Comments on: 10 Fundamental Guidelines for Healthy, Effective Parenting

By: Glenn

Glenn — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:23:27 +0000

Hey Roger..I assumed you omitted ‘spanking’ cuz you wanted ppl to THINK about what a ‘facilitator of pain’ means–that it could be allowing pain to come (1) by the resulting consequences of personal actions, or pain to arrive by (2) the immediate hand of direct parental action. It could happen either way, or both. We were never exposed to options (3), (4), or (5). Most of us baby boomers are familiar with that #2 ‘immediate hand’ quite well: It was applied liberally and frequently. The paddle I spoke of at school had BOARD OF EDUCATION scribed on the handle. Few of us (as parents) allowed consequences to (3) catch up to children by our silence and their growing self-realization of wrongdoing (4) having a quiet calm talk with our children about actions and consequences, or (5) using behavioral psychology on our children. What us older folks experienced was an age not especially enlightening, with the implied social lesson that a proper first response was to hit, slap, and scream when applying discipline.

By: Roger Butner

Roger Butner — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 03:28:07 +0000

Great points, Glenn. But, how do you know I “deliberately left out spanking?” Just curious.

By: Glenn

Glenn — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:58:03 +0000

As important as #4 of your list appears, #2 covers more ground. In saying, “be a facilitator of pain in your children’s lives” you deliberately left out spanking. Meaning, emotional discipline is as important–if not more–than corporal. My generation (baby boomers) was raised on corporal punishment. It was understood in that bygone age nothing was ‘disciplined’ about it, it was pure punishment: If you caught the paddle in school, you had another whipping waiting for you when you got home. No bad deed ever went unpunished, several times over. You didn’t WANT mom and dad to find out you were corporally punished at school. It also spilled into emotional abuse, esp when they kept reminding you of your misdeed(s). In my search to be a better parent to my son and daughter, I read books about non-corporal discipline. I learned the word itself had fallen into modern disuse and abuse–discipline comes from the root word, disciple. When you make a disciple of someone (as Christ made his apostles) you don’t simply haul off and whack them on either end when they go off-course: You teach. You mentor. You lead by example and behavior. You provide your ‘disciples’, as Roger stated in #10, the basics to become as emotionally, spiritually, mature as you yourself are—You teach your own children (friends, family & co-workers, clients, peers, etc) as Christ taught his Disciples. Just forget for a minute how Christ taught the moneychangers in the Temple

By: Roger Butner

Roger Butner — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 21:07:58 +0000

Karin & Jason – I’m glad this connected with you. And actually, it looks as though the concept in #4 will now be the core message of the book God is calling me to finish.

Chemaine – I don’t even want to imagine the journey without your grace to sustain me. Thanks for everything!

By: Jason Browning

Jason Browning — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:56:23 +0000

Great stuff! I especially liked #4. It is probably the one I need to work on the most with my 6 and 4 year old boys.

By: Chemaine

Chemaine — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:26:30 +0000

Ha Ha! We learn and continue on the journey together! I love my guys!

By: Karin

Karin — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:34:49 +0000

Great suggestions! I’m done raising mine. Now it’s my turn to watch mine raise theirs! They are doing a great job! #6 was one I had to do very often – and that’s the one the kids claim made them realize that parents are only human and need forgiveness too.