HopeForYourFamily

I know some of you have been curious as to the status of the book I began writing in February of 08, as a number of folks have asked.  I am excited to bring you the latest update:

I have tabled my original book, of which I have written 2+ initial chapters.  The more I wrote, the more I realized I was trying to write my magnum opus in my first book effort.  There was just no way, at least at this season of my life, for me to complete a book with such a grand scope as I had envisioned.  And that’s okay.  Really.  I have no regrets for the time, energy, prayer, and money I invested in that work.  I learned a great deal in the process, regarding both my beliefs and the process of writing a book.

I am now writing the book which will be my first major publication.  I am excited!  I am energized!  And I know this one is not only writable for me within the next year, but also springs directly from my passion and experience in one of the chief works to which God has called me – guiding adolescents and their parents to greater peace, wholeness, purpose, and healthy relationships with one another and with others.  I am grateful to be at a place in my journey of growth, under the Lord’s leadership, where I can humbly and confidently declare myself to be gifted in this role.  It is truly delightful to recognize one’s gifting from God, surrender to His leadership in sharing one’s gift for His glory and the betterment of His children, and to have daily opportunities to do so in ways that make a real difference.  God never ceases to amaze me with His goodness!

And so, the working title of my first book is:

“Operation Adolescence! Parenting Teens with Calm, Confident Leadership”

And here is a very brief excerpt from my introduction, as it now reads:

“I really like teenagers.  There.  I said it.  I seriously, sincerely, without reservation enjoy getting to know teens.  I take genuine delight in honoring their invitation to enter their worlds by seeking first to understand them, and then doing what I can to help them make sense of their worlds and make the most of the lives they have been given.

Maybe I have the gene for it.  My grandmother wrote a heartening poem entitled “Wager on the Teenager.”  Perhaps it was my years of participation in summer camps that instilled in me an appreciation and reverence for the joy of seeing adolescents spread their wings and take flight.  I like to think it is a calling.  But who knows?  Maybe I’m just nuts.

Whatever the origins, I find few satisfactions in the world so rewarding as the experience of connecting with an adolescent and his parents, and helping them connect with one another on the road to healing, purpose, joy, and personal responsibility.  And that journey always begins with two core beliefs I hold passionately, which I will expand much further in the chapters to follow:

1. This teen really does want to live well.

2. As the parent(s) of this teen, you have what it takes to lead her/him well.”

It is too early as yet to speculate on a release date.  I really should have a few chapters on my flash drive before I go there.  I don’t even know which publishing house I will be pursuing or which door God will open in this regard (or if I will begin with the route of one of the numerous self-publishing options emerging in today’s book industry).  What I do know is that I have it in me to write this book, and it is my heart’s desire to see it make its way into the hands of the many parents, teachers, youth ministers, coaches and others who have the desire to bless adolescents and a need for some sound guidance and encouragement to do it well.  I will be grateful for your prayers, questions, comments, and challenges along the way.

With Hope in Him,

Roger

Tags: adolescence, books, coming soon..., leadership, parenting, teens

Here are some basic tips for parents to help their kids and family have a safe, enjoyable Halloween season, whether that means traditional Trick-or-Treating, church or community festivals, scary movie parties, or all of the above.

Young Children

- Only allow your children to Trick-or-Treat with a trusted adult, whether it is your self, or someone you and your children know well.

- Be sure your children Trick-or-Treat in a group that is small enough to be well supervised.  Large groups can easily split into smaller clusters – each with appropriate adult supervision.

- Know what movies will be viewed at the house or party your children will be attending, if they will be away from your home.  Screen movies for age-appropriateness.  Personal parental previewing is ideal, but you can also utilize an online reviewing tool, such as Dove, Plugged In, Michael Medved, or Hollywood Jesus (for teens or adults).  Be prepared to talk with your children before, during, and/or after viewing a scary movie about how movies use tricks to make pretend monsters look real.  These tips generally apply to haunted houses as well.

Older Children/Teens

- Know where they will be going, with whom, and how they will be getting there.  I recommend talking with them about this directly, and checking their Facebook/MySpace page, just to be sure.

