HopeForYourFamily

I just wanted to take a moment to officially inquire what topics you would like to see me address in the coming year?  Spiritual issues?  Self-Injury?  Teen help?  Marital recommendations?  More lessons from Disney World?

What have you gained from your time spent on my blog?  What difference does it make in your life?

What holes have you seen in my blog that you would like to see me fill this year?

Thanks for taking time to be a part of the HopeForYourFamily community!  As always, I love getting your comments and feedback, and welcome the discussion.  Also, thanks to all who have linked and helped me get a rating of 4 on the official blogometer thingy.  I don’t really understand the ins and outs, but apparently this means my site is a hit!

May you be blessed with growth, humility, strength, peace, faith, love, and courage in 2010!

With Hope in Him,

Dr. Butner

Tags: blogging, the journey

How do I want to improve my life this year?  How have I let my self (or others) down this year?  What am I really ready to surrender this year?  What part of my life has brought me to a breaking point?  How do I want to make a difference this year?  What does my family need from me this year?

The list could go on and on.  Christmas is over and the New Year approaches.  As waistlines and credit card bills expand, our minds move to that great annual enigma – New Year’s Resolutions.

Well, if you are looking to bring some real transformation to your family this year; if you want to really improve your relationships with your kids; if you know the time has come for you to step up and lead your home in a healthier direction, you may just be amazed at the power you will unleash as you face these three simple questions every evening.  Perhaps you could write them on a card and tape them to your bathroom mirror:

1. Did I give enough healthy touch today? (The presence of ongoing healthy touch is one of the most powerful tools a parent can use to impart value, hope, and direction into the life of a child.  Please invest wisely and lavishly!)

2. Did I listen enough today? (Sure, we want our children to listen to us and respect us.  But please don’t forget – “Kids don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care!”)

3. Did I honor my word today? (Part of this challenge is to be honest with our kids, and not deceitful.  However, the greater challenge may be carrying through on our warnings of correction and discipline.  Empty threats will always steer our kids in the wrong direction – they are not neutral.  Children need parents to consistently enforce their rules to prepare them for life.)

And remember that life can only be lived and changes can only be made ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Tags: adolescence, family, leadership, parenting, respect, teens

From Dr. Butner to you, I’m wishing you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas (or a Happy Festivus – take your pick)!

Tags: hope, movies, the journey

It is very good to have a plan.  Just don’t hold it too tightly.

Six days and seven nights at Disney World.  Four parks, plus a special shopping district, and multiple resorts with additional minor attractions.  Special lunches and breakfasts and dinners that include up close and personal visits with the real Disney characters.  Special events and attractions at limited venues.  Three adults.  One child.  Two guys.  Two gals.  Two Disney “veterans.”  Two Disney “newbies.”

Yeah, we needed a plan.  Thanks a million to Phoebe, my mother-in-law for working so hard to organize a basic game plan before we arrived in Orlando, based in no small part on input from friends and family with much more Disney expertise than we had.  I tend to figure out things as I go, and make plans on the fly.  Had I been in charge of our agenda, we almost certainly would have missed out on many of the things that we enjoyed during our time there.  Here are just a few images of the fruits of good planning:

Life is much the same.  If we don’t face it with intentionality, purpose, and some kind of well-considered plans, we will likely miss out on some of the best in life.  We may enjoy those things we stumble upon, but we will shortchange ourselves of the full richness that God desires us to experience in life.  While it is true we cannot actually live beyond the present moment, and can waste a lot of energy trying to do so, we also do well to be mindful of where we are headed and why we are headed there.

But, guess what?  We didn’t stick to all of our plans while we were at Disney World.  We had to take into account our level of energy (and sanity) from day to day, what we actually did and didn’t enjoy once we experienced it, and new possibilities that cropped up during our time.  And so, each day involved deciding which plans to keep, which plans to scrub, and what new plans to make.  Had we not been willing to be flexible, Disney would probably have been a miserable mess.

