HopeForYourFamily

I have seldom used my website as a place to post “prayer requests.”  Today, the Holy Spirit has laid something on my heart that I feel compelled to share with you, and to ask for your prayer support.  If you have a heart for teens – for seeing the adolescents of our day experience hope and healing and purpose and wholeness and joy and abundant living – then I am calling on you to join me in prayer.  For some, this may mean pausing momentarily as you read this post to offer a brief, one-time prayer.  Great!  For others, you may pray about this periodically throughout the rest of today and the weekend.  Thank you!  And for still others, you may be willing to write this down and commit to ongoing prayer as a matter of priority.  Bless you, sister or brother!  And here is the matter of prayer I bring before you today:

I believe God is calling me to begin a monthly round-table gathering of Christ-followers with hearts for transforming teens.

While physically, it will be limited to those within reasonable driving distance, today’s technology can be a powerful force for the Kingdom.  As I work on setting up the logistics for our gathering in Baton Rouge, I will also be working on the technological social-networking logistics that will facilitate you and those you know with a similar passion joining in on our ongoing conversation.  I see our conversation including counselors, pastors, coaches, volunteer youth workers, teachers, youth leaders themselves, pediatricians, camp staff, and more.  This call to transformational conversation is for all Christ-followers with a heart for youth, and I pray will not be limited by those particulars that the Enemy so skillfully uses to divide us – such as denominational barriers, racial discomfort and mistrust, gender lines, age, etc.

While the nature of the format and conversation will undoubtedly evolve with time as the Spirit leads us to grow together, I do have a vision for the important elements:  We will pray.  We will share our experiences of both victory and heartache regarding the teens within our spheres of contact.  We will share our God-provided gifts, strengths, and resources with one another.  We will seek the will of the Father, the way of the Son, and the wind of the Spirit.  We will respond in obedience to God’s call for us to live incarnationally among the adolescents of our world.  We will use our monthly conversation as fuel and focus for our daily mission to touch the lives of teens with God’s transforming love.

If this touches your heart-strings, and you live in the Baton Rouge area, please don’t wait to hear from me personally – contact me right away.  I will be personally reaching out to individuals and organizations throughout our community as the Spirit leads me, but it will take time.  If your heart is touched by this call, and you live out of driving range to join us in a chair, please don’t wait to hear from me personally – contact me right away.  As I said, I will be working on developing the best social networking method to actively include you in the conversation, whether it is through this website or Facebook or something else.

Above all, please pray about this call to conversation for the transformation of teens.  It is a call to faith.  It is a call to hope.  It is a call to love.  It is a call to living incarnationally among adolescents.  It is a call to action.  Thanks for being a part of this mission.  If you have even one eye or ear open these days, you know how desperate is the need.

p.s. – We now have a Facebook group.

p.p.s. – We also now have a permanent HDTV page here on my website.

Tags: adolescence, coming soon..., community, facebook, hope, teens

My son loves to keep his room a mess.  This is not a judgment call on my part.  He has told me so, repeatedly, usually with a gleam in his eye!  “Dad!  I hate a clean room!  I love it messy.”  His words, not mine.  Doesn’t get any plainer than that.  It’s his room, and he doesn’t really have to share it with anyone, other than with friends who come over to play from time to time.  At five years of age, he does not appreciate the value of a peaceful room and environment, despite the guidance of his wonderful Montessori school, teachers, and classroom.

And I can’t tell you how often I let this drive me nuts.  The boy just won’t clean up his room.  His closest efforts at cleaning his room are when he makes a path from the door to his bed to his train table.  And you should see and hear how proud he is when he makes this path!  Chemaine and I agreed some time ago that we will not make it a regular practice to simply go in and clean it for him, no matter how much either of us may feel the urge to do so.  Doing so would basically train him to be irresponsible, and would really be more about us than about him anyway.