- Get a phone number for someone, besides your child, who will be in the group, preferably an adult.

- Discuss personal responsibility, decision making, and consequences BEFORE they go out for their Halloween festivities.

- Empower kids ahead of time to leave if others in their group are making wrong choices, or if they otherwise feel uncomfortable with how things are going.  Give them permission to blame it on you, if it helps them make the right choice to get out of a bad situation.  Discuss practical ways they can do this, if need be.

Everyone

As you prepare for Trick-or-Treaters at your home, don’t just arm yourself with candy.  Be prepared to offer an encouraging word to the children who ring your doorbell, even the ones who seem like first class knuckleheads.  Spend time in prayer for the week preceding Halloween, asking God to work through you and your home to bless each child in a meaningful way.  Then keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to the opportunities He will give you to do just that.  The traditions of Halloween allow this to be a time of either community building or community harm, depending on our choices.  Do what you can to use the unique opportunities of this season to build a more loving, trusting, considerate community.

Tags: community, parenting

In the spirit of doing what I can to improve the quality of life of those around me by pointing people to the best God has to offer, I have a recommendation for you.

Do yourself a huge favor.  Go to your local grocery store or produce market and get a bag full of Honeycrisp apples.  They aren’t available all year, so get them while the getting is still good.  You may think Dr. Butner has finally cracked – using blog space on his professional site to push fruit.  Think of me what you will.  Just be sure to try a Honeycrisp apple before making your final judgment.

Thanks to my friends Eddie and Judy for bringing me a little closer to wholeness by introducing these little morsels from Heaven to my life.

With Simple Pleasure,

Roger

Tags: the journey

I am so excited to share this update to my previous post, “Infection Control.”

Last night, my wife and I took our son, Batman, to a local church Fall Festival.  He had fun seeing some good friends, watching the preacher acting crazy as the kids splashed him into the dunking booth, and playing the various games that earned him tickets for toy prizes.  When we were about ready to leave, I took him to the prize table, where assorted trinkets ranged in price from 2 to 30 tickets apiece.  He had amassed over 30 tickets, so he had lots of choices, and I was content to help him with the process of selecting whatever he wanted to take home.

What immediately caught his eye was an inflate-it-yourself punch balloon.  You know, the kind with a large rubber band attached, so you can punch it rapidly with your fist.  I remember occupying many a Saturday with one of these bad boys from K-Mart when I was a lad.  He asked me to inflate it for him, which I did gladly, and he immediately set about his playful training for the boxing ring.  I interrupted him briefly to show him the stack of tickets he had remaining, to show him how many other choices remained, and to ask him what else he wanted.  To which he gleefully replied…

“This is enough!”

“Are you sure you don’t want anything else, Son?  You’ve got lots of tickets left.”

“No thank you.  I don’t want anything else.”

At which point I gave his remaining tickets to the youngster who was pestering my friend at the toy table for the best available bargain.  The child was delighted.  So was I.  (My friend – well, part of being a friend is pushing their buttons and having a bit of fun at their expense on occasion, right?)

It was a golden moment, and one that I plan to savor long.  I hope there will be many more such moments as my wife and I continue doing our best to empower our son with the tools of satisfaction and gratitude, so he can stand strong against the epidemic of materialism engulfing our people.  And the really great thing is – we got to go from this shining moment to a magical adventure as father and son grabbed our flashlights and trekked out to the Bluebonnet Swamp for a Haunted Hike.  I’ll be sharing that one with you very soon.

Joyfully,

Roger

Tags: parenting

Our soon to be five year old son has really been hit hard by an epidemic infection that may have already infested your home.  This virus is a nasty one that hits early, hits hard, can lead to forms of paralysis, and re-emerges quite readily upon re-exposure.  And it seems re-exposure is inevitable in our country.  This bug is everywhere, and you may even be a carrier.  It is actually spread and fed through a number of avenues that you have right in your own home, and may be continuing to bring into your home from a variety of stores and websites that you frequent with the best of intentions.

