HopeForYourFamily

I know.  For those of you who have been following me on Twitter and/or Facebook, you realize this statement comes near apostasy for me.  But what you may not realize is that I grew up in Little Rock, AR, home of Jennings Osborne and family.  Click here to get a visual tour of the world record home Christmas lights display (year after year after year) that truly makes Clark’s efforts look about as bright as a matchstick at dusk.

Reading the account on the Osborne website paints the neighbors as Grinches and themselves as altruistic. I’ll take the middle ground.  It was truly something breathtaking to behold, but the traffic was an absolute nightmare, and I don’t even want to imagine being a next-door neighbor to the Osborne compound on Cantrell.

Between viewing Christmas Vacation last night, reflecting on the otherworldly light spectacle that grew exponentially for years on end at the Jennings Osborne compound, and reading Trey Morgan’s post this morning, I have been thinking about how over the top we can go about things that have such little eternal value.  Can you imagine a world in which followers of Christ were as passionate about living in the Way of the Kingdom of Heaven as we can be about decorating for Christmas, or cheering for our favorite athletics team, or watching entertaining movies, or posting stuff on Facebook that gets lots of comments, or generally eating, drinking, and being merry?  Sorry, John Lennon – that’s the world I want to imagine!

Here’s to the prophets of living on fire for Christ today – Shane Claiborne and Francis Chan and John Eldredge and Dallas Willard and Richard Foster and Eugene Peterson and…  Who else would you put on this list?

Tags: community, compasses, culture, facebook, hope, the journey, twitter

Mmmmmm!  Talk about a smooth sipping cold one!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones.

May your day be certified Tofurky & Gravy Soda Free!

Dr B

Tags: culture, family, the journey

(Re-posted from 2006)

Well, the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season is upon us.  You know what that means? – Dealing with knotheads!  Whether it’s your ex-spouse, your alcoholic mother, your abusive father, your in-laws with no sense of personal boundaries, the guy in front of you on the road driving 10 mph under the speed limit, or the woman in the department store who clearly doesn’t know the answer to your question but is trying to sound convincing anyway…knotheads are in abundance.  We deal with them throughout the year, but they seem to come out of the woodwork this time of year.  This being the case, it seemed appropriate to offer you some practical guidance on successfully dealing with the knotheads in your life.

Let’s begin with a simple definition.  A knothead is anyone who seems determined to frustrate you.  I like to use the word “knothead,” because it has such a nice, descriptive ring to it, without crossing the line into…well, you know the more colorful terms you use for these folks – under your breath or behind their back or when the kids aren’t listening.  Anyway, knotheads appear to have the secret code to get to our buttons and push them to maximum aggravation level.  It is at this point that we begin to see the solution to dealing with the knothead dilemma.

Question: What is the difference between a knothead and a common bonehead?  Your common bonehead does goofy things, but doesn’t get you riled up.  No access to your buttons, you see.  The knothead, on the other hand, has found a way to get you to react with frustration, aggravation, or even outright fury when they pull out the goofy behavior card.  So, again, what is the difference between these two?  The degree to which you give them access to your emotional buttons!  This is great news!  It means you have a great deal of power in this equation.  You have the power to reduce any knothead in rank to a common bonehead, therefore rendering them totally endurable (even for a four hour Thanksgiving feast!).

The power to neutralize even the most raging knothead is within your grasp.  It basically comes down to three simple (if challenging) mental tasks:

1. Staying calm. As the old saying goes, there is great power in keeping your head when all those around you are losing theirs.  When you allow your emotional reactions to spill out in response to others’ goofy behavior, you are giving them greater access to your emotional buttons, and fueling their knotheadism to higher levels.  It may not be easy to stay calm in the face of certain individuals, but I didn’t tell you this would be easy – just that it is do-able.  When you stay calm, you stay in control.  Maybe this will help.  Remind yourself that if you get emotionally reactive because of something your least favorite knothead did or said, it means you have given a KNOTHEAD control of your emotions!  Is that what you really want?!!  Staying calm means keeping YOURSELF in control of your emotions and choices.  (For more insights into the power of calm and the destructive power of emotional reactivity, I highly recommend www.screamfree.com.)
2. Reminding yourself that the knothead/bonehead’s goofy behavior is primarily intended to get something for themself, not wreck your life. I know, there truly are exceptions to this – knotheads who legitimately want to inflict damage upon you.  However, this really is not the case in most situations.  In fact, many times the goofy behavior in question is so irksome to you, not because it was designed to cause you maximum frustration, but because you weren’t even considered.  The vast majority of goofy behavior is the result of selfishness, frustration, lack of vision, and/or lack of maturity.  If you can find a way to help the bonehead in question achieve whatever goals they are truly after, you are likely to help curb their goofy behavior that would otherwise intensify in an ongoing effort to reach their goals.  Remember that their true goal may not be their expressed goal.  You may have to listen and look carefully to understand what it is they are really desiring.  If you are willing to make this effort, you may find that that what they are after is not so different from something you may desire, as well.  If the idea of helping boneheads/knotheads achieve their goals is a really tough pill for you to swallow, consider the words of Jesus, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
3. Keeping it in perspective. Remember that you really only have to endure this goofiness for X length of time.  If you are frustrated with that knothead in traffic, get some perspective already!  We’re talking moments here – minutes at most.  (Ouch!!!  I’m really nailing myself on this one.)  Giving fifteen extra minutes of your day to that person at church who doesn’t understand personal boundaries isn’t going to kill you.  Even if the knothead you’ve been envisioning throughout this article is the one you will be sharing a living room with for three days over the Christmas holiday – it’s still only three days of your life.  Stay calm.  Try to help them get at least some of what they really want.  And remember that you are leaving in just a few short hours.  Why be miserable, just because there happen to be boneheads in the room?  Keep in mind what a relatively small sacrifice it is to spend this short amount of time with Bonehead, and make the choice to enjoy yourself and your time.  Especially during the holiday season!

I hope this has been a helpful course in Knotheadology 101.  I’ll be working on a 200 level course in the future.  In the meantime, if you would like some guided independent study with me, feel free to email me at Roger@hopeforyourfamily.com or call me at 225-333-1582.  I sincerely hope you will have a knothead-free holiday season and beyond, although many of us simply can’t escape a few boneheads along the way to help us grow and mature.  For more specific tips on how to deal with the ex-spouse variety of knothead, click on the following link to a handout I offered recently at a divorce support group: Healthy Relationship with Ex

Tags: community, family, marriage / relationships, screamfree

I am very aware that this time of year is often particularly difficult for those caught in the merciless grip of alcholism or drug addiction.  Numbing out to escape the holiday time realities is a common experience for many, but especially for the addict or alcoholic.

If you, or someone you love, seem to be struggling with alcoholism, I would urge you to take a little time here – where you can find the answers to many common questions regarding alcoholism, find the keys to the solution that has worked for countless alcoholics, and even find a place near your home where you can talk with someone directly and personally about your struggles and their hope.

If you, or someone you love, seem to be struggling with addiction to any type of drugs, I would urge you to take a little time here – where you can find the answers to many common questions regarding addiction, find the keys to the solution that has worked for countless addicts, and even find a place near your home where you can talk with someone directly and personally about your struggles and their hope.

Certainly, many treatment centers are available around the world that offer a varying range of care and resources, but the sites I have listed provide access to the most accessible, inexpensive, and universal programs of alcoholism/addiction recovery that have touched the most lives with hope and direction around planet Earth.

And may God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

With Hope in Him,

Dr. Butner

Tags: freedom, hope, the journey

As we close in on the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s season, I just wanted to remind you of this resource page which remains on my site year round. These resources are provided to help you transition through the potential minefield of grief and stress that awaits many of you during this time of year which may be less than cheerful.  Feel free to post your comments on the holiday page about what you have found helpful (or not helpful, as the case may be) in your life journey.

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This one is provided just to give you an interesting perspective on life in the good ole US of A at this time of year:

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And this one is provided purely for some holiday season politically incorrect wisecrackery:

Tags: family, hope, the journey

In the continuing absence of my full-strength blogging energy, I invite you to check out this Leadership Top Ten list from Pete Scazzero, a man who really gets leadership on a deep level – mostly from the pains of not getting it for so long.

Tags: leadership

As the great British philosopher, Eric Idle, once sang:

“Always look on the bright side of life.  Always look on the light side of life.  If life seems jolly rotten – there’s something you’ve forgotten.  And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.  You’ll see it’s all a show.  Keep em laughin as you go.  Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing.”

So, as I sit at home, awaiting the results of my morning’s ct scan to rule out appendicitis, here is what I’m grateful for:

- I am totally confident I am in the hands of my loving, all-powerful Father in heaven, whose will is perfect and good.  So, no worries.

- I have a beautiful, wonderful family who love me and I love so very much.

- I didn’t have any clients scheduled today, so no cancelling and explaining.

- My doctor is excellent, and is a trusted, Christian brother – the kind with whom I can maintain my dignity as I get a quick hernia check.  Good times!

- Apparently, the “Barium smoothie” you have to drink for an x-ray is one of the world’s finest intestinal plugs.  I didn’t have to drink any of that unpleasantry today.  No, I got to drink the “Barium smoothie” for a ct scan, which is apparently one of the worlds finest intestinal rockets.  Forget about “sexting” – you haven’t lived until you’ve had a text conversation with your wife from a restaurant restroom, updating her on the results of the morning’s unexpected brunch.  That’s livin the High Life!!!

- And last, but not least, I love the fact that I have this blog, and if I want to share “too much information” with my faithful followers or unlucky passersby – well that’s just what I get to do.

Peace Out

Roger

Tags: the journey

I just read this post over at the site of my online friend, Trey Morgan.  Loved it.  Had to pass it on.  May we all have the passion and purity of this feisty gal!!!

“Hide it under a bush?  Hell no!”

Tags: the journey

Just checking in to share how wonderful it was this morning when I was driving my son to school, and he asked to listen to some music.  He wanted to listen to “The Law and the Prophets,” which is what he calls the song on his Steve Green cd of Scripture songs for kids that is based on Matthew 7:12 – a verse well known to many as “The Golden Rule.”  I cannot fully express how delightful it is to this father’s heart to hear his son joyfully singing about a life of showing love to others in the Way of Christ.

Today is a good day!

With Hope in Him (and hope for him),

Roger

Tags: character, compasses, family, hope, leadership, parenting, the journey