Feb 28 2009
If you are coming to my website after hearing me speak at the Livingston youth rally, I would encourage you to check out my Parenting 101 page, my recommended reading for parenting, my recommended websites for adolescence, my recommended websites for media/entertainment, and maybe even search my site for posts regarding “teens,” “adolescence,” and “parenting.” (There is a search feature on the front page.)
Feb 28 2009
Today I will be speaking to a gathering of parents at a youth rally in Livingston, LA. I am so grateful for the opportunity to encourage, challenge, and equip these parents! Working with teens and their parents has become one of my great passions in life, and every opportunity is a genuine blessing. (Even when I am doing so with worsening bronchitis!)
Here are the key points from my presentation today:
1. YOUR TEEN REALLY DOES WANT TO LIVE WELL. (Despite whatever evidence you have seen that seems to indicate otherwise.)
2. God chose YOU to be the parent of this teen. This means YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO LEAD YOUR TEEN WELL.
Five Key Parenting Lessons from the Father of the Prodigal:
1. He modeled healthy living to his son over the years.
2. He respected his son’s need to make his own choices.
3. He never gave up hope, even when his son willfully set off down the wrong path.
4. He did not run after his son. He ran to meet him.
5. He didn’t beat up his son for being foolish. He allowed him to pay the price for his foolishness, and eagerly showed him how to recover his life once he was broken and humbled by his consequences.
Are you parenting by faith? Or by fear?
Are you a proactive parent? Or a reactive parent?
As a parent, are you timid? Overbearing? Confident?
Tune In Before You Turn It Off:
- Practice “Judo Parenting” (Thanks to ScreamFree’s Hal Runkel for this concept.) Don’t fight against your kids, risking alienation and damaged relationship. Instead, connect with them where they are, applying guidance through that connection to lead them to the healthiest place you can.
- That Loud Noise Coming from the IPod May Be a Cry for Help! Be very careful about simply dismissing vile movies, music, etc. If they really relate to it, you are essentially dismissing them in the process. Instead, find out how they connect with it, and how it touches them. If you can display calm and loving acceptance of them and their interests in the midst of unpleasant music, obnoxious games, weird YouTube videos, or disturbing movies, you’ll be amazed how much your kids will tell you.
- Don’t Expect Them to Turn It Off Until They Understand Why. Your job is not to protect them from the evils of worldly media (which are legion). Sure, you can make them turn it off while you are around, but they will just turn it back on and get better at keeping it from you. Your job is to empower them with the right tools of insight and spiritual health so they can make wise, tough choices without your direct protection. Equip them through sharing your source of spiritual strength – God’s Word, living it as a model for them to see, and nurturing their engagement in regular spiritual disciplines.
- Regularly Invite Your Teens to Share Their Favorite Media with You. Offer times with your kids where they select the music, movies, games, etc, with a promise from you that they won’t be criticized or punished for their choices (although you should reserve the right to set some standards as to what is off-limits for them). The only requirement is they must tell you: 1. why they like it, 2. what it means to them, and 3. what they believe are the moral or life implications. After they have shared with you, engage them in their thoughts, particularly regarding number 3, offering your own perspectives and direct Biblical guidance. Work together to find a passage or two of Scripture that relates to their media choice.
Feb 27 2009
Yesterday was my last day at my office in downtown Baton Rouge. Transitions can be difficult, and this one has been no exception. The last couple of weeks have run the spectrum of highs and lows, and all the hubbub has worn me out. My fellow counselors have made it very clear how much they will miss me, and how much I mean to them and to the center as a whole. And we have been slowly saying our goodbyes in different ways for the past week or so, which is draining, even when it is a blessing. So yesterday when I went to the office, I was really hoping for a low-key final goodbye and not any big production, because I just didn’t have the energy left for a big production. Well…
I was not prepared for the love and respect I received from the wonderful secretaries that are the life-blood of BRCCC. WOW! Their gifts humbled me and broke my heart with joy. Their words and laughter and hugs made something very plain to me – they have grown to deeply love, appreciate, and respect me during my time with them. And the reason for this is plain to me, as well:
I have appreciated, respected, and served them as they have worked hard in a lesser-paid, lesser-praised position than I have been in as a counselor there. And what goes around comes around. I am so thankful for what I have learned from these faithful women, and for the rich blessing they have been to me during our sojourn at BRCCC.
