HopeForYourFamily

Men, are you looking to be a better husband?  Improve your marriage?  Improve your wife’s view of you?  Here is a practical tip with huge spiritually transformational power.  Print out the following scriptures on a sheet of paper, laminate it, and put it somewhere you will see every day.  Pick it up daily, pray for God to shape you through His Word, slowly read these verses, and look at your life in this mirror:

• “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”  – Ephesians 5:25-27

• “All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”  – Song of Solomon 4:7

• “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  – Matthew 5:27-28

• “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  – Philippians 2:1-11

• “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

• “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”  – James 1:19-20

• “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”  – Philippians 2:14

• “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  – Ephesians 4:29
  

Tags: character, discipline, leadership, manhood, marriage / relationships, spiritual formation

I just found out about this book and author yesterday, so I have not yet read it.  However, she has my attention, and I want to bring her to yours.  Here is her website. I will keep you posted on what I discover.  For now, here is the book summary:

“Based on the National Study of Youth and Religion—the same invaluable data as its predecessor, Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers — Kenda Creasy Dean’s compelling new book, Almost Christian, investigates why American teenagers are at once so positive about Christianity and at the same time so apathetic about genuine religious practice.

In Soul Searching, Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton found that American teenagers have embraced a “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism”–a hodgepodge of banal, self-serving, feel-good beliefs that bears little resemblance to traditional Christianity. But far from faulting teens, Dean places the blame for this theological watering down squarely on the churches themselves. Instead of proclaiming a God who calls believers to lives of love, service and sacrifice, churches offer instead a bargain religion, easy to use, easy to forget, offering little and demanding less. But what is to be done? In order to produce ardent young Christians, Dean argues, churches must rediscover their sense of mission and model an understanding of being Christian as not something you do for yourself, but something that calls you to share God’s love, in word and deed, with others. Dean found that the most committed young Christians shared four important traits: they could tell a personal and powerful story about God; they belonged to a significant faith community; they exhibited a sense of vocation; and they possessed a profound sense of hope. Based on these findings, Dean proposes an approach to Christian education that places the idea of mission at its core and offers a wealth of concrete suggestions for inspiring teens to live more authentically engaged Christian lives.

Persuasively and accessibly written, Almost Christian is a wake up call no one concerned about the future of Christianity in America can afford to ignore.”

Tags: adolescence, books, culture, spiritual formation, teaching, teens

(Based on my 8/31 WAFB Parenting 101 interview)

When is the right age to start talking with your kids about drugs and alcohol?

• Whenever a situation presents itself, whether in “real life” or on screen, where the subject of alcohol or drugs makes sense to discuss. In fact, “Intervention” on A&E is a fantastic resource for parents to utilize in teaching your kids about where the abuse of drugs and alcohol can lead.  Set your DVR to record the show regularly, then find an episode or two that you feel comfortable using as an illustration and conversation guide.
• If your child makes it to middle school without you having shared a few direct, specific talks along these lines, YOU ARE LATE AND NEED TO CATCH UP NOW!!!

What are some important things to do in talking with our kids about alcohol and drugs?

• Be honest with them. If you really want to protect and empower your children to the fullest, so they are well equipped to make wise choices in this area of life, show them the respect of telling the truth.
• Be specific with them. “Drugs are dangerous” may be a good starting point for a seven year old, but at some point you need to tell them and show them what are the particular risks of using/abusing inhalants, opiates, marijuana, alcohol, prescription pills, etc.
• Invite them to ask questions. Sure, they may stump you with an unexpected zinger.  Big deal!  Find the answer together, empowering them and building your relationship in the process.
• Share any lessons you have learned “the hard way.” Yes, you should use age-appropriate judgment in how much detail you share with your kids, but their are few lessons that will get their attention like the ones where their parents made mistakes and paid a price for it.

What are some important things NOT to do in talking with our kids about drugs and alcohol?

