Ever get into a funky place where you seem restless, irritable, and discontent?

Well, I do.  Sometimes for long stretches, I am sad to say.  And I have found that when I get into one of these grouchy seasons, there is one question that lurks at the heart of the murkiness.  It is a terrible question.  A question that drives me, when I let it.  “What is the Matrix?”  No, that’s not it!  Here it is…

“What do I FEEL LIKE DOING right now?”

Sooner or later, living by this question day after day drives me into the ditch.  It is a lame question for any of us to follow, particularly someone with an “addictive personality” like me.  But we all have a sin nature that calls out in various fleshly ways, convincing us that this question is actually a very reasonable approach to life.

It is not.

Far better to guide my actions from day to day with questions such as these…

“What would be good for me to do now?”

“What is God’s will for me today (as best I can tell)?”

“How can I bless someone else?”

And the irony of it is this: When I pursue those things that I feel like doing, I am rarely, if ever contented by them.  But when I am willing to pursue those things that God would have me do to bless others, I find within my self a growing sense of contentment and joy that I am simply not capable of contriving on my own.

Have a great day – bless someone else by doing God’s will!

This was my most physically fit point of last year.  I don’t have an updated Wii Fit screen shot to show you today, but it is in the neighborhood of 240 (Don’t even start me on what happens to my Mii when I get on the balance board!).  Here is a brief account and analysis of what happened with my physical fitness last year…

I decided some time in late December that it was time to surrender my appetite fully to God.  I knew this would be the most important foundation to any approach I took to improving my physical fitness.  I still believe this to be true.  In December/January, I began a two part (“Eat Less, Move More”) process to weight loss that burned off nearly 40 lbs in 4 months.  I began eating homemade fruit smoothies as meal and snack replacements, and I began working out for an hour a day (sometimes twice a day) on our elliptical machine at home.  I’m sure there were some other nuances, but that is the core of what I did.  It worked, but it was too extreme to be sustainable for me.  And so it didn’t stick.

Three things happened at the same time that interrupted my rhythm, and because my rhythm was so hard core, I have never regained it.  1. I got a plantar wart.  Very painful.  Not fun.  Incredibly disruptive to my workout rhythm.  2. I started P90-X, thinking I would have a workout partner, but without being sure our schedules would really line up.  Given my personality, the elliptical machine makes for a great solitary workout.  P90-X makes for a great workout buddy exercise.  This further interrupted my flow.  3. I did the “Plyometrics” workout on P90-X and gave it everything I had.  I could barely walk for the next three days.  Literally.  I was in agony.  The culmination of these three dynamics was more than my workout rhythm could overcome.

I have found that exercising regularly and eating a healthier diet go hand in hand.  They just do.  At least for me.  If I do one in earnest, I am likely to do the other.  And reap the physical (emotional, relational, and spiritual) benefits.  If I let one go, I am likely to stop doing the other.  And reap the physical (emotional, relational, and spiritual) consequences.  Given all of this, here is my plan for the foreseeable future…

• Do a moderate workout (20-40) minutes three times a week.
• Drink more water, and less soft drinks.
• Eat more vegetables, and less salty stuff (the latter category covers a host of dietary nightmares)
• Have a smoothie when I’m really hankering for a snack.
• Have some fruit when I’m really hankering for dessert.

Rather than aiming to lose X number of pounds in the next few months, I am aiming for being under 200 pounds in three years and five years and ten years.  I am going for moderate, consistent, and sustainable.  Here goes…

p.s. – I will also probably have smoothies sometimes for breakfast and/or lunch, but not as a rigid rule.  Also, if you are wondering how I make my smoothies, here goes.  I have a smoothie blender that makes basically one large (XL maybe?) smoothie.  Don’t remember the name.  Don’t know the volume.  Oh well.  I put a fresh banana in first, then top that with Dole frozen mixed fruit until it is almost to the top.  I usually sprinkle in some ground flax seed.  Then I fill it up with unsweetened almond milk and sweetened coconut milk.  Blend that sucker up and I’m good to geaux!