There are a number of different strains of this malady, including Discontent, Ingratitude, Greed, Boredom, and Envy.  Some common symptoms include whining, fit-pitching or tantrums, demanding more stuff, and neglect of what a child already possesses.  Here is how this devastating illness has infected our son, and how we have been working to help strengthen his immune system against it:

Recently, our son has become targeted by the Toy Marketing Virus.  It seems to work much like a computer virus.  He opens up a seemingly benign package that contains something we intentionally bought or approved for him, such as a new Lincoln Logs or Mega Bloks set.  After playing with his creativity-stimulating toys for a few minutes, the unwanted attachment kicks in and begins to infect him, playing havoc with his system.

The attachment to which I am referring is the full color foldout spread of all the other toy sets he can get to augment this one into the Set of His Dreams.  Nasty, nasty attachment, this one is!  It begins to corrupt his enjoyment and creativity, crashing his hard drive as he becomes convinced his life is incomplete without owning at least two or three more play sets.  These additional play sets inevitably look way cooler than the one he now owns, rendering him almost incapable of appreciating what he already has.

I am happy to report that while his immune system has not yet developed enough to protect him, his Mom and Dad are able to offer him a virus protection program that seems to be showing signs of freeing his young hard drive.  It is a multi part process that may take years of consistent reinforcement on our part, but I believe will be well worth the effort on our part for the dividends it pays in his life.

Step One – Upon opening all toys (at least for the foreseeable future), we will be removing the nasty Trojan Horse attachment, disguised as an advertisement for more stuff to bring greater fun and enjoyment to his life.  The only folks who seem to be deriving greater fun and enjoyment from this attachment are the marketing genuises at the toy companies.  Fun’s over.  Our child will no longer be your unwitting host.

Step Two – When he does go into active symptoms, as listed above, we take action to starve out the virus by withholding the toy(s) that seem to be re-igniting the infection for a set amount of time.  Usually a day or two is enough to clear up his system and elicit a response of “I’m sorry I was whining” or “I’m sorry I kept asking for [the mini toy catalog]” or some other such indication that he is once again appreciative of what he does have, and is back on the road to recovery.

Step Three – This may be the most critical step of all.  Minimize risk of re-infection by addressing our own infection with this illness of craving more, and the related epidemic parental virus that urges us to keep buying him more Stuff when he already has more than plenty.  At times this may even call us to intervene when others would buy him more Stuff out of their best of intentions.  As his parents, it is our responsibility to see that he is not exposed to more stuff than his level of appreciation, gratitude, and enjoyment can handle.  No matter what StuffMart.com or Toymania catalog or Kids Videos That Are Really Pure Marketing Ploys To Buy More or their cronies have to say!

This may seem like a harsh cure, but the consequences of inaction are far worse.  This illness has been known to cripple people for life, leaving them incapable of ever being satisfied with what they have and always striving and straining for more, newer, and better Stuff.  I hope this helps you discover the right remedy and inoculation process for your own children (and maybe even your self).  May God help us all as we fight for freedom from this ugly epidemic!  Our fight may not be “good for the U.S. economy,” but it is most certainly good for our people, and far better for our economy in the long run than the quick fix of buying more Christmastime Crap on Credit.  Sounds like a good topic for a holiday season post. 
With Hope in Him,

Roger

Tags: culture, freedom, media, parenting, personal responsibility

People define success in many different ways.  For some, it can be roughly measured by the number of digits in one’s salary or the net value of one’s portfolio.  (I suppose these folks are feeling less successful by the day, given the economic mess coming from Wall Street and D.C.)  Others define success by their level in a company or their chosen field.  For athletes, ranking or records may be the primary definer of success.  Level of influence is a key success indicator for some.  Many look to the healthiness or satisfaction level of their relationships as markers of success in life.  And sometimes success is viewed in simple (yet elusive for many) concepts of joy, peace, or health.  Of course, you may have some other primary facet of life that means success to you, and it may be a combination of several things.  Regardless of your definition of success, I believe the following statement tells you how to achieve it:

SUCCESS IN LIFE IS ACHIEVED BY CONSISTENTLY ACTING ON CONVICTION, RATHER THAN IMPULSE.