• Make big threats. Telling your kids they will be grounded for a year or sent to boot camp or on God’s permanent Naughty List if they ever drink or use drugs will not be helpful to them at all, and may increase their likelihood of indulging in the “secret forbidden fruit” syndrome – hiding their struggles from you and the world.  Not good!
• Go to extremes of exaggeration or avoidance. Again, this is disempowering and not at all helpful, as it does not help ground and equip them in reality.  And drugs and alcohol are very real, let me assure you.
• Scare them into never talking to you again. So, you feel scared or uneasy about discussing this stuff with your kids.  GET OVER IT!  They NEED you to be calm and confident as you discuss the realities of alcohol and drug use and abuse with them.

Where can parents get help if you are concerned your child/teen may have a problem with alcohol or drugs?

• Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Baton Rouge AA Central Office (225-381-9609 in Baton Rouge)
• Al-Anon / Alateen Family Groups Al-Anon in Louisiana (225-924-0029 in Baton Rouge)
• Narcotics Anonymous World Services Louisiana Region NA (225-381-9609 in Baton Rouge)
• Tau Center for Chemical Dependency (225-765-8900 a great local resource for the Baton Rouge area)
• Teen Challenge USA (Christian treatment for alcoholism and addiction for all ages at sites throughout the country)
• Call me at 225-333-1582 or email me at roger@hopeforyourfamily.com or contact another local mental health professional with experience working with teens, families, and alcohol/drug issues (Always feel free to call and ask mental health professionals about their training and experience before scheduling any appointments).

Tags: adolescence, freedom, HOPE, leadership, parenting, personal responsibility, teaching, teens, the journey

Tags: character, coming soon..., friends, leadership, manhood, spiritual formation, the journey

Look for another blog post to follow shortly on a “deeper” lesson or two learned from my very first fishing trip.  For now, I offer these:

1. Spending a day fishing with a good friend is a very good thing.
2. Fish spray poop whenever you pull the hook out of their mouths.  Be careful where you aim their…tails.
3. Porpoises are the “cows” of the saltwater “pasture” in the bays of South Louisiana.
4. It’s a good idea to have a strap or cord on your sunglasses out there on the high-speed fishing boat.
5. Speckled trout truly are beautiful creatures.
6. Speckled trout smell far better cooked than they do in the cooler on the boat.
7. If you are going to reel in a big fish (like a redfish), you better have the right equipment and ability.
8. If you don’t have the right equipment and ability, be in the boat with someone who does.
9. Don’t judge people by their diplomas and degrees.  Education and wisdom come in many forms.
10. Sunblock is your friend.  So is the guy who reminds you to reapply a couple of times on a long day.
11. There is a time to wait, and a time to act;  a time to fish, and a time to move on; a time to persist, and time to switch bait; a time to observe, and a time to engage; a time to laugh, and a time to mourn; a time to sit, and a time to stand up and hold on (that last bit left me feeling like a rodeo bull-rider in training!); a time to answer the cell phone, and a time to ignore it.

Tags: coming soon..., friends, the journey

Thank you, Rick Warren, for clobbering my shins with this inspired message! (Be sure to click on the link to read Pastor Warren’s full message.)

1. Stop making excuses.

2. Start today.

3. Establish a planned routine.

4. Face your fears.

5. Focus on what you gain, not the pain.

- Don’t ask, “What do I feel like doing?”  Instead ask, “What does God want me to do?”

Tags: character, discipline, fitness, freedom, personal responsibility, spiritual formation, the journey

No, this is not a typical post from me.  But I do my best to share good things with you on my site, and this definitely qualifies!  Now, I’m not advocating eating a whole half-gallon of this stuff in one sitting.  That would be gluttonous and over-the-top.  And I’d have to take like six Lactaid tablets to handle that serving.  I’m just saying the thought has crossed my mind, cause this is the finest frozen dairy delight ever served up in a bowl.  Get you some of that action and see if I’m not speaking the truth.

Just thought this might be a great way to close out summertime!

Tags: addiction, freedom

So, I just heard about Scott Ginsberg’s (The Nametag Guy) new book, “-able: 35 Strategies for Increasing the Probability of Success in Business and in Life.” And with it, he is challenging folks like me to create a new word with an -able suffix, and explain to you how this quality can increase your probability of success in business and in life.  Okay, Scott, I’ll bite…

Have you ever found yourself leaving a conversation with someone thinking, “Wow!  I can’t believe how much I just shared with him!  And it really felt good to unload and share that stuff.”  Or, “I love talking with her.  It just feels so safe to open up and be real.  I guess I just don’t get that opportunity every day.”  If you have ever had the pleasure of spending time with Eddie Parish or Murphy Toerner or Kevin McKee, you know what I mean.  (Words cannot express my gratitude for the impact these rare people have had in my life.)  What is it about these people that gives us such a sense of security and ease to share our inner worlds with them?

