would love to hear your questions and your answers. What’s on your mind?
Jun 24 2009
Get Happy!
A friend shared this video with me, and I am so glad to have this forum to share it with you.
Dr. Roger D. Butner