That sounds like life, too, doesn’t it?  Plans and purposeful decision-making are essential, but without flexibility, we snap.  Sometimes, today just doesn’t unfold like I anticipated it would yesterday.  I can stay hung up on yesterday’s expectations and plans, or I can regroup, adapt, and face life on life’s terms today.

While we’re at it, here are a few Butner family images of Disney memories that we owe to our willingness to adapt (Chemaine would kill me if I posted the picture of her sitting on the “Barrel of Fun” – the best “ride” at Disney that only cost 25 cents per foot-massaging minute):

Tags: compasses, the journey

The American Idol Experience is WAY better than karaoke!

Unfortunately, Disney has a total stranglehold on pictures of this experience, so this snapshot will have to suffice.

If you know me well at all, you know I love the chance to get up in the spotlight with a microphone – especially if there is singing involved.  I’ve had my share of karaoke stardom, and enjoyed every bit of it.  But it doesn’t hold a candle to winning a preliminary round of the American Idol Experience, and getting to compete in the final evening round at Hollywood Studios at Disney World.  And I just know if I had one more crack at performing “Circle of Life” (from The Lion King), I would take top honors!  : ]

Well, we can’t win’em all, can we?  Still, it was an experience unlike any I’ve ever had, and I am grateful to all the folks who voted for me in both rounds, and to those who stopped me at various parks throughout the rest of the week to complement me.  Way Cool!!!

Tags: media, the journey

(Never even considered putting Shep on this one, although he LOVED watching this thrill ride!)

Parents aren’t always right, but we know more than our children.  We need to lead.

My son is somewhat sensitive to strong stimuli, such as loud noises and packed crowds.  We brought plenty of earplugs to Disney World, and never left the resort without them.  It was important for my wife, my mother-in-law, and me to respect his limitations and listen to his voice when he spoke up for himself.  (This is a huge lesson in itself, but I will move along.)

However, had we been willing to walk away from everything that caused my six year old to flinch, as soon as he started whining and fussing, our Disney experience would have been limited to riding shuttle buses and boats back and forth from our resort to restaurants and shops.  That’s all well and good, but he (along with the rest of the family) would have missed out on some amazing and enjoyable experiences, had we simply acquiesced to his anxieties.

I love my son too much to let him miss out on the thrill of Disney World.  Okay, so the “It’s a Small World” boat ride may not exactly qualify as a thrill, but it is certainly a part of the warm memories shared by countless travelers to Disney World.  So when he began crying, screaming, and wigging out as we got in line for this particular underwhelming adventure, I calmly and resolutely insisted we were going to ride it as a family, and he could feel free to be upset with me if he didn’t enjoy it.  I know my son, and I knew this ride.  I had done it before as a child (over and over and over again, much to the delight of my little sister).  And I knew there was nothing frightening, and that it was not only a very soothing experience (the first time or two), but that it would appeal to his love of other world cultures.  So, what was the outcome of my hard-nosed parenting insistence?

“Dad, I want to ride it again!!!”

(That's my little cropduster in the gold LSU gear!)

Same story on several other rides, culminating in three father-son rides on Goofy’s Barnstormer, the small roller coaster in Toon Town at the Magic Kingdom.  He absolutely loved it.  I absolutely loved riding with my brave six year old.  My wife, mother-in-law, and I thoroughly enjoyed quite a few rides and shows with Shep, and he truly had a magical experience.  All because we led him with our experience and authority.  But we also knew when to release, and not insist.  Sounds like another lesson from Disney World…

And while we’re at it, the following shot never would have happened, either, were it not for the calm, resolute leadership of young Shep’s parents.  Tigger even signed his LSU hat!  GEAUX TIGERS!!!

Tags: leadership, parenting

Just wanted to let you know I have updated my “CHALLENGES” page – drawn directly from my posts on Twitter (to Facebook).  May you be blessed by the questions, challenges, and ponderings you discover here.  I would be grateful for your prayers as I consider taking steps toward publishing this work in a book.

With Hope in Him,

Roger

Tags: books, facebook, hope, the journey, twitter