And not only were the secretaries generous in their gratitude, but the janitors were great yesterday, as well. These three knuckleheads have kept me laughing, and kept my office clean, for two and a half years, and I will miss their fun and playfulness. I am glad we could share a big hug and photo op yesterday, and I will cherish that as I cherish the memories of Judy, Mr. Shelton, and Lionel.
And so I post this as a way of honoring and thanking them for their rich outpouring, as well as to encourage you to take the time to serve and respect and appreciate those who are taking care of you, whether at the office or at home. Not only is this the way of life to which Jesus calls us, but it is also the way of life which leads to rich rewards money simply can’t buy.
My cup runneth over!
Lisa, Beth Anne, Maria, and Amber – thank you so much. You are the best!!!
p.s. – In this regard, I highly recommend a little book that impacted me tremendously a few years ago. While it is not written from a religious perspective at all, but rather more of a professional coaching type of angle, I found it to be a fantastic illumination of “The Golden Rule” taught by Christ centuries ago. It is called “Leadership and Self Deception” by The Arbinger Institute.
Feb 26 2009
Between saying goodbye to the gang at BRCCC (my “old” office), getting my momentum going at MTA (my “new” office), and preparing to speak this weekend to a group of parents at a youth gathering, frankly, I don’t feel much like blogging. I’m doing my best to keep my head above water and keep focused on what needs my attention. This can be a real challenge for a guy like me, who can go and go and give and give until there’s little left in the tank.
But, you know, there are times in life when we don’t feel like doing something, but we have a commitment, and we have to learn how to just get it done, regardless of our feelings. I am grateful to have learned this valuable life lesson in much greater measure over the last year or so. And I’ve learned that taking time to take good care of myself is a critical piece of the puzzle.
So I’m writing this brief bit of bloggery at night before an early bedtime, and “post-dating” it so it will pop onto my site in the morning. Just because I have a commitment to fulfill doesn’t mean I can’t use a little creativity in doing so. Right? (And using technology to my advantage helps, too.)
By the way, if you ever get a chance to do an interview at a news station, I highly recommend bringing silly string and convincing one of the anchors to spray the place down on the air. It rocks! Thanks, Matt – you the man!!!
Feb 25 2009
Just a quick post today to share with you several related things that have crossed my path recently.
As I write this, I have not yet seen the film, “Slum Dog Millionaire.” However, I intend to remedy that ASAP. Numerous people in whom I have high respect have told me this is a must-see film, especially for Christians in the comfort zone of middle/upper class America. As soon as I watch the movie, I will share my review with you here.
A teenage client shared this song (“Stand Up” by the Flobots) with me the other day. A bit of rough language, but a challenging confrontation to the Western Christian affluent comfort zone.
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My friend, Blaine (who regretably has stopped posting to his once-provocative blog) very enthusiastically shared the message of “Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne with me, and how he has been sharing this message with the kids in his youth group. I look forward to reading it.
A blog/Facebook friend shared this gem with me about a guy in Venezuela who has been using music to transform the lives of the kids there.
Feb 24 2009
(Click here to watch my Mardi Gras “Parenting 101″ interview on WAFB)
For those of you not in or from the Gulf Coast region, today is Mardi Gras. This is French for Fat Tuesday. If you know anything about Mardi Gras, you probably identify the holiday with beads, gaudy colors and decor, and total debauchery. In fact the old French saying, “Laizzes les bons temps rouler” is often proclaimed with gusto at this time of year. Let the good times roll!
Well, I’m all about letting the good times roll and enjoying this journey called life. Getting bombed out of your skull and whooping and jumping like a maniac to haul in strings of tacky plastic beads is not my top recommended avenue to finding a good time, but do what you’ve gotta do. (see my 08 Mardi Gras post) I’m not throwing any stones (or beads) at those who do call that a good time. I am in no position to throw stones, and see no value whatsoever in doing so.
My intention in writing this post is to encourage you to make it a point to enjoy your self and your family as you make your way through the changing seasons. It can be easy to get so focused on work, bills, chores, problems, school, challenges, and all manner of other mundane or difficult aspects of life that you forget to play and laugh.