They are Revealable.

They have that amazing blend of interest, respect, compassion, and integrity that invites you to reveal your true self and true experience, knowing it is safe to do so.  Remember the theme song from the 80’s hit series, Cheers?  That song, along with the show, resonated with so many millions because we all long for relational places and spaces where we will be eagerly anticipated, respectfully received, and invited to unload our burdens without fear of scorn, rejection, or punishment.

Yes, as a licensed therapist, it is an important part of my job to be a Revealable presence in the lives of my clients.  But you don’t have to be a therapist to be Revealable.  And the more Revealable you become, the more people will be drawn to you in all areas of life, including your business.  Think about it.  When you are struggling or burdened or simply feeling alone, what do you want most?  Is it not for someone to notice you and listen to you without judgment?  And if that is the deep need of your heart, it stands to reason it is just as important to the next person with whom you will interact.  Jesus taught us the Golden Rule is to treat others the way we want to be treated.  Not only is this an abiding spiritual truth that leads to greater purpose, peace, and blessing, it is also the fundamental principle for good customer service in any business.

So before you get down to the bottom line, take the time to show yourself as a Revealable person to your customers, associates, neighbors, family, friends, and would-be clientele.  They will be so glad you did, and so will you!  But be forewarned - if you become Revealable, you will be in demand and will be sought out by an increasing number of folks who are longing for what you have to offer.  Are you sure you’re ready for that?

Tags: books, the journey

This is the picture that was taped to our TV set all day yesterday.  “How did it get there?” you may ask.  Here’s the story…

Just before bedtime on Wednesday evening, my six-year-old son lied to my wife and me about something.  It was one of those easily detected, bold-faced, I don’t even see the reason for lying kind of lies.  So I called him on it immediately and informed him he would not have any TV privileges all day the next day.  I even had the audacity to include all screen-time (computer, movies, etc) in this TV ban, and didn’t even bother to explain that to him at the time.  I’m a parent – I can do that.  Shep’s immediate response was to begin crying and run to his room to let out his steam and then cool down.  I was actually quite pleased with the way he handled that.  (Note to self – be sure to tell him how pleased I was with how he handled the delivery of the punishment.)

While he was finding a way to accept his misfortune, I located a verse of Scripture that I thought would really emphasize the key point(s) we want him to learn: God is displeased with him anytime he lies, his mother and I are displeased with him anytime he lies, and life will be worse for him anytime he lies.  As I have done with previous memory verses for my son, I looked up the verse in several versions and then synthesized them into a wording that I thought would best convey the message to him at his present developmental level.  When he came back in the living room a half hour or so later, I told him to go over and read to me the new memory verse that was taped to the TV screen.  At first he was focused on the mechanics of reading, but then the message hit him.  He stopped in mid-sentence, told me he hated that memory verse, and sat down in a huff.

At this point my wife and I made clear to him that one of the things we appreciate about him is that he shows consistently honest character, and is not one to lie often.  However, we want him to remember this lesson, and so here is our way of helping him remember.  So my lad spent the day without the pleasure of his pal, the television screen.  He survived the ordeal just fine, and even managed to successfully play by himself for about an hour while my wife was away from the house and I was out mowing the yard.  He tried to convince me to let him watch TV last night, but I held my ground, and he clearly knew the reason.  He even made a comment that showed how he understood that he could have been honest the night before, and how that would have changed things for him.  I think he got the point.  I only wish I could have been there this morning to see him get up and tear that obstruction off the TV screen so he could watch another round of Phineas and Ferb before starting back to school next week!

Tags: family, leadership, media, parenting, spiritual formation, teaching

John Rosemond is such an inspired and inspiring authority on parenting well.  And we have the opportunity to hear him LIVE in Baton Rouge in a month!!!

Check out the details and register here.

Tags: coming soon..., leadership, parenting