Acting on principle, rather than feeling.

This requires looking beyond the moment to the bigger picture of meaningful goals.

It is walking by faith, and not by sight. (For those who are offput by religious sounding language, this biblical reference can be practically understood as “making life decisions based on your core beliefs and goals, and not by immediate feedback from either the environment or internal emotional processes.”  For what it’s worth, I believe this statement from Scripture is about spiritually healthy living, not religiously appropriate activity.  Of course, I would argue that this is true of the whole of God’s Word, but I’ll expound on that in a later post.)

“You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race.  Everyone runs; one wins.  Run to win.  All good athletes train hard.  They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades.  You’re after one that’s gold eternally.  I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line.  I’m giving it everything I’ve got.  No sloppy living for me!  I’m staying alert and in top condition.  I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else about it and then missing out myself.”  – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (The Message

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”  – Hebrews 12:11

“Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

With Hope in Him,

Roger

Tags: discipline, freedom, hope, the journey

Well, I’ve been encouraging everyone to go watch Fireproof since its release date on the last weekend of September.  And now that I have had the opportunity to see it for myself, I wish my online readership was in the millions, just so I could persuade EVERYONE to go see this film.  Where do I begin?…

A movie review of sorts seems in order, but I will keep it very brief.  If you have seen the previous film by Sherwood Pictures, Facing the Giants, you won’t be caught off guard by the acting.  I found the acting to be significantly improved from the last one, especially given the lead role by Hollywood actor Kirk Cameron, but you should still be ready for performances of less than the caliber you would normally expect on the big screen.  Given that the rest of the cast are all just average folks who attend a church together in Georgia, I was genuinely pleased with what I saw.

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I found their depiction of the process of marital decay to be very realistic.  Specifically, I thought they nailed: 1. the importance of wives feeling loved and husbands feeling respected (see Emerson Eggerichs’ work), 2. how common and destructive pornography is in marriage, and how easily rationalized it often is by the men who do it, 3. the influence of our friends and family members on our attitudes and actions in marriage, as well as other areas of our lives, and 4. just because one spouse begins making necessary changes to save a dying marriage, doesn’t ensure the other will respond in kind or even appreciate the effort.

Great storyline, and fairly well scripted.  The screenwriting is still improving, along with the acting, but I was pleased with the final result.  The humourous interjections were welcome and enjoyable.  The depictions of marital fighting and distance were well scripted.  And the overall flow of the film went well.  Okay, I’ll admit it.  By the time this thing was over, I was wondering why they didn’t have the theater stocked with Kleenex.  Along with many others in the room, I found myself crying at several powerful moments in the last few minutes of the film.

And while I’m there, I just have to mention the unique experience of watching this film at the theater.  (I did not see Facing the Giants until it came out on DVD, so I don’t know about the theater experience on that one.)  With only one theater showing the film in Baton Rouge (I just read on the website that Sony has secured 300 more theaters across the nation for weekend #3!), and its debut at #4 in the box office last weekend, the place was packed by the time the show began.  If you have ever experienced a packed movie theater before, you know how energizing the dynamic can be.  What was so tremendously encouraging and refreshing this time was how that energy played out before the lights went down.  As individuals, couples, and groups came in to find their seats, they stopped to visit with friends and neighbors.  I enjoyed talking with a friend of mine who is an associate pastor here in town.  My wife and I visited with the folks sitting beside us, and we thoroughly enjoyed the conversation.  People were asking if they could move over to accomodate last minute viewers.  It was as though we were at the movies with a room full of people who are trying to live out the message of Christ. 

A final note – I am going today to buy my copy of The Love Dare, the book featured in the film, and published because of the interest and demand expressed by the screening audiences.  The book is already at #9 on Amazon (where The Shack remains at a strong #3).  I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be recommending this one to clients for a long, long time.

With Hope in Him,

Roger

Tags: culture, hope, marriage / relationships, media, movies