I love the way Uncle Buck puts it in the classic family comedy when his niece’s principal tells him, “I see a bad egg when I look at your niece. She is a twiddler. A dreamer. A silly heart. She is a jabberbox. And, frankly, I don’t think she takes a thing in her life or her career as a student seriously!”
Buck pauses for a moment with a stunned look, and replies, “She’s only six. I don’t think I wanna know a six-year-old who isn’t a dreamer or a sillyheart. And I sure don’t wanna know one who takes their student career seriously. I don’t have a college degree. I don’t even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they’re all good kids…until dried out, brain-dead scags like you drag them down and convince them they’re no good! (And let’s just say, he really gets rolling at that point.)“
Yes, there is most certainly a time to give serious attention to serious issues in life. Life is not one big party. But if we cut out all the party and silliness and laughter along the way, life gets pretty burdensome and discouraging. We need to laugh and play and joke and goof off. It is good for the soul. It even helps to recharge us to face the serious stuff once again. In fact, I have found that anytime I can laugh in the midst of something otherwise stressful, it reminds me that this challenge must not be killing me, so I guess I’ll be okay.
Play board games. Shoot some hoops. Try that hula hoop. Dance. Play video games with your kids, knowing they are going to destroy you. Skip. Whistle. Sing. Tell knock-knock jokes. Play with your kid in the dirt. Play with your kid in the mud. Leave a tip on the table that is so big, you have to laugh at how ridiculous it is. Leave an offering in the plate at church that is so big, you have to laugh at how ridiculous it is. Let your child have a free “sick day” from school and stay home from work so you can just blow off the day together. Surprise your spouse with a great date. Go to the mall and laugh at all the goofy things people do and wear. (Ladies, Ugg boots, really?!?) Go through your old photos and laugh at the goofy things you have done and worn. Watch “Dumb and Dumber.” Have a pillow fight. Have a silly-string war. Play in the rain.
And above all, don’t take yourself or your problems too seriously!!!
God’s Word clearly instructs us to keep a balance to life, including laughter and dance. You’ve heard the old saying, “Eat, drink, and be merry.” Guess where that gem came from! Check it out.
Let the good times roll!
Feb 23 2009
I hope you have found this “twisted” series valuable. Feel free to share your thoughts with me and our other followers here at the site. This is the last letter in the series, “Making the Most of Family Life,” as I originally presented them in a church class back in the fall of ‘02:
My dear young tempters,
This will be the last of my lessons – for now. I expect you have gained an appreciation for how much fun family life can be when you approach it with an appropriate amount of seriousness in your scheming. You now have several new weapons to add to your arsenal of family life destruction strategies. Regardless of your preferred mode of unmaking the Enemy’s design for his little groups of creatures, today’s lesson will multiply your chances of success. Here it is, so basic and yet so powerful: keep your patients and their families living as though their time on that nasty little sphere is the only time in their lives.
Every time a human opens its eyes to the eternal reality of its life, it immediately begins searching out the Enemy and attempting to understand and obey his rulebook. Keep their pitiful eyes shut to the eternal nature of their souls. Darkness!!! Always keep their senses clouded in sweet Darkness. Although it is imperative that you keep them from seeing themselves in an eternal perspective, it is absolutely necessary that they not see their actions in this light. (I use the latter human phrase intentionally, because the only way for them to gain this perspective is to receive illumination from the Enemy and his confounded book.) As dangerous as it may be, many humans have stumbled upon the fact of their unending nature, but have been stupefied into living their temporary lives without acting as though there is an eternity. A brief example in the family setting is in order.
Picture a typical family in the delightfully deluded American culture. Now, without showing your ignorance and cowardice, imagine that this is a family of churchgoers. Father, Mother, Daughter, and Son Churchgoer all have enlisted in the Enemy’s ranks. Every Sunday they march like lemmings to sit on their favorite pew at the local “church of nothing special” to listen to a guy that they haven’t bothered to get to know tell them something about the Enemy that they have heard so often that there is really no need to listen anymore. As they sit through the service, Father notices all of the preacher’s comments that he would have put differently, Mother worries about whether her husband or her kids are paying any attention to this message that clearly applies to them but not really to her, Daughter is busy trying to attract the attention a certain young man a couple seats over from her, and Son is planning a new strategy to try on his favorite video game. All of them are eager for the last guy up front to get up and shut up, so they can go eat.