At one point a few months ago, I decided I had found the key to motivating him to keeping his room reasonably tidy and peaceful.  My son has basically been a “Daddy’s boy” since he was old enough to express his own preferences.  He truly delights in spending time with me, and soaks up every bit of the time I will offer him.  Yes, I realize this will not always be the case, and it is a very precious opportunity for me to invest in him.  Based on this dynamic, and the fact that I really don’t like to go in his room with him when it is a total wreck, I thought I would use this as the way to convince him of the importance of keeping his things in order.

And so, from time to time when my son would invite me to join him in his room to play, I would say something along the lines of, “Shep, I would really love to play with you.  But your room is just such a mess.  You can either clean it up, and I will play in your room with you then, or you can join me in the activity of my choice somewhere outside of your room.  If you want to clean your room, I will be glad to come in and help you.”  And nine times out of ten, my son would look disappointed, turn away, and go play by himself in his messy room with some verbal declaration of his disapproval of the options he had been given.

Then I resumed writing a book about parenting, based on what I have increasingly come to believe represents the heart of wise, loving, Godly parenting.  Thankfully, it didn’t take me long at that point for me to recognize that my method of trying to motivate my son was in direct opposition to my beliefs regarding how to practice parenting.  I have resolved never again to tell my son I won’t go in his room because of the mess.  What kind of foundation was I laying for his adolescent years to come?!!  “Sorry, son.  I know you really want and need time and guidance from me, but you simply don’t have your stuff together.  Your life is too messy for me, and doesn’t meet my approval.  Let me know when you’ve cleaned up your self and your choices, and then I’ll consider being with you.”  Not the message I want guiding our relationship!

This does not mean I will always go play in his room when he asks.  There are times when I am busy with other relationships or work that genuinely need my attention more than he does at that moment.  Occasionally, I will trump his invitation to join him in his room with an invitation for him to join me at something I believe will be better or more delightful for him and for our relationship.  And sometimes I am simply too tired to head into his sloppy realm for whatever play his enthusiastic imagination creates.

But I am through telling him he can enjoy my presence in his world only when his world is up to my standards!

He needs me.  And he needs to know I am there for him, to love, accept, encourage, and guide him – despite the mess he has made of his room or his life.  I love my son, and he is currently one messy little rascal.  So I am joyfully playing in the toy-strewn chaos of his room.  And I can see the sail of his soul filling with wind.  It is the wind of the presence and guidance of the man charged by God to take primary responsibility for showing this boy the way to healthy manhood.  Thank you, God, for stepping into my messy world to love me and be with me and show me how to grow up well.  I’m still growing up.

Tags: family, parenting, personal responsibility

Are you a man looking for more out of life?

Are you a guy who is tired of relationship difficulties or a lack of fulfillment or purpose?

Are you ready to finally move beyond the baggage of your past and move into the future you’ve always imagined, but never really dreamed was possible?

Are you a husband who is struggling with how to get your marriage on track?

Are you a father who doesn’t know what went wrong with one or more of your kids, or you just feel intimidated as to how to lead them well?

Are you a man who feels you just aren’t living up to your potential, but don’t know how to break through your mediocrity barrier?

Would you like the opportunity to mentor some younger men?

Would you appreciate the guidance of an experienced mentor in your life?

Would you love to be able to say you’ve got it all together, but you know that would be far from the truth?

If you answered YES to any of the above questions, I would urge you to look into Men’s Fraternity.  For more information about our Baton Rouge Group, to find a group in your area, or just to find out more about Men’s Frat, click on the “Men’s Fraternity” page listed in the right-hand column of my website.

Tags: manhood

Ever have a day where you felt terrible?  A week?  A month?

What do you do when you feel sick, afraid, angry, anxious, resentful, ashamed, envious, or some other variety of less than ideal?  Really.  Think about it for a minute.  What do you do when you feel bad?

Where do you focus your mind?  What do you tell your self?  What do you tell others?  How do you treat others?  How do you treat your self?  Do you lash out?  Lash in?  Pray?  Gripe?  Stew in your own juices?  Stew in alcohol?  Talk with a trusted friend?  Take action to make a positive difference?  Listen to “screamo” music?  Go for a walk?  For for a road-rage drive?  Help someone else?  Call your therapist?  Spend money?  Practice breathing?

