HopeForYourFamily

You won’t find a better deal for Super Bowl tickets, unless you happen to be Drew Brees’ cousin.  And the organization offering the raffle is devoted to blessing folks in a tough place through efforts that will likely never receive any great recognition (this side of Heaven).  I personally know the head of this organization, with which I once served as a board member, and this is the real deal:

Tags: community, hope

I know.  For those of you who have been following me on Twitter and/or Facebook, you realize this statement comes near apostasy for me.  But what you may not realize is that I grew up in Little Rock, AR, home of Jennings Osborne and family.  Click here to get a visual tour of the world record home Christmas lights display (year after year after year) that truly makes Clark’s efforts look about as bright as a matchstick at dusk.

Reading the account on the Osborne website paints the neighbors as Grinches and themselves as altruistic. I’ll take the middle ground.  It was truly something breathtaking to behold, but the traffic was an absolute nightmare, and I don’t even want to imagine being a next-door neighbor to the Osborne compound on Cantrell.

Between viewing Christmas Vacation last night, reflecting on the otherworldly light spectacle that grew exponentially for years on end at the Jennings Osborne compound, and reading Trey Morgan’s post this morning, I have been thinking about how over the top we can go about things that have such little eternal value.  Can you imagine a world in which followers of Christ were as passionate about living in the Way of the Kingdom of Heaven as we can be about decorating for Christmas, or cheering for our favorite athletics team, or watching entertaining movies, or posting stuff on Facebook that gets lots of comments, or generally eating, drinking, and being merry?  Sorry, John Lennon – that’s the world I want to imagine!

Here’s to the prophets of living on fire for Christ today – Shane Claiborne and Francis Chan and John Eldredge and Dallas Willard and Richard Foster and Eugene Peterson and…  Who else would you put on this list?

Tags: community, compasses, culture, facebook, hope, the journey, twitter

(Re-posted from 2006)

Well, the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season is upon us.  You know what that means? – Dealing with knotheads!  Whether it’s your ex-spouse, your alcoholic mother, your abusive father, your in-laws with no sense of personal boundaries, the guy in front of you on the road driving 10 mph under the speed limit, or the woman in the department store who clearly doesn’t know the answer to your question but is trying to sound convincing anyway…knotheads are in abundance.  We deal with them throughout the year, but they seem to come out of the woodwork this time of year.  This being the case, it seemed appropriate to offer you some practical guidance on successfully dealing with the knotheads in your life.

Let’s begin with a simple definition.  A knothead is anyone who seems determined to frustrate you.  I like to use the word “knothead,” because it has such a nice, descriptive ring to it, without crossing the line into…well, you know the more colorful terms you use for these folks – under your breath or behind their back or when the kids aren’t listening.  Anyway, knotheads appear to have the secret code to get to our buttons and push them to maximum aggravation level.  It is at this point that we begin to see the solution to dealing with the knothead dilemma.

Question: What is the difference between a knothead and a common bonehead?  Your common bonehead does goofy things, but doesn’t get you riled up.  No access to your buttons, you see.  The knothead, on the other hand, has found a way to get you to react with frustration, aggravation, or even outright fury when they pull out the goofy behavior card.  So, again, what is the difference between these two?  The degree to which you give them access to your emotional buttons!  This is great news!  It means you have a great deal of power in this equation.  You have the power to reduce any knothead in rank to a common bonehead, therefore rendering them totally endurable (even for a four hour Thanksgiving feast!).

The power to neutralize even the most raging knothead is within your grasp.  It basically comes down to three simple (if challenging) mental tasks:

1. Staying calm. As the old saying goes, there is great power in keeping your head when all those around you are losing theirs.  When you allow your emotional reactions to spill out in response to others’ goofy behavior, you are giving them greater access to your emotional buttons, and fueling their knotheadism to higher levels.  It may not be easy to stay calm in the face of certain individuals, but I didn’t tell you this would be easy – just that it is do-able.  When you stay calm, you stay in control.  Maybe this will help.  Remind yourself that if you get emotionally reactive because of something your least favorite knothead did or said, it means you have given a KNOTHEAD control of your emotions!  Is that what you really want?!!  Staying calm means keeping YOURSELF in control of your emotions and choices.  (For more insights into the power of calm and the destructive power of emotional reactivity, I highly recommend www.screamfree.com.)
2. Reminding yourself that the knothead/bonehead’s goofy behavior is primarily intended to get something for themself, not wreck your life. I know, there truly are exceptions to this – knotheads who legitimately want to inflict damage upon you.  However, this really is not the case in most situations.  In fact, many times the goofy behavior in question is so irksome to you, not because it was designed to cause you maximum frustration, but because you weren’t even considered.  The vast majority of goofy behavior is the result of selfishness, frustration, lack of vision, and/or lack of maturity.  If you can find a way to help the bonehead in question achieve whatever goals they are truly after, you are likely to help curb their goofy behavior that would otherwise intensify in an ongoing effort to reach their goals.  Remember that their true goal may not be their expressed goal.  You may have to listen and look carefully to understand what it is they are really desiring.  If you are willing to make this effort, you may find that that what they are after is not so different from something you may desire, as well.  If the idea of helping boneheads/knotheads achieve their goals is a really tough pill for you to swallow, consider the words of Jesus, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
3. Keeping it in perspective. Remember that you really only have to endure this goofiness for X length of time.  If you are frustrated with that knothead in traffic, get some perspective already!  We’re talking moments here – minutes at most.  (Ouch!!!  I’m really nailing myself on this one.)  Giving fifteen extra minutes of your day to that person at church who doesn’t understand personal boundaries isn’t going to kill you.  Even if the knothead you’ve been envisioning throughout this article is the one you will be sharing a living room with for three days over the Christmas holiday – it’s still only three days of your life.  Stay calm.  Try to help them get at least some of what they really want.  And remember that you are leaving in just a few short hours.  Why be miserable, just because there happen to be boneheads in the room?  Keep in mind what a relatively small sacrifice it is to spend this short amount of time with Bonehead, and make the choice to enjoy yourself and your time.  Especially during the holiday season!