How easily their simple minds are dominated! You see now how you may quite effectively convince them that simply believing in an eternal perspective is enough to please the Enemy and give them some kind of victory over our Triumphant Kingdom of Eternal Darkness. Ahhhh…”faith without deeds.” That is the Enemy’s title for this wickedly beautiful way of life. Well, I would never agree with the Enemy. But I will say, GET OUT THERE AND GET TO WORK!!!
Your Adoring Instructor,
Scatterplot
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Feb 22 2009
Letter five in my six-part series, “Making the Most of Family Life”:
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My dear young tempters,
Today’s strategy is not so much about learning a direct attack as it is about promoting a climate in which families are more susceptible to our other modes of assault. Human souls are much easier to lead down the path of eternal destruction when their minds are properly clouded with confusion and doubt. Nowhere is this more evident than in the life of the family. Ironically, the simplest way to illustrate this concept is through the “Complexity Ploy.” Although you can use your own artistic freedom to fill in the details, the basic premise is to convince parents (who the Enemy has regrettably equipped to be the leaders of the family) that having a successful family life is an exceedingly complicated pursuit that can only be managed by finding the proper “expert” guides. There is some truth to this, but as always, we enjoy our greatest successes by beginning with truth, then covering a bit here and exaggerating a bit there to produce a much more practical reality.
Although we are continually doing our best to make life as difficult and complicated as possible for the human family units, their most successful defenses against us most often come through basic principles that they can easily learn. They may gain this repulsive, light-filled knowledge through two easily accessible avenues: reading the Enemy’s field manual and talking with other humans that have experience in doing battle with us on the family front.
Interestingly enough, one of our best remedies to this situation has been to inspire scores of humans to hold themselves forth as the pre-eminent expert. By flooding families with a continually growing tide of experts, with their accompanying books and other materials, we have been able to convince many parents that they cannot possibly get a grasp on all that they must know in order to “successfully” raise their offspring. Some of you may be aware of the presence of some humans with genuine expertise and wisdom in the arena of raising their young in the wretched service of the Enemy. Although their access to mass human communication is lamentable, their wounds can be rendered largely ineffective when swallowed up by the flood of our experts.
Before you go off thinking that your battles are already won for you, think again. In order to see the benefit of these labors in the families of your patients, you must keep them out of the Enemy’s book and cut off from his seasoned veterans. If you allow them to hear, consider, and heed the words from either source, you may find a great deal of your toil undone.
Your Adoring Instructor,
Scatterplot
Feb 21 2009
And my fourth installment in the “Making the Most of Family Life” series, inspired by “The Screwtape Letters”:
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My dear young tempters,
As I hope you will recall from our previous lessons, one of the keys to effectively ravaging the human family unit is Separation. While any Separation of family members is always to be encouraged, you will find that the greatest benefit comes from separating husbands and fathers from the rest of their pack. When subjecting themselves to the Enemy’s plan for family life, these men attempt to live up to a special commission as the primary defenders, commanders, and scouts for their units. Fortunately for our cause, not only are the humans Selfish by nature, they are also Cowardly to the core! Most of the male humans need little more than a well-timed occasional whisper in the ear to keep them from stepping up to such a demanding position. Of course, much of the credit for the current neutralized state of the male goes to the members of our special task force for the confusion of masculinity, which has been doing a phenomenal job for decades. Who could have predicted the payoff that would come from this small, but focused team of fiends?
For those of you have not yet read “The Path Toward Human Male Extermination,” let us now review the points of strategic victory in this sphere of diabolical domination. Believe it or not, the idea for this project was actually inspired by human achievement. As the human era of the so-called “Industrial Revolution” began to unfold on earth, another revolution was birthed in Hell. By carefully, yet powerfully, twisting humanity’s view of the masculine responsibility of family provision, men were soon convinced that their primary assignment was to provide physical sustenance to their wives and children. The obvious result was that families were now left with no one to care for their spiritual provision. Well, that isn’t entirely true. Our forces of Darkness were glad to supply the two-legged animals with all the spiritual food they could stomach…all of it thoroughly tainted, of course! (Surely you remember our last lesson on the delightful power of Entertainment.)