Sorry about the “S-word” in that video, but he just nailed this issue, so I’m sharing it.  This will be short and sweet…

I am “on” my iPhone too much.  Facebooking mostly.  But also texting, taking silly pictures, and just looking for stuff.  This needs to change.  I am missing out on life.  I am missing out on my wife.  This is ridiculous!  So, here’s the plan, at least as a starting point.

After 9pm, the iPhone goes to the charger and stays outta my hands.  And the one I’m really wrestling with is this one – Don’t get on Facebook unless I have taken the time to either write a meaningful blog post for the day or read something meaningful from a book for at least half an hour.  I don’t want to get legalistic about it.  Believe me – I know what an epic fail that path is for actually solving any kind of heart issues.  Been there, done that.  But I need structure, and this thing needs turning around.  My wife tells me I share too much on Facebook.  True.  Maybe this post is too much.  But I’m thinking some of you can relate and could use an encouragement and a helpful idea.  And you may start finding some helpful stuff on my website again soon.  : ]

#NeedFreedom

Picking right up where we left off…

On Sunday morning Chemaine wasn’t feeling well, so Shep and I headed off to church in my truck.  Father-son time with our church family.  Worshiping God, studying His Word, building relationships, good coffee, fun play – should be great!  In the midst of singing and talking with Shep on the ride to church, he somewhat brazenly asserts that, “At least I get some screen time during children’s worship!”

Oh, CRAP!  Hadn’t thought of that!!!  Yes, indeed, Shep’s elementary group in the children’s ministry at church is just getting started good in a new string of lessons based on a video series.  Dad.  Gum.  It.  What to do about the Screen Time hiatus?!?

I dropped the lad off in his Sunday school class (the video time comes next hour), went to my Sunday school class (Sorry, Dr. Steve – “Adult Bible Fellowship”) led by my Eminem-lovin, Facebook eschewing friend, Hans Googer, and then checked with one the children’s worship leaders to ask which part of their service would include the video.  After discussing the situation with Lisa for a couple of minutes, she told me she totally understood and supported our being serious about impressing important character lessons on Shep, and that pretty much their whole class would center around the video (I was considering either bringing him up late, or getting him out early).  Basically, it was going to be all or nothing.

When I got my son from Sunday school and brought him into “big church” with me, as we do every week before the youngins are dismissed to go upstairs for their special worship and lesson time, I honestly had not made up my mind what I was going to do.  In hindsight, I should have called Chemaine and prayed about it, but at the time neither occurred to me.  Shep saw his buddies line up on the front row to watch the youth choir perform a special mini-concert during worship time (GREAT job, guys!), and he wanted to go sit with them.  That’s cool.  Sit on the end, and I’ll sit next to you.  Still positioning, waiting, and considering.  Finally, Shep made my mind up for me with a very smug, “At least I get some screen time during children’s worship!”  Okay, Mr. Big Shot Screen Addict, that’s it!

“No,” I say very quietly and firmly to him.  “You aren’t going upstairs this morning.  You are staying here with me.”  And then I saw Shep set his jaw and speak with more resolute defiance than I knew he had in him.  “Yes, I am.  I AM GOING UPSTAIRS WITH MY FRIENDS!”  And when they announced the dismissal of the kids, and his friends got up, he stood up and looked at me.  “Sit down.”  A glare.  A huff.  Then submission.  Now tears.

He crumpled his body over me, buried his face in my lap, and began softly sobbing.  Cut off from his friends.  Cut off from his precious big screen.  Ouch.  I gently rubbed his back and let him cry it out for several minutes.  When he finally came up for air, I offered to go get his Garfield book out of the truck for him to read during church (It’s a really progressive congregation!), but he very respectfully declined.  Then he grabbed my arm and wrapped it tightly around him self.  A few times during the service, he pulled back to glare at me with a crushed, yet defiant gaze.  But then he would nuzzle in close again, and I would rub his back or shoulder or hair, affirming that I love him, and that my love is motivating my actions even in my “hurtful” decision.  Somehow in the midst of this, I realized I had been moved by The Spirit to teach Shep a powerful lesson about The Father’s love for us.

He cares far more about our character and obedience than he does about the little things that capture the temporary attention of our hearts.  Yes, He delights in giving us good gifts and saying “Yes” to our deepest longings.  But sometimes he withholds these things for a season to free our hearts from our sinful ways or attachments to the things of this world.  And He keeps His loving arm around us, gently speaking love to us through His abiding presence and voice of truth.

And for those of you who think I’m over the top with this screen time punishment…he came home from church and rode his bike without any assistance whatsoever for the very first time!  Coincidence?

(Thanks to my good friend and pastor, Hans Googer, for inspiring me to get back on my blogging horse and ride!)

So, basically I have decided I will just hope someday Shep will either understand the value of me using stories about his life on my blog or find it in his heart to forgive me.  I really do mean it when I say this, as I want him to know someday that I (will) respect him as a man, and I want to share stories such as the following in light of that commitment.  Anyway, without further ado…

So, my son seems to have inherited his Dad’s tendency to place socializing and merriment before work.  I won’t go into my regrets and what a lifetime of struggle this has been for me, but let’s just say I am committed to working with Chemaine and with Shep’s teachers to do all we can to help him turn this ship around sooner, rather than later.  After a few reports from his Montessori school teacher that he was excelling in social connection, while slacking in work product (his work has been excellent – he just hasn’t done much of it), I suggested a plan of motivational support on our part, which my wife and my son’s teacher both supported enthusiastically.  In order to fully appreciate the plan, let’s take a quick side trip.

My son LOVES his screen time!  (I will soon do a post entirely devoted to the subject of screen time.)  Sometimes, I think his priorities are: air, water, food, Wii, other screen time, and then whatever else he can fit in his busy schedule.  You getting what I’m saying here?  THIS BOY LOVES HIS SCREEN TIME!!!  Okay, back to our story…

We decided to put in place a new “deal” wherein Shep must meet a minimum standard of pieces of classwork (it’s a Montessori thing) finished each day at school, if he is to get his standard allotment of one hour of screen time that afternoon/evening.  Upon consultation with his wonderful teacher, we agreed that four pieces of work is a very reasonable standard to expect of him, given his abilities.  After implementing the new plan, we decided three pieces of work would allow him half an hour of screen time.  Anything less than three – no dice, Jack!  He proudly came home the first day and told us about doing SIX pieces of work that day.  “Way to go, dude!  I knew you could do it!  I hope you’re proud of what you did today!”  Over the next few days, the numbers he reported to us ranged from five to three, as I recall.  Then, my wife, who volunteers at our son’s school, decided to take a look at his work report sheet and talk with his teacher about how he was doing, and if the new system seemed to be working.

Turns out the little rascal had lied to us for two days straight, boldly deceiving us by telling us he had done more work than he had truly done.  While I am sad to admit that he also inherited this sinful trait directly from me, God has done much work on me in this department, and I determined not to let shame of my own moral failings keep me from holding my son to God’s standard of honesty and integrity.  Chemaine and I rather calmly (thanks, Hal!) explained from each of our perspectives how and why we were disappointed in his actions, and that we were going to help him learn to live to God’s higher standard.  We also made clear that we love him very much and believe he can do better, so we are going to do our best to help him get there.  And then, we dropped THE BOMB…

NO SCREEN TIME FOR A WEEK!

We have never lowered the boom on him this hard, but we agreed that this time he needed a severe consequence (for a seven year old) to impress upon him how serious we are about him living with integrity in his character, both in his work ethic and in his honest speech.  Slack off and pay.  Tell a lie and pay more.  Slack off and willfully begin a pattern of lies, and pay big time!  This was a painful decision, but Chemaine and I agreed it was the right one to help our lad find the necessary motivation to turn this ship around.  I just thought this was the painful part.  No, indeed!

But it seems I’ve gone on long enough for one post.  I’ll be back tomorrow to tell you what happened on Sunday of No-Screen Week that broke my heart, crushed Shep, and left him crying in my lap during church.

Here’s a little Christmas idea for your kids this year…give them the gift of limits on their screen time.

Don’t expect them to jump for joy and sing your praises as if you just bought them the latest greatest video game.  But then, good parenting isn’t all about having our kids sing our praises, is it?  Here are some suggestions for establishing healthy screen time limits in your home:

1. Include all screens in “screen-time” rules and limits (TV, computer, video games, movies, even cell phone apps).  Let them decide which screen is most important to them on a given day.  Giving them this opportunity for making priority choices is a great way to help them grow an important life-skill.

2. Have regular limits on screen-time as a proactive measure – not just for punishment.

3. Take away portions of screen-time for punishment to maximize effectiveness.  Cutting that Wii time in half is sometimes more painful (effective) than taking it away completely.  Depending on the infraction, we cut our son’s screen-time out by three minute, five minute, half hour, and screen-type (no Wii, but internet is still on, etc) increments.  He only loses future screen-time if he has gone WAY out of bounds on a big issue like respect.

4. Be more rigid on school nights and more flexible on weekends, vacation time, etc.

5. Always be ready to offer positive alternatives to screen-time.  Playing catch outside, working a puzzle, playing a board game, reading a book, riding a bike – the sky’s the limit!

6. Set time limits based on age and other reasonable factors.  For example, we give our soon-to-be 7 year old an hour of screen-time on weeknights and leave it fairly open-ended on weekends.  We allow him “extra” screen-time during weekends because he is an only child, and we try to be realistic about that.  Also, you will have to make reasonable allowances for school-required screen time online.

7. Be in charge.  If you cave in to your child’s whines, manipulations, and complaints on a regular basis, you are letting them be in charge, and cheating them of your leadership.

8. Sprinkle grace into your disciplined structure.  Now and then, we let our son have extra screen-time “just because.”  Also, we don’t have a set system for earning more screen-time, but are willing to give him a bump at times when he has done something outstanding.  It’s always a big hit, and helps him realize we are not simply looking for ways to limit his fun.

9. Be as engaged in your child’s screen-time as possible.  Know what they are into, be present with them while using their screen-time as often as you can, and talk with them about what they like and what they think about what they are taking in via the screen.

10. Have reasonable screen-time limits in your own life.  If you tank this one, the first nine points won’t work too well for your family.

Merry Christmas and Happy Screen-Time to you and your family from Dr. Butner!

Men, are you looking to be a better husband?  Improve your marriage?  Improve your wife’s view of you?  Here is a practical tip with huge spiritually transformational power.  Print out the following scriptures on a sheet of paper, laminate it, and put it somewhere you will see every day.  Pick it up daily, pray for God to shape you through His Word, slowly read these verses, and look at your life in this mirror:

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”  – Ephesians 5:25-27

• “All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”  – Song of Solomon 4:7

• “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  – Matthew 5:27-28

• “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  – Philippians 2:1-11

• “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

• “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”  – James 1:19-20

• “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”  – Philippians 2:14

• “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  – Ephesians 4:29
  

Thank you, Rick Warren, for clobbering my shins with this inspired message! (Be sure to click on the link to read Pastor Warren’s full message.)

1. Stop making excuses.

2. Start today.

3. Establish a planned routine.

4. Face your fears.

5. Focus on what you gain, not the pain.

- Don’t ask, “What do I feel like doing?”  Instead ask, “What does God want me to do?”

I just read this post today by my blogging buddy, Lantz Howard, and I thought it was well worth sharing.  Great stuff, Lantz!