I hope this has been a helpful course in Knotheadology 101.  I’ll be working on a 200 level course in the future.  In the meantime, if you would like some guided independent study with me, feel free to email me at Roger@hopeforyourfamily.com or call me at 225-333-1582.  I sincerely hope you will have a knothead-free holiday season and beyond, although many of us simply can’t escape a few boneheads along the way to help us grow and mature.  For more specific tips on how to deal with the ex-spouse variety of knothead, click on the following link to a handout I offered recently at a divorce support group: Healthy Relationship with Ex

Tags: community, family, marriage / relationships, screamfree

Just logging on to say I was somewhat disappointed to see there was no “Bob for Swine Flu” (aka – Bob for Apples) tub at our church’s Fall Festival (churches aren’t allowed to actually call Halloween parties “Halloween parties,” are they?!) this evening.  As a consolation, I was thrilled to see, tucked away in a corner, the “H1N1 Nibble” (aka – Donut Gobble).  What could be more delightful than taking a big bite out of a sugar coated, deep fried carbolicious morsel, laden with the flu-season slobber of the previous five kids who pecked and licked at the dangling pastry before your turn in line?  I mean, that’s what I call livin’ on the edge!

Thanks to all the volunteers who took time to carefully inject the donuts with strawberry flavored Purell before the big event!

Tags: community, the journey

If you are looking for an affordable opportunity to learn great parenting insights and skills in an ongoing fellowship of other parents on the growth journey, and you live in the Baton Rouge area, look no further!

Parenting By The Book

Tags: books, coming soon..., community, parenting

No, folks – I’m not peddling porn or anything like that on HopeForYourFamily!  I just wanted you to know I have begun adding pdf documents for free download on my “FREE Downloads” page.  These are primarily handouts/outlines from some of the various seminars and workshops I offer or have offered in the past.  I will likely add a few more in the near future.

I would draw your attention, in particular, to the first one I have listed – “Parenting Seminar Handout.”  This five-page handout represents a range of parenting topics, any or all of which may be included in my parenting seminar for your group.  I can offer a basic 2-hour presentation, which will include parts of this material, plus time for Q & A, up to a full 5-hour seminar or 2-day retreat, which includes all of the material and generous time for more personal interaction.

Please feel free to share this handout with any groups you feel would benefit from what God has given me to share, and call on me any time with any questions you might have regarding my seminar options.  Roger@hopeforyourfamily.com or 225-333-1582

Tags: adolescence, coming soon..., community, hope, marriage / relationships, parenting, teens, the journey

What is your concept of Hell?  An eternal fiery inferno.  Being in the grotesque presence of Satan forever.  Complete separation from God for all time.  There are several common Biblical and not-so Biblical concepts and descriptions of Hell.

How about this one?

You are a child who wanders across the wrong path one day and you are violently abducted and transported to some other part of the world where you begin a new “life” of being drugged, beaten, and daily forced to endure sexual assault by wealthy, flesh-hungry men up to 20, 30, 40 or more times a day, and are given only enough food, shelter, and rest to keep you alive enough to keep the customers happy.  And if you don’t keep the customers happy, you will be denied even those essentials for a few days, just to teach you that you no longer have the human right to choose anything other than surrender to the will of the money-wielding monster who longs to take you, break you, and discard you for a few moments of twisted pleasure.

DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY.

Sounds like Hell to me!

And human trafficking is happening in shocking numbers every day.

All around the world.

Including in various forms throughout the United States – “The land of the free and the home of the brave.”

In Louisiana.

In Baton Rouge.

I don’t yet know how God is going to use me in this fight, but I am answering His call.  I will not stand on the sidelines, knowing innocent lives are being ravaged by demons in the flesh.  I have to fight back.  I am praying God will show me where He can best use my gifts to bring hope, healing, freedom, and justice in response to this unspeakable atrocity.

Here are some of the organizations I am prayerfully investigating:

www.traffickinghope.org

www.ijm.org

www.sharedhope.org

www.stopthetraffik.org

http://ccatcoalition.web.aplus.net/

www.childrenofthenight.org

www.tradethemovie.com/get_involved.html

www.acf.hhs.gov/trafficking/

Is God calling you to join the fight against Hell on earth?

Tags: adolescence, anti-trafficking, community, culture, freedom, hope, manhood, personal responsibility, sex, teens

I have seldom used my website as a place to post “prayer requests.”  Today, the Holy Spirit has laid something on my heart that I feel compelled to share with you, and to ask for your prayer support.  If you have a heart for teens – for seeing the adolescents of our day experience hope and healing and purpose and wholeness and joy and abundant living – then I am calling on you to join me in prayer.  For some, this may mean pausing momentarily as you read this post to offer a brief, one-time prayer.  Great!  For others, you may pray about this periodically throughout the rest of today and the weekend.  Thank you!  And for still others, you may be willing to write this down and commit to ongoing prayer as a matter of priority.  Bless you, sister or brother!  And here is the matter of prayer I bring before you today:

I believe God is calling me to begin a monthly round-table gathering of Christ-followers with hearts for transforming teens.

While physically, it will be limited to those within reasonable driving distance, today’s technology can be a powerful force for the Kingdom.  As I work on setting up the logistics for our gathering in Baton Rouge, I will also be working on the technological social-networking logistics that will facilitate you and those you know with a similar passion joining in on our ongoing conversation.  I see our conversation including counselors, pastors, coaches, volunteer youth workers, teachers, youth leaders themselves, pediatricians, camp staff, and more.  This call to transformational conversation is for all Christ-followers with a heart for youth, and I pray will not be limited by those particulars that the Enemy so skillfully uses to divide us – such as denominational barriers, racial discomfort and mistrust, gender lines, age, etc.

While the nature of the format and conversation will undoubtedly evolve with time as the Spirit leads us to grow together, I do have a vision for the important elements:  We will pray.  We will share our experiences of both victory and heartache regarding the teens within our spheres of contact.  We will share our God-provided gifts, strengths, and resources with one another.  We will seek the will of the Father, the way of the Son, and the wind of the Spirit.  We will respond in obedience to God’s call for us to live incarnationally among the adolescents of our world.  We will use our monthly conversation as fuel and focus for our daily mission to touch the lives of teens with God’s transforming love.

If this touches your heart-strings, and you live in the Baton Rouge area, please don’t wait to hear from me personally – contact me right away.  I will be personally reaching out to individuals and organizations throughout our community as the Spirit leads me, but it will take time.  If your heart is touched by this call, and you live out of driving range to join us in a chair, please don’t wait to hear from me personally – contact me right away.  As I said, I will be working on developing the best social networking method to actively include you in the conversation, whether it is through this website or Facebook or something else.

Above all, please pray about this call to conversation for the transformation of teens.  It is a call to faith.  It is a call to hope.  It is a call to love.  It is a call to living incarnationally among adolescents.  It is a call to action.  Thanks for being a part of this mission.  If you have even one eye or ear open these days, you know how desperate is the need.

p.s. – We now have a Facebook group.

p.p.s. – We also now have a permanent HDTV page here on my website.

Tags: adolescence, coming soon..., community, facebook, hope, teens

For those of you in Louisiana who have not heard, there will be a weekend of “sales tax holiday” for purchases of hurricane preparedness supplies on Saturday and Sunday, May 30 and 31, 2009.  According to the email from Representative Steve Carter’s office the following items will be exempt from sales tax on these two dates:

- self-powered light sources such as flashlights and candles

- portable self-powered radios, two-way radios, and weather band radios

- tarpaulins or other flexible waterproof sheeting

- ground anchor systems or tie-down kits

- gas or diesel fuel tanks

- AAA-cell, AA-cell, C-cell, D-cell, 6-volt, or 9-volt batteries – automobile and boat batteries are excluded

- cellular phone batteries and chargers

- non-electric food storage coolers

- portable generators used to provide light or communications or preserve food in the event of a power outage

- storm shutter devices, which are defined as materials and products manufactured, rated, and marketed specificially for the purposes of preventing window damage from storms

- carbon monoxide detectors

- blue ice products

I hope this is helpful as you make reasonable and prudent preparations for the upcoming “hurricane season.”  And I don’t really know what “blue ice products” means.  Maybe the self-contained re-freezable gel packs of various kinds?

Tags: community

Make plans for your whole family to attend the 20th Annual Louisiana Earth Day in Downtown Baton Rouge this Sunday, April 19, from noon to 8:30 p.m.  Click on the icon below to find out all the fun, earth-friendly details:

Tags: community, nature