Another prong in this strategy of male extermination is to take advantage of the loyal streak implanted in them by the Enemy. Believing that their greatest duty is to “bring home the bacon,” (It’s so much fun helping them to create quaint phrases to describe foolish notions!) they can now be easily convinced that loyalty to their family, an instinct from the Enemy, is most appropriately shown through loyalty to their place of work. With proper diligence, you can easily keep your male patients giving the best of their time, energy, and passion to their employers and co-workers, all the while keeping them convinced that they are showing intense devotion to their families by fulfilling their greatest calling as the “head of the household.” Materialism, which has been greatly facilitated through Entertainment, is of tremendous benefit in this arena, particularly when you properly entice your patients with financial incentives such as overtime pay and extra-project bonuses. For that matter, much could be said about the fun we have had harnessing their holiday season, which was once based on the detestable notions of love, joy, giving, and special reverence and worship of the Enemy himself. As you must know, it now gleefully centers around Greed, Selfishness, and Entertainment. The point is to convince them that they must give more and more of themselves to work, and in so doing they will somehow be giving themselves to their families.
Finally, remember to use proper judgment in manipulating the passion of the human male. It all depends on their natural level of passion, which of course varies from one to another, and even from time to time within the same individual. For example, say your patient is a man that is naturally very passionate. If he yields his passion to the will of the Enemy, much trouble will result. Your job is to see that he invests his passions outside of his family. Work, pastimes, sports, drink, women…the list goes on and on. These diversions can typically be justified in his mind and actions by continually reminding him how much loyalty he is showing to his family by working hard in his job, and that he deserves to have his “needs” met, since he is doing so much to meet those of his wife and children. For the love of wickedness, just don’t let him realize that what his family needs most is him!
On the other hand, you may be assigned a man with low natural passion. These men are often given to higher strength of logical reasoning, but that is for another day. The point is that this patient should be prevented from connecting his spirit to anything or anyone at all. He should be continually reminded that it is his lot in life to go to work, do his duty there for his family, then come home and rest, in order to go back to work again for his family.
Whatever strategy is most befitting of the males under your care, always strive to keep them from investing themselves in their families. Although a family without a husband and father at his originally assigned post is certainly an easy target, men that are alert, well armed, and given to the spiritual leadership, care, and protection of their families make for long years of tiring, and often unrewarding, labor.
Your Adoring Instructor,
Scatterplot
Feb 20 2009
I just have to tell you about what a great gift-giver God is:
I met a fellow Christian counselor at IHOP this morning for a delightful breakfast of harvest grain ‘n nut pancakes with blueberries on top. Good stuff. It was the first time I had met him, and our meeting quickly evidenced to both of us that God had connected us for mutual encouragement. That part was great, and somewhat surprising in what a quick connection we made, but not like earth-shattering surprising or anything.
What completely rocked my world was this. As I sat by the door waiting to meet him, I noticed guys coming in to join a group of about 15- 20 guys who looked to be from early twenties to mid thirties sitting together and looking pretty happy about life. As the last guy came in to join them, he told the waitress he was meeting a group of youth pastors, and could she point him to their table. 20 YOUTH PASTORS SITTING AT ONE TABLE AT THE IHOP WHERE I WAS HAVING BREAKFAST ON MY BIRTHDAY. Oh, did I mention I’m just starting a new practice with an awesome group of Christian counselors in South Baton Rouge, and that my number one specialty is working with teens and their parents?!! I told the hostess I would be right back, and went to my truck to grab a big stack of business cards. The guys were genuinely eager to meet me and receive my cards. Tell me God didn’t set that one up for a big birthday gift of, “Yes, son, you are making wise choices, and you have my full blessing.”!!
Then, to top it off, I stop after breakfast to gas up my truck, and listen to my voice mail as I pump. And there’s my new boss calling to sing me a beautiful Happy Birthday blessing!
My Dad is the best!!!
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