Having unpleasant emotional experiences is a guaranteed part of the human condition.  Frequently, things will not go the way we want, and we will feel bad as a result.  We can’t stop it.  We can’t control it.  If you have found a way to successfully refute what I’m saying here, please let me know.  My clients and I could really use your secret!

In my experience, there are two main things we can do to make a positive difference in the face of unpleasantness.  First, accept that this is simply part of life and that God is still in charge with His loving will.  And then, we can choose to respond in a way that makes life better, rather than worse.  Toward that end, here is a prayer many have found to be helpful:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

So, you find your self facing something troubling or unpleasant or difficult today?  Okay, now what?  It’s your choices that will define you and your life.  What will you choose?  Will that make life better or worse?  I sincerely hope you will choose attitudes and actions that will make life better for you.  And the truth is, when you make choices that genuinely make your life better, you make life better for everyone.  Well, looks like it’s time for me to head home.  I really FEEL like hitting the La-Z-Boy and being a vegetable for the evening.  Hmmm…What to do?

Tags: freedom, the journey

"We're all happy - REALLY!!!"

1. Expect your kids to grow to be approximately as healthy, responsible, and emotionally mature as you are.  This is not a guarantee, but it is very likely.

2. Be a facilitator of pain in your children’s lives.  We’re not talking about cruelty or abuse here.  Let’s be clear on that.  But sparing your children from painful consequences when lessons need to be learned is not a loving act – it is a crippling one.  Do what you can to be sure they suffer enough for their foolishness that they will think twice about repeating it.

3. Be sure your kids know you are their advocate.  Create opportunities to openly encourage and build up your kids.

4. Put your effort into understanding your child before trying to “fix” your child.  Compassion and grace are often more powerful motivators than judgment and fear.

5. Instill confidence and greater ability in your kids by challenging them.  Give them opportunities (within reason) to take on something that is a little bigger than what you KNOW they can accomplish.  This sends a powerful message that you believe in them.

6. Apologize when you know you were wrong.  Kids are bright.  They know when you are out of line.  Model healthy relationships to them by admitting your errors humbly and directly.  Authority is not just about position and power – it is also about integrity.

7. If you have teenagers, keep in mind that you are NEVER up to speed on what their culture and technology is really like.  But work hard to keep from falling too far behind.

8. Lighten up!  Life goes on beyond the bleakness and boneheaditis of today.

9. Keep learning as you go.  Make the most of opportunities to learn from your mistakes, other parent-mentors, and good books and resources.

10. Expect your kids to grow to be approximately as healthy, responsible, and emotionally mature as you are.  This is not a guarantee, but it is very likely.

p.s. – By the way, the above picture of my family at the beach is a great example of the significance of #1, 4, 6, 8, 9, & 10 in action.  My son was not in the mood for taking pictures, and did not want to cooperate.  I pretty much ruined the experience for everyone by getting bent out of shape with him and the whole situation, and commencing to act more immature than my five year old son.  Say “Cheese!”  What may look like three genuine smiles to the untrained eye are actually facial expressions of, “Yeah, you better smile, or I’m gonna wring your neck!”  “This is the closest you’re going to get to a real smile out of me, so make the most of the shot!”  and “Why am I on vacation with these two ridiculous boys?!”

Tags: parenting

A friend forwarded this email, and I just had to share it.  I thought it was a good reality check.

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh

your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with
the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is
lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone
where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He
thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces,
and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘her night off ‘ and, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing
some women

Tags: culture, marriage / relationships

FREEDOM.

What does it mean to you?

What does it cost?

What makes it valuable?

Is it valuable to you?

What price are you willing to pay for freedom?

What are you teaching your kids about freedom, its value and its price?

Are you living in freedom?

Today I seem to have more questions than answers.  Sometimes asking questions is more valuable than giving answers.  I would love to hear your questions and your answers.  What’s on your mind?

Tags: freedom

I have been so moved by the ministry of Pete Scazzero since reading his book, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” a couple of years ago.  His recent blog post offers his newly refined “12 Foundational Tenets of EHS.”